Walking Alone

Walking alone

‘You know. You’re my most favorite person in the world. Mothers making me go away for a while so you won't be able to see me for a long time. I'm sorry we couldn’t do more together. I really wish we could grow up together. That was one of my choices, you know. I wanted to pick it so bad. I'm sorry I couldn't. I’ll find you one day. You might not remember me. But that’s okay. Just try your best. I love you very much. Always know that. Mika.’

‘Walk down your own path,’ they said, ‘you’ll be fine on your own.’ ‘Make your own choices…’. What if the choice I made wasn't right? Was it even my choice? No I don’t think it was. It was supposed to be though.

After a mass extinction happened, when too many people killed themselves because they were being held back by everyone else’s choices. When was that again? It was decided that everyone would be given a series of choices at the age of twelve. You get one choice, then you're sent off on your way. Without friends, leaving your family behind, if you had a family at all. Unless your choice and another’s choice said otherwise.

When I was twelve, I was given an unusual ‘opportunity’ as one of my choices. My mother wanted me to be unique, special, maybe even purposeful.

’Mika… don’t do this please.’

She chose it for me. Even though it was against the law. Now I'm stuck with it, staying alone for the rest of my life. On this ‘right’ path for me. Though I don’t think she fully understood what she chose for me. What happened to her again? I can’t remember.

’Mika.. you wouldn’t kill your mother.’

I've walked this path for many many years now. Cold, and lonely with no one in sight. No love, no warmth, no light at the end of the tunnel. If the tunnel even ends. I walk alone peacefully, but painfully. Screaming, but in my head only. Why on earth did she pick this choice? What was the choice she made again? I’m not really sure to be honest. I wish I could remember-.

’Mika! Please don’t hurt me!’

“Excuse me?” My eyes widen, a voice. A voice somewhere. I haven’t heard a single voice, not even a word, not even a syllable, in twenty, long, years. I want to see who it is, I want to reach out and touch their face. I want to put my ear to their mouth so i can hear better. Though, I can’t move my body, just walking, staring forward. Why can’t I move. I want to move. Maybe it’s just because I'm making things up again. I think I do that a lot.
“Are you alright? You seem very lonely…”. There. Again, they spoke. Please. Please. I want to see who is there. Let me see. Please.
“Hello there? Can you not talk? Can you not see me?” I want to see, I want to speak. Let me speak, let me see.
“Such a shame. I’ve been walking for so long not being able to see anyone in sight. For a fact I don’t know why.”
“I guess your choice was that you can’t see people, maybe.” Wait, was that my choice? Wait. No, no are you leaving? Don’t leave. Let me see you. I want to talk to you. How long have you been walking? Walk with me please.
“Well, goodbye then. Hope you made the right choice, because I sure didn’t. Was it my choice? I’m not really sure. I think I chose to leave my most favorite person in the world. Though I don’t think i wanted to”
“My best wishes to you, if you’ll give me yours?” No, don't leave. Why do you want to leave? Stay with me please. Don’t go. Don’t leave me again. Again? What do I mean? Still. Please walk in front of me so I can see. Please. Please.
“No answer. I knew I wouldn’t get one. Still, it's nice to try. What am I trying? I don’t know.”
“Okay then. goodbye Mika, I guess. I wish you well. It was nice to see you again.” Who is Mika? Mika, that name was familiar. That’s not me is it? My name, what was my name? It was Mika, it is Mika isn’t it. Right? Wrong? No, definitely right.

My eyes. Wait. I can move my eyes now. Please, who are you? You're not to my right, but to my left, I see you walking away. Please come back. You look familiar. You have black hair. Come back. Pale skin. Who are you? Did you have green eyes? Don’t leave please Camilla. Camilla? Who’s Camilla? Was that her name? It sounds familiar as well. Camilla. Her.

Camilla, why did you leave me? Why did you leave? I wanted you to stay. Why didn’t you stay? We could’ve been lonely together. You were my favorite person. You were right? I think so. Oh I don't know anymore.

Oh well. I’ll just be alone again, and forever more.

Wait a second.

Camilla. Sister. Sister Camilla. She left, she was my sister. My older sister. She left because mother told her to. She died because of mother.

I remember her choice now. She chose for me to kill the person who made me suffer. She didn’t know that that person was her. My mother. It was her fault. She made Camilla leave. Then she chose for her to die, then for me to walk alone for the rest of time. Do I regret my choice? Do I regret going against her decision?

No.
I don't.
She deserved it.
I made the right choice.
I dont regret it at all.
It’s all her fault.

‘Mika please! I love you! Don’t do this to your dear mother. You love me! Please Mika.’

‘Put the gun down…’

Goodbye again, Camilla.

Wait.

Who’s Camilla?
It sounds familiar.

The end