To love

At first you feel like clouds are crushing down on you; you suffocate. And the worst part is you can’t even express how you feel. You can’t put your finger on that part inside your soul that wants to die. You feel the world cannot understand your suffering, perhaps they don’t even care. For the first time you start to wonder what the next step is going to be, and for the first time it’s only up to you to take responsibility for your life; there is no more ‘us’ in your story and that scares the shit out of you. This mess in your head is slowly killing you. There is this fear, this sadness and this hate inside of you, they are dancing day and night inside your head and you don’t know which one you feed the most, that’s the worst part isn’t it? Not knowing! Not knowing if you’ll survive or not, if she cares or not… You spend your days waiting for night to come, and your nights waiting for the morning to come, time passes so slowly that you can’t bear it anymore… Until one day, one morning you wake up and you realize you’re still breathing, and it hits you: you survived! That girl you thought you wouldn’t live without is out there, far away from you, but you’re here, so detached from her, and so present in the world. She wasn’t the end of the world, she wasn’t even the beginning, she was a chapter that you will cherish until the day you die, but there are plenty of other chapters that are worth your love. Love isn’t meant to be quantified, it’s always in us, it is the only thing that gives your life a meaning, but it doesn’t necessary mean that you have to limit it to one chapter. If you have to love, love yourself first of all, love nature, love your art, love your life, and don’t be afraid to give it to the world.