Short Fuse

“So tell me a little about your work experience. Have you found anything in this line of work particularly challenging as a ... um ...”

“Midget?”

“Is that the ... um ... preferred terminology these days?”

“How about munchkin?”

“No! I would never use that wor--”

“What about short stack? Ankle biter? Lucky charm? Fun size? How about Oompa Loompa, or hobbit, or a teeny tiny tossable tater tot?”

“I assure you that I didn’t mean to offend. I was only asking--”

“You were only asking if I found anything in my career challenging as what? Number one in my class at the London School of Economics? A standout analyst at McKinsey? An accomplished account executive at my current firm with the highest billables for six months running?”

“You’re right. I shouldn’t have assumed--”

“No, you shouldn’t have. You looked at me and the first thing you saw was what made me different. Do you want to guess the first thing I saw?”

“My ... privilege?”

“Actually it was your kneecaps, but then it was your privilege.”

“... Was that a joke?”

“Why don’t you get down on your knees so you can look me directly in the eye and see if I’m joking.”

“I’m really confused with the turn this conversation has taken ...”

“Good. Then you can probably imagine now why it might be confusing for someone with my resume to come into interview after interview and have the first thing anyone asks ... the first thing anyone seems to care about ... be whether or not my height deficit is an issue. Despite being immensely qualified for the job, and confident enough to tackle difficult situations without getting flustered in the process.”

“You’re absolutely right. And you are a very impressive candidate. I’m sorry this interview got started on the wrong foot.”

“Not a problem. I just wanted to set the record straight.”

“Okay, well, um, can you tell me about a time in your professional career where you overcame a significant challenge and what you did to accomplish that?”

“Oh, for sure. One of my biggest professional challenges has been that, as I’ve climbed the corporate ladder, I’ve found myself occupying nicer and nicer offices.”

“And that’s a problem?”

“Definitely. Because you know where the nice offices are?”

“On the higher floors?”

“Exactly. And do you know where the buttons for the high floors are on elevators?”

“Higher up?”

“Bingo.”

“Are you saying that your biggest professional challenge is reaching the elevator buttons for the executive offices?”

“Well, yes. I mean that and trying to do complicated statistical analysis for clients with unrealistic deadlines who just want us to tell them what they want to hear ... but for that I just put in the extra time and care needed to show we value our clients.”

“And what about the elevator situation?”

“Oh, I’m definitely going to need a step stool for that.”


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483 words

Written For: "The Dialogue 500" 

Prompt: This is a short month. Write me a dialogue about short people.