Let's Talk

Hi,
Let's Talk.
The purpose of this article is to tell you what I have been going through as a 17 year old with anxiety (undiagnosed). I have to admit, there is a selfish reason behind this article too. I want to get many things off my chest and feel like I'm not alone. So, here I am, trying to tell you the most repetitive thing- you are not alone, you have me.

I still am a very normal teen- I wake up, contemplate life, drink coffee, take a shower and attend school while thinking about why I wore a particular outfit 7 years back. I think it's safe to say that I am an overachiever which and I think that's a little annoying because I really need to stop attaching my self worth to my grades and have fun once in a while.

See the thing is, I know all this. But do I do something about it? No. And that's my problem. Just like 15000 other 17 year olds out there. I think and overthink and try to write a college application while doing this. But my thoughts in the past few months have corrupted my brain and I need to vent.

A few months back I realised that the things that make me happy weren't just doing it anymore. Then I got to thinking and came to the conclusion that I hadn't been happy for quite some while. I only spoke to my dad about it and he suggested therapy. I am afraid of the idea because it seems too intense. I understand that it's a beautiful profession but I'm just not very comfortable talking. And so here I am finding someone just like me and saying hi!

So I worked upon myself. I tried finding things I'm grateful for. And this may sound like the most generic advice ever but it really does help. And it doesn't have to be anything big. just small things that make you happy everyday. I wont say that I don't get anxious or have breakdowns because to be honest I do. I have come to realise that its part of being human. everyone goes through it. No one shows it. But everyone has something going on. And that's why you should always always be nice to everyone. You don't know their circumstances and it's best to be kind. After all, politeness begets politeness. Unless it's high school. But that's okay. I'll try to address high school in a different article that's a whole other issue and it deserves my undivided attention.

Anyway, after school I eat and study. I try to go out but I don't enjoy social interactions very much. Now here's the thing. I wont say I'm a social pariah. I'm not I'm not. I like the idea of going out but after a while my social battery dies- like all of a sudden and that's just a part of being an introvert or maybe an ambivert. I'm still trying to figure that out.

And then there is night time- the time of emotional exhaustion and long mental conversations about "why don't they like me?" I had/ have the habit of ending my day on a very negative note; just thinking about everything that was wrong with my day. I wonder why it didn't occur to me to maybe stop doing that. I'm still guilty of doing it sometimes, but not everyday and I regard that as a personal achievement. We are not going to talk about the hour I sleep at as I am too embarrassed to reveal it.

Signing off now,
prish :)


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