My Sister

Where do I start? This one is complicated. We were never close. I even tried to get closer to her but we could only get so close. Don't get me wrong, I loved her, she was my sister. I have thought long and hard on this one. When we were growing up I was eight years older than her, we had nothing in common. She used to get a thrill out of telling on me. As soon as she found out I had done something mom or dad wasn't going to like she wasted no time running and telling them. She always got away with things I got my butt beat for. Mom told me once it was because she was the baby.
When she told me she had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer I was sure it was a misdiagnosis. It seemed like it wasn't bothering her. I thought we might get closer. We did talk some. At the end, I thought we were getting closer. I came home as soon as I got the word from my mom that the ambulance had just left with her. I had to call work and tell them what was going on and that I was on my way to my mother's. I was boohooing so bad my wife took the phone away from me and talked to my boss.
Back in my younger days, I drink quite a bit, but as I got older I just seemed to drink less and less. While my wife was talking to my boss I poured myself a shot of bourbon and washed it down with a swallow of cold beer. By the time my wife had got done talking to my boss, threw a couple of bags of clothes together, and got me in the car I think I was slinging back number eight and had finished two beers. As we got into the vehicle, without any alcohol, I wasn't bawling like a baby anymore.
She drove me back home and we talked along the way. She understood how difficult a relationship my sister and I had. I think it surprised her to see me crying like that. It surprised me, to be honest. Or that it took me several shots to calm me down and get myself back in check. I didn't understand it myself. When we were younger we couldn't even be in the same room with each other without hurling insults at each other. We couldn't have been more different. Over the years we got to where we tolerated each other more. We even got to where we could have a conversation and maybe even share a laugh about something.
When we got to my mom's, we got ourselves prepared, got out, and went into the house. My mom was a nervous wreck. We talked to her a while and she told us the story of how it came on pretty quick and she just couldn't breathe. My mom was the one who called 911. After the ambulance had left with her my mom heard on the scanner that as soon as they got her to the hospital they loaded her into a helicopter and flew her out. She had been airlifted to a hospital a couple of hours away by car.
We spent the night with my mom and got up early the next day and headed for where she had been taken. She was on a ventilator when we got there. I soon got into an argument with a nurse about whether or not we should change her code status. After I finally got the nurse to understand it wasn't her decision to make she went away mad with her lip all stuck out. My wife and I talked and called my mom and talked and we decided my mom would come with us the next day to see her.
When we arrived the next day and my mom saw her on the vent we talked some more and decided to take her off the vent and let God make the decision. She wound up going home and living a little over a year before cancer finally got her. I had hoped I would see her one last time. I had no reason to think I wouldn't. We had been back to visit and she was doing fine, even driving to the store and back. I just took for granted that I would see her at grandmother's 100th birthday and we would talk and we would get to say things and make amends and whatever.
This is another reason why I tell everyone don't wait to say something, don't ever think there's enough time or put something off for another time. Tomorrow is not guaranteed. The only time we have is right now, right this second. Here and now, nothing else. It comes and goes so fast and when it's gone it's too late. Tell them you love them, say I'm sorry. Treat every second as if it's the last time you're ever going to see them. You never know, it just might be.