The Mood

The Mood




I bet you are wondering what mood I am talking about. I can tell you it isn't the mood of love. This creeps in and leaves a trace of the fuck its and disappointment. It likes to rock your world in the roughest way possible and leave you in a whirlwind of confusion. Can you guess what mood I am talking about now?

Heated and steamed up and on a rampage of anger despite how good you may be doing; it still seeps in and takes over your once happy mind. It is like a bunch of he said she said bullshit playing ring around the rosie as if you are in a horror movie. There is nothing pleasant about this. The days turn into night terrors and the clouds don't seem too nice.

Walking in a virtual world in a fantasy that has gone wrong. Why is it that I can't tell what is real some of the times? They speak to me as if it is true not knowing the difference, I curl up and lay there waiting for it to end. Am I in a dream or is this just a nightmare I think to myself? Having to look over my shoulder as if I am being followed the paranoia flows in and takes over leaving me scared and feeling alone. The moods become so severe that I can't change it and make it disappear.

A sudden tremble covers my body, as I stand there in disbelief, I can't believe I am so heated like I am. What has caused this and why am I having it? I don't like feeling this way, I don't like it at all. I try to figure out what i can do to stop it, but it is too strong to control. You ask me if I am ok and I try to hide it, but it is written all over my face. There is no hiding it not even a trace. Why can't this be love that I feel as I want to be happy and not mad or overwhelmed.

Do you know what I am talking about now? I will let you in if you are prepared to hear what is going on. I am bipolar and have the moods of a rocky roller coaster, one minute i will be fine and then the next I am like a ticking time bomb not knowing when I am going to go off. I suffer with this every day and even though I take medication for it, it doesn't always work. Just ask my boyfriend he would be able to tell you how fast it changes. He is the first to know as i show him, but he is strong and holds on. I know that it is hard on him, but he can stay strong and help me through whatever it is that I need help with. I know that he has his own stuff that he goes through, and I feel like it isn't fair that he deals with mine. So, when I am ok, I try to be there for him, but still, he will pull me close and hold me tight and tell me everything will be alright. He has been a super amazing positive support in my life, and he reminds me day to day that I will make it through. He lets me know that we are in this together and that i will never lose him as our love is strong for each other.

Moods can be hard to deal with especially when you can't deal with them. It is how you cope with them that can make things better. Sometimes your coping skills may no longer work in a time of need, but you must try and change how you feel. My moods can be terrible and very unpleasant and sometimes when they get super bad, I must lay down and try to sleep it off. Trying to dream of a happy life and one less insecure about life itself. I know there will come a day that I am completely fine and happy all the time, but until then I have to make sure to find ways to cope with the moods and not be so rude when they come on.

From one mood to another, I hope that we all can be there for each other no matter what may be going on. Remember taking five minutes out of your day to let someone know that you care about them may make a difference in their mood or moods that they may be in. Try to understand where they are coming from and listen to how they feel.