Drifting...

Crazy. That's how I feel. Slowly drifting further and further from the happy one I once was. Sure, I see glimmers of that girl, but I get scared every time I see her. Scared because I know for every day the happy self is back there will be two if not more dark, sad, frustrated days to follow. Sometimes I wonder if I could just run away, start over again as someone new. I've already lost my earthly possessions and the loved ones I hold dearest to me I constantly worry I will lose as well. I see everyone around me getting old, getting sick. Sometimes they won't admit they're sick because it is the "new norm" from years of abuse to their bodies. I wonder how much longer will go before years of unhealthy decisions finally claim them. My anxiety kicks in. I cry. Over and over and over. I ruined my life. I finally felt so on top of things, so accomplished and proud of myself, but I lost nearly everything I worked so hard for. I learned what a stupid adult I am. I felt accomplished, but I was really just naive. I was just drifting through an easy life. Every time I make a wish and every time I close my eyes I wish that I could wake up. Have this "new normal" crazy life just be a dream. I want my old life back. I miss it dearly, but alas, it's been months and I still haven't woken....