Hey God...

Hey God...or whatever you are, I still havn't decided yet, remember me? It's Rachel, but you knew that already didn't you?
Anyway I just need someone to tell my problems to and you're the first person that came to my mind. As my mom picked me and my little sister, Emma, up from school Emma asked mom if she had heard something on T.V, or something, I wasn't really paying attention.
My mom seemed to know what Emma ment and said yes, she had hard something. She began to cry and at first I thought she was joking because I have never seen my mom cry, or can't remember. She said three planes were hijaked(please ignore spelling, I don't feel like correcting it right now)and one crashed into the Pentagon, the other two at the World Trade Center. Emma was saddened and glad to hear my mom had changed her mind in going to Russia next week.

I, however, didn't feel a thing. I could be so cruel and heartless as to say I couldn't have cared less...but it's true. I felt absolutly nothing from this news, not a single ping of any emoition, none at all.

This has happened before. When my greatgrandfather, great-greatgrandmother and father, and uncle died I felt nothing as well. Not a single, damned, thing.

I can't say that I am disgusted by my lack of emoition, how can I, when I can not be shaken by three suicidal hijakings. But rather, I am...bothered. It is times like these when I question my right to guess if I will go to heaven or hell when I die. I question my right to have such good friends who are affected by things like this while I just pretend. I question my right to talk to you now, supposing that you are listening while I type. I can not even cry at either my lack of emoition or the crashes, sometimes I can feel them coming, but that feeling quickly leaves.

I guess it is something that I am at least bothered by this. Something to show that I am, even remotly, a decent human.

Well thanks for listening,
Rachel

**If you have comments, please send them, this is all ture**