Waiting For You

I sit here, this empty house of my head echoing noisily without your presence. I promise you, it was a lot quieter before you left. Why is that? Because you were the only one who used to give two damns whether I was waiting for you from afar. Instead, you’re just starting to realize the anguish you’ve caused. Yeah, I know I don’t have to be the smartest guy to say that, nor the last one to say it either. Every step you take leaves a mark that words nor memories can erase from me. You cannot hide from the reality of the situation at hand. You left. You didn’t even say goodbye and you left me, dumbfounded and desperate. All you ever cared about was that other boy who had you swooning to his pitiful gaze. You never looked back to see if I noticed. That pisses me off the most. You like it when other people give you love and attention, yet the only one you’ve ever reciprocated that feeling back was your stupid mate and even at that you failed, for he saw you for the monster you truly were. You were afraid that I was going to steal him from you. You cut me off and you lied to save your skin and tear off mine. When we get taken advantage of after so many times, you teach others that trust is a privilege, not an obligation. I’ve always been there for you. You claim you did, and yet that look you gave me the day you shut me down, it told me everything I needed to know about you. The calm, almost jeering play of a sneer on your lips told me who you really were. You once asked me
“Do you like hurting me?”
I’ll scoff now and say of course I do.
But really… deep down.. It hurt me more than any words you said as we fought
It hurt like hell and you still shrugged as if it were a little sting
When you need me most, I will have been long departed, the shining of the darkness you rapped me in, setting us both free as you bask in your terrible self righteous glory, and I, in my freedom to choose to finally let you go