Whispering Wonders

Whispering wonders, I imagine, grow asunder. Truth be told, various lies aren't hurting the perpetrators; they seek to destroy a person's character (reputation). It gives them great pleasure to gloat over things that they can get away with. Doing damage to anyone or anything gives them the attention they so desire. Daily, the news brings fear to a lot of people, knowing that their lives could be threatened; they're afraid to speak the truth. Kids have been bullied and killed. From one day to the next, innocent children and adults don't know if it will be their last and final day.

Whispering wonders are very secretive. When someone is making wild gestures with their hands and talks too loudly, it's normal to think that they're talking about you. If you're not liked by someone, words get around fast; all kinds of things are said that simply aren't true. Accusatory words speak volumes. Whether it's true or not what they say, it can cause someone to be ousted from society. This is very sad but true. Without a second thought, your life can be ruined no matter what status you've been given. Having done my best to stay out of situations that cause conflict, whenever I give my point about something, tempers begin to flare; this prevents me from getting any kind of help when my name shows up on the computer; it has escalated that much. For a few years now I have been homeless but I am grateful for having a motel to stay in.

Whispering wonders keep me wondering whether I have something to wonder about. What matters most to me doesn't matter to most people. This comes to my mind when I'm picking up the "I don't care attitude" that comes across as saying, "It's no skin off my nose that you're having problems, I'm not going to help you anymore, you're on your own". I've been told that I have graduated from mental health services, which means that I no longer qualify for their services. This was a good thing and a bad thing. It's all well and good but not being able to participate in their programs was a hardship in itself. When I was having problems, I couldn't get any help. I wondered if I would wind up having another relapse. This would put me in dire straits, fearing that I would be locked up in jail for something that wasn't my fault.

The stigma surrounding mental illness is real. If I should say something about how I feel, people would tell me that it wasn't true; it was all in my head. When nobody believes what I say, I'm traumatized by the pain I feel inside. Famished by exhaustion from fighting all this, I get weary; I feel that rather than wasting their time talking to me, they move on to somebody else who is more upbeat. Why waste their time on someone negative, right? It would only bring them down.

Whispering wonders make me wonder what people are whispering about. Was it something that I have done? Am I that bad of a person? What do they have to gain by spreading around rumors about me that they know nothing about? They haven't been where I've been or walked where I have walked. If they would take the time to know me better, it would be nice. By not taking this step, I would feel dejected, rejected, and ousted out of society. Being ousted from society, I feel humiliated, embarrassed, and full of gloom; I shouldn't be feeling like this; there's nothing wrong with me. It's true, I am slow but I do the best I can, and that is the best that I'm able to do.


Written by Anna Marie Carlson
Monday, December 27, 2021