My childish reflection on Romance

I read a series of comics recently( "manga"seems to be the more commonly used name, derived from Japanese) most of which were concerned with romance. I did not mean to read romance manga at first, but driven by my curiosity, I commenced reading the one called SPY FAMILY. However, it was not a typical romance since most plot were connected with a lovely kid, but I just could not help skipping to some scenes dealing with "the smiths". I sensed a shred of joy and excitement while reading some repeating plots.

Then, it hit me suddenly like a blow , the question, why would I feel so pleasant with those old tricks that had been applied in movies and TV programs over and over again? Did it demonstrate that I was seeking in love deeply within? In fact, I myself have been fallen in a one-side love for my one of my classmate, but I thought I had forgotten him, awaring he may not have crushed any girl. I don't conceive I would be easily drawn to somebody any longer, nevertheless, why did I still feel my heart pumping and beating heavily and that my face flushed once reading another Romance manga?

It perplexed me to wonder whether I still have some unusual feeling towards him. In fact, I know I was always trying to deceive myself and hide behind the truth. Truth is one I can hardly endure, but harder to endure than the simple fact is the lies that had been endured. They barely vanished.

The reason why I kept on reading those romances was that I could still pretend myself to be possessed by love and caressness, even they do not exist at all. I felt it. Sometimes, one has to depend on fictions or artificial amusement to indulge. Because one have to compensate for some real pain and anguish that can hardly be healed by time. Even if some blissful moment fades away,, slipping out of our fingers, love remains.