Expansions

A Love Note.**I tried to convey to him, (in a round-about way,.. I suppose.), that I am broken. But people, all of us; the best of us, often only see what it is we have already decided to see. It never is that; the beauty we built up in our minds. It never is that.

I swallow you whole, everything! Your taste, your beautiful potions of scents, the words you say to me, your perfection, your protection, your mind. Your love and pride for what is yours, the way you hold me, fuck me, let me fuck you. Your laughter! Your delight! Your rage, your contempt, the way you don't actually want to know anything about me. I swallow it all. I savour it, brand it to my soul, burn it in my mind, whole.
And, to be sure, whatever it is you think of me right now; it is just that. A thought. Just as wrong/incorrect/uninformed, as my thought of you. I think you irritated perfection, my perfection, mine. ***



turn Up
***Notes... In writing this poem I found a sense of release. Poetry is a way for me to interpret, or even just document, life and self. It doesn't always work, or translate for others. It is a very personal depiction of an inner world of thought and emotion. I hope to improve in form and message. In the darkest moments of depression, I often find a sense of clarity, and the subsequent desperation to be heard and understood. For awhile now, I have loved E.E. Cummings -" Anyone Lived in a Pretty How Town. " I enjoy trying to use words in abstract and irregular ways. I will attempt clarification now ...

°seek a new direction of thought, approach on life, expand mind higher, from darkness to light, low to high, negative to positive.
Cease (crash)toxic thinking patterns and harmful behaviors used to cope (manage)with life immediately (crash).

° continuously replaying and perseverating on past humiliating events and failures. Seeing them repeat. Resulting self loathing, lonely, dark, and quite expanding sadness. Feel destroyed and so small.

° Cry until you can no longer, release your story, cry some more. Lungs tight with grief. Such release and sadness often creates a euphoric trance. Euphoria is light, everything else is not. You can get caught up in this euphoria, but beware, your depression touches those around you, those you love, it spreads!

° Those who work to bring and keep you down, who want to see you bleed, turn and face them, make no apology to the attacker, bare your teeth and smile.

Life is bearable if you can see it simply, quite your racing thoughts, live without an over complicating, over thinking, always criticizing mind.
***