It Ended Up Like This:

583 Miles
My heart feels tender
Now that you're asleep
My eyebrows furrow
Emotions run deep

So many nights
Just normal scenes
So many nights
Spent joined through screens

I take you for granted
Just go through the motions
I take them for granted
With uncaring notions

Your smile's an image
Your embrace a ghost
'I love you' from Texas
While you sleep by the coast.


Early Elegy
My best friend with long red hair
born into cruelty with life unfair
parents scarred you, your friends betrayed
but I’m a person that you saved

year after year I've seen you lessen
I hope they fucking learn their lesson
how they took your light and snuffed it out
but if they will… I fucking doubt

and now I watch you fade away
as time passes day to day
memories fly by and I cannot cope
I know you feel there is no hope

the idea cuts me to the bone
two states away I whisper alone
that in my heart you’ll always thrive
and all I ask, please stay alive

it’s all I want, it’s all I can say
and that I wish I could find a way
a way to keep you here one more day
to keep the sadness you feel at bay

it's all I want, it's all I ask
a heavy, daunting, tiresome task
just please stay through another day
there’s got to be another way


3 AM
Nightmare of sleep
Air hiss relief
Still can't hear my screams

You won't wake up
Purple and orange
Spreading across your face

Don't leave me now
God please please no
Come back I need you

Anything but this


Fetishist
So you pick the game
And I'll play along
You write the lyrics
And I'll sing your song

The question I have
Is still burning strong
What is it I want?
And what answer's wrong?


An Ambien Addict's Lament
I wish I'd never found
The mansion in my shoe
Or the garden in my bed
I should have ignored the shadow voices
And never fed my head


Who, Not What
I am made by pain and joy
Not defined by girl or boy

These sex characteristics are secondary to me
Not defining who I am or will be

I am a person and it's not much
But a person's a person and that's enough


Painting the Roses Red
...for my sister

Sweet child
Was it all my fault?
I caught you red handed
Or so I had thought

When there's nothing but dark
A light doesn't matter
So you grew lonely, lost,
and oh so much sadder

I wish you the best
My dear white rose
You cannot be blamed
For the escape that you chose


Not How I Know Me


I don’t want to be a man
I can no longer be a girl
There is nothing I can be
That gets into this world

A body is a body
And nothing more than that
Still I wish I could convince my brain
To just accept this fact

But when I look in the mirror
I don't know who I see
The person who looks back at me
Is not how I know me


Paper


These papers paint a picture
I'm trying not to see
Because the picture that they paint
Is one they paint of me


I Love You
I can be pretty, dressed up for you
Lovely and sweet, good through and through

And I can be ugly, so ugly too
Inside and out and in the things that I do

The mirror is no gauge, that face is a lie
Changing and changing as each day goes by

But sometimes it's pretty, and I can be too
Or at least I can feel it, when I'm facing you