Need I say more? |
Blasts of random radio noise can be detected while still circling for a parking spot "Everybody and their grandmother is here today" I grumble As I squeeze my car in between the bulging cart corral And the Kia Soul parked over the line Once inside, I'm enveloped by a crush of harried scurrying customers And a cacophony of unnecessary music and chatter descending From high powered bass speakers suspended from the twenty foot ceiling I dodge an overloaded cart manned by a multitasking mom and check my list Against the hopelessly disorganized shelves: My favorite coffee - sold out. Basic bread - price hiked by thirty percent. AM OJ - there's a virus decimating the Florida orange groves, dontcha know? Where's the French onion dip? Oh, that was discontinued due to Covid. Fresh produce? Looks like it was grown in a nuclear waste site. School supplies? Needles in a scholastic haystack. I spend ninety minutes tiring myself out, trekking up and down endless aisles Stuffed with dazzling overpriced merchandise I'll never want or need I watch as an old man stops his cart to bend over And pick up a bag of marshmallows Which had magically jumped off the shelf in front of him. Then, I wait in line, putting their WiFi to good use. The self checkout gobbles my money and stubbornly jams and I wait fifteen more minutes for the CSM to bring me two fifty in change. At least they don't weigh what you bag anymore - *UNEXPECTED ITEM IN BAGGING AREA* Good grief. I push my heavy laden cart through the lot Narrowly avoid getting run over Load everything into the car Wait ten minutes at the light to make a left Navigate a five mile long traffic jam through a construction site And then remember - I was supposed to buy milk. 34 lines |