Lost?

Bell Tower of the East, that holds my soul trapped in the night. I fight to release myself from the grip of the Hunchback. It seeks to destroy my inner peace. It wants to rebirth the bitter side of my sanity.
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Do I have to believe? Why? What is the purpose?
Yet, I had to believe in something, since I did not believe in myself.
Now, I stand inside my own abyss, of my own bitter and un-sweet melody.
And I wonder what I should believe in.
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Make believe.
So easy to make believe.
Unable to comprehend, I sleep and bathe myself in dreams. I make believe, to entertain my mind from realizing the one true thing I fear the most.
To come to terms that I am not in control.
I'm stuck in a world that I don't belong in and I don't know where to go.
I feel so unknown.
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My dreams have become blank and pointless.
All I see, all I remember, is darkness. It’s a pity that is all I see. I used to love to dream. It was so much better than living. Darkness surrounds me and I’m not in control of where I am.
Now I wake up to the same thing, same feeling. Nothing, like my dreams…
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Dreams are like living in another world. So beautiful and so unreal. I dream what my heart desires. It almost makes me want to sleep and never wake up.
But ever since my dreams became black, there is no way out of my misery. I’m stuck and I am choking on the fact that I exist in a world I do not belong in. My dreams have actually become my nightmares. It’s so dark, so quiet, so lonely.
Where is the light? I don’t see it! I seek the light!





(Writer's Notes: I wrote these little side poems/thoughts when I was very young, Sept of 2002. As I re-evaluate these, I realize that I was really lost, even though, back then, I did not know that.)