Listening

Rose

Rose had a problem and wasn't quite sure what to do about it, or even how, or whether, to approach the subject with someone else.

Rose, was an Apple Gall being, having been created by a gall wasp. Her host gall wasp had used essence of rose (from Love), oak (from Compassion), as well as, liquid amber, rambutan, ladybug, monarch butterfly, and a queen oak wasp.

Good advise

After a fun day at the nearby lake, Rose and Petals sat resting on one of Compassion's branches, going over the days events. Petals, another Apple Gall being, and Rose's dearest friend, was always fun to be with. Petals had been created from azalea, poinsettia, orchid, redwood, and hummingbird. Petals had been born with wings, making it possible to fly. Rose decided Petals would be the perfect person to talk to about her problem, and so jumped right in.

“Petals, can I ask you something, and I hope you won't think I'm being silly?”, said Rose.

“Oh Rose, I never think you're silly. Shoot!”, answered Petals.

“Well for sometime now, I've noticed something happening while I'm talking to others. It's not happening with everyone, but quit a few. It's as though whoever I am talking to is just not listening. I know they can hear me fine, but they aren't really listening. Now again, this isn't everyone mind you, but it is quite a few. Let me give you an example; I was speaking with Emma Blue Jay the other day and I started to tell her something about a project I was working on, I was so proud of what I had done and wanted to share that feeling, and before I could finish speaking, she started blurting out something she did that was similar to what I had been talking about. She cut me right off in the middle of a sentence, and turned the conversation so it then revolved around herself. I was so upset.

'Oh, and then there are a few that, no matter what I say, they have to tell of how they had done it bigger and better. This is almost every time I talk with these beings, so now I avoid sharing anything with them.

'You know, none of this would be so bad, except, sometimes I would like their opinion, maybe a little praise, instead, they've turned it around to themselves and what they did. It makes me feel so unimportant, so insignificant. It leaves me feeling like I hadn't said a word. Am I being selfish in thinking this way? Am I selfish for not wanting to hear about them in that moment?”, asked Rose.

Petals had to think on this for a minute. They knew exactly what Rose was talking about, as it had also happened to Them many times. It was frustrating trying to have a conversation with another who always brought the conversation back to themselves. Then, Petals couldn't understand why it was so difficult for them to not be aware, notice, or understand what was happening, how they were.

"Rose I can completely understand what you are talking about and how you feel, because sometimes, I feel the same way.”, said Petals.

Now they happened to be sitting on one of Compassion's branches, with the elegant rose, Love,being intertwined throughout those branches. They were both listening to Rose and Petal's conversation.

Love was the first to speak, “Excuse me my loves, but we could not help but over hear your conversation, we hope you do not mind?”, asked Love.

“Oh no, no, that's fine.”, both Rose and Petals replied in unison.

“We could use some wise advise on this matter, and who wiser than the both of you.”, said Rose.

“Sadly, your topic is something we are very familiar with. We've seen this behavior happening throughout our many years, and have had many discussions in regards to this very behavior. We imagine there are a few possible reasons this behavior might exist. Would you like to hear them”, said Love.

Both Rose and Petals nodded their heads and in unison said, "Yes, please".

"We think there are a number of reasons why some might act this way, and all can be very complicated, with so many dynamics involved. We did notice a couple of consistent behaviors, and/or emotions creating this behavior more others.

'One is emotions seems to be loneliness. When loneliness is involved, these poor beings seem to be so focused on their solitary life, sadness, and loneliness, that when they are with another person, all they want to do is to talk about themselves. We listened to their conversations , they were not thinking of what the other person was saying, or had said. We wondered if by doing this, talking about themselves, it may ease their loneliness.

'Then there are those whom are just plane selfish. We wondered if, maybe they came from an environment of others always putting them first, above everything and everyone, and so this person may think this is how it should be all the time? They truly love talking about only themselves at all times. They just never listen to another. They may not even realize they have this behavior, so unless someone points it out to them, they may never even realize.

'Then we also considered, maybe there are beings who have just never learned how to listen. They can hear very well, but just do not know how to “listen”, and they may not even realize that they are not listening. Very few beings understand that listening is not as easy as one might think. Listening is an important skill, one that takes lots patience, which we noticed is something that is becoming less present.

'The thing about listening is that it also takes selflessness, being able to put the other being first, and really listen to what they are truly saying. We've watched and found that when one can, and does listen, amazing things can, and generally, do happen. The speaker will feel respected, cared about, and fell important enough because they were heard. Also by listening, the listener might learn things not only from, and about, the speaker, but also about themselves.”, said Love.

Compassion responded, “We've seen how difficult it is, having a conversation with another who is not “listening”. Being able to calm the mind and focus on another is not always as easy as one would think. Love is correct, listening is a skill to be practiced, and listening takes time to learn. It takes being mindful of ones thoughts and actions.

'A possible solution to your question might be, when you are with another who does not have the skill of “listening”, remember you have options. One option might be to accept that the one you are talking with cannot, and, or, will not “listen". After recognizing this, consider not spending a lot of time trying to talk with them about yourself. You know you will not be able to receive the feedback you might be wanting or looking for. In this case, you can be the one who listens. You will be listening with no expectations. Enjoy the speakers company and learn what you can from them. Save those conversations in which you need advise, or want to share event's about yourself, for those whom you know do, and will, “listen”.

'For another scenario, when you are speaking to another who is not “listening”, and it is important to you that they do, you might consider pointing out to them what is happening. This will help them to become aware, and mindful of what they are doing. They may not have even been aware of what is happening, or of how they are. It's very possible they might appreciate you for pointing it out to them. This would be the optimal result, but also beware of those who might get offended, upset, or even embarrassed at your observation of them. Because of this, they might not behave in a desirable manner. In that case, there is nothing you can do. At least you tried.”, said Compassion

Rose looked at Petals, both nodding in understanding, for they not only heard, but had listened to what Love and Compassion had shared with them. Rose and Petals both embraced Love and Compassion, and thanked them for their wisdom. Everything they said had made a lot of sense.

Over time, Rose and Petals practiced what they learned from Love and Compassion that day. Each learning how to be better listeners themselves, and then find others who also listen.