Inyarel

These are just two scenes I have for a new Fantasy story I'm working on right now. Keep in mind, this is just the roughest rough draft. I would greatly appreciate ANY constructive criticism on these two scenes. If you leave a review, please try to focus on character development and visuals as that would help me a lot (for some reason I typically focus on dialogue when writing).

Desmond Saved

"If you hadn't saved his miserable life, there's be one less human that we have to fight! You know this, Faylen! This wretched race forced us from our homes and lands only 200 years ago, and now you save one from death! Why would you save a human?" Delsaran asked loudly.

"Because of the way we are. We take pity on and protect those that aren't as strong. We help those that need it. We defend ourselves from those that mean us harm. Why would you think I would do something that defies who I am?"

"Do you think he would have done the same for you? No, he wouldn't have. He would have let you be killed or have done worse to you!" Delsaran looked away to collect his thoughts and rein in his temper. It was getting the best of him too often lately. "What can he offer us in return for our help and protection?" he asked as he looked disdainfully at Desmond, the human that his daughter had not only saved but had brought into the sacred city of Gulonde.

"He has sworn a life vow to me," Faylen said. Although she spoke softly, he voice commanded respect and was full of power. Desmond likened it to a summer breeze off the shore just before the approach of a stron storm. It made him miss his childhood home in Tebury. He longed to go back and see his family again, but couldn't leave the capital city of Madun without the king's permission unless he wanted to risk death. The king had taken him prisoner when he was seven, and now he was trusted to be a messenger with the king's most important plans. Delsaran's gaze slid to his daughter, wide-eyed in astonishment.

"A life vow?" She nodded.

"One to help us defend our city as we try to reclaim it and defend the forest that the humans drove us into. He says that their plans are to take over all the lands in Inrayel and drive us from our home here to lands yet discovered."

"And just how does he plan to help us defend our city and forest? You saved him from being killed so he must be poorly trained in battle."

"I know the defenses that the humans have," Desmond said quickly, hoping to defend Faylen's actions. "I can show you where their defenses will be weakest so you may strengthen your attacks. I know how their attacks will be weakest so you may strengthen your defenses. I know where their food stores are, how well guarded they keep their stores, I know when and where they will first attack, and I know why they chased you from your lands all those years ago. I was on my way to inform the city lords of the king's intended plans when the bandits outside captured me. They meant to kill me so I would not be able to pass the information entrusted to me. I have sworn a life vow in the human tongue to this elven maiden. If you send me back to my king, he will kill me and change all his plans. Spare my life and I will do everything in my power to help your race defend the city and forest."

"Swear the life vow to me in our tongue or it means nothing," Delsaran said.

"I do not know the elven tongue."

"Speak the phrase, Faylen. Give me your life vow."

"But-"

"I will release you from yours after I have his," Delsaran interrupted. "Swear it to me."

"I cannot give you my life vow," Desmond said, sensing Faylen's fear. "This maiden saved my life and I know a life vow is given only to those who save the life of another. I can only swear my life vow to her." Delsaran looked impressed that Desmond know this much of their customs and looked thoughtfully between the two for a moment.

"You will stay in the city's prison until your life vow is given to her in Elvish. You will have no visitor, not be allowed out of your cell, and only receive food and water when Faylen comes to teach you the vow. Faylen, you will teach him the words he need to say until he speaks them as well as you, and nothing more." Faylen bowed her head in compliance with his ruling. "Take him to the prisons and give him a cell," Delsaran said to the guards at the back of the room. They hauled Desmond out of the throne room and down the hall, letting him get a departing glance of the beautiful elven woman that had saved his life and was now going to be the only face he saw until he spoke Elvish.

"Do not waste your time hoping that you can have her, human. There are several reasons you will never be together. She's Elven and you're human; she'd be locked in a cell for getting entwined with a human; and most importantly, she's royalty and you're not." Desmond looked at the guard that'd been speaking to him.

"How did-"

"I could hear your thoughts. Clear her from your mind and don't waste time hoping to have her. You have more important things to place your focus on, human."

Desmond's Advice

"May I speak freely, Faylen?" Desmond asked when the last soldier left her room. Faylen nodded but didn't look away from the plans in front of her. "Human men have an affinity for the female body. Race doesn't matter, especially to the soldiers."

"Your point, Desmond?" Faylen said as she looked over the battle plans she'd made for tonight's raid.

"You can capture more soldiers easier if you change your battle attire." Faylen looked up and Desmond could see the tired patience in her eyes.

"To what? We only have one garb each for battle. There is nothing to change it to."

"Forgive me if this is too personal a question, but do you wear undergarments?"

"Undergarments? I'm not sure I understand what you mean."

"Clothes to cover your more private parts like your chest, and your crotch."

"My what?"

"The front part of where your legs meet your body."

"Oh, there. Those are called undergarments?"

"In the human tongue, yes. Do you wear any clothes like that?"

"Not often. They tend to be for formal attire, but I believe I can fashion some I might use for battle."

"If you do, wear them for your next raid to capture human soldiers."

"I cannot craft them that fast. We're raiding tonight." Desmond chuckled and Faylen gave him a smile, enjoying the sound of his laughter in these hard times.

"When you get them crafted, wear them for the following raid. May I see the attire you're talking about so I can let you know if you will need to change anything before you make them?" Faylen walked to her wardrobe and gently pulled out a hanger, turning to show him the clothes.

"This is our formal attire. I would wear this if attending a bonding, either mine or another's, or when I become queen." Desmond took the hanger from her and held it against her body, doing his best not to imagine her wearing it for him.

"This exact style will work perfectly against all of the soldiers. If it fits the way I believe it does, that is," he said as he handed the hanger back to her. She hung up the formal attire and went back to her table with the battle plans, motioning for Desmond to take a seat across from her. "May I ask you something else, Faylen?"

"Of course."

"Why did you save me? As your father pointed out, any other elf would have let me be killed yet you killed the bandits and brought me here, nursed me back to health, and are keeping me close by your side. Why?"

"I'm an elf, Desmond. It goes against my nature to deny aid to a person in need. I was simply following my nature. However, I keep you close to my side because of your life vow. Giving a life vow means that you will give your life to spare mine. If I did and you are not killed, your life vow will take your life and give it to my body. For me to truly die, you must be killed first."

"Why did you hesitate to give your father a life vow, then?"

"If my father dies, I am next in line to lead my people. If I did and my father is later killed, who is left to lead my people?" Desmond nodded in understanding.

"Following your nature can't be the only reason you saved me, Faylen. Elves and humans have been at war for almost 300 years now. Why would an elf save a human - the enemy of her entire race?" Desmond asked gently. Faylen shook her head, refusing to answer his question. "Please tell me a reason. Any reason. If it must stay secret, I will keep it as such."

"It must remain my secret, Desmond. I'm sorry, but I cannot give you the answer you seek."