I hate it more than peas

Do you know what i hate worse than peas? Well let me tell ya. I hate doing cpr on old frail people. I hate knowing im going to break ribs, I hate knowing that if they pull through, they will have that pain to heal from. I hate the traumatizing sound and feeling of bones crunching under my weight. The sound of crunch snap crunch snap. The feeling of cold grey white skin under my fingers as I hold a BVM to someone little old grampa or gramma's face. I feel that loneliness seeping into my soul as I sense them flittering farther and farther from their body but I'm forcing them to come back to it.
I am so grateful no one had to deal with that with my mama's passing or my daddy's.
I dont want anyone to be traumatized that way. When that time comes for me, please just let me pass, hold my hand, and remind me of all the good times and all the love I have experienced. And please don't put me in a home and never come see me and allow me to die without you getting to say good bye.