Forever & Always

The Beginning

Everything was so clear when it started out.

I loved her and she loved me, just how it was supposed to be,

I was hers and she was mine

I can still remember her smile.

It was so perfect

Until she died

The funeral

People flooded the church with handkerchiefs and tissues stuffed in their pockets as I just sat there Staring off into space not believing any of this was actually real. All the people spoke, and all the people left, but there I stayed, sitting in that same spot just staring.....I felt nothing, not in a way that meant I didn't care, quite the opposite, I just felt nothing inside..... like I was an empty shell with no heart or soul, it seems when she left, she took those too. So, there I sat staring....

The casket/ the burial

I looked down into the casket and saw her beautiful face. Her hands holding each other right above her waist. I didn't seem like her at first, like I was looking at some kind of doll. She didn't have that glow around her she used to. I stood there staring at what used to be my future but was now only the past. A tear ran down my face as I looked upon her face one last time and walked away.

We all stood outside in the rain as the priest again spoke but without anyone really listening, we all held each other in fear of letting go in case they leave us as well. I stood closer than most surrounded by loved ones and yet feeling so alone.

The Gravestone

Everyone left after a while, all gone home to their loved ones, but I was here, still standing in the pouring rain in front of her grave. One could say I had come home to my loved one, in a way. There I stood in the pouring rain feeling nothing but the feeling of emptiness inside me. If it weren't for the rain, I may have been able to feel the tears running down my face, but I couldn't tell anymore.

The Empty Bed

I finally got the power to go back to our house.... my house. I opened the door and I could feel the cold air brush past me. The house seemed so empty and sad just as I did, without her. I slowly climbed up the stairs, each step harder to take than the last. Until I finally got to the top. Where our old bedroom was. I reached my hand out and grabbed the doorknob, it felt ice cold in my hand, the first feeling I felt that day, I slowly turned it and pulled the door open and inside was an empty discarded room with a bed that was a mess. I was so tired that I just slumped into bed. And could just barley smell the essence of her in the room. I laid there for what felt like hours before I burst into tears. That's when I heard her voice in my ear,

"There there my sweet, I am yours and you are mine," Then I could feel her warm gentle arms wrap around my waist as she said,

"Never forget, I'm here for you. Forever & Always"

And for the first time that day I smiled and closed my eyes and drifted to sleep, never to awaken again.