Prepping for the Parents

“Sorry I’m late. The rain was makin’ the roads kind of scary. I was having to go so slow.”

“Your words.”

“Shut up. Where is everyone? Did something happen?!”

“Calm your tits, Xan. And give me that. You’re making a mess. Yeah, they’re flight was delayed a little. I guess because of the rain, you know how they are about airplane mode.”

“If I have to hear about cosmic rays one more time…”

“I’m sure we’ll hear from them as soon as their airplane landing, or lands. Is it landing or lands?’

“I’m tellin’ ‘em today.”

“Telling…?”

“That I’m gay, doofus.”

“Whoa, no shit?”

“Yeah. It’s time.”

“Wh-wha.. Why? Why now? What about… I mean, what happened to Thanksgiving? Did Pride Week get you hard on telling them or something?”

“Pride Week? It’s a whole damn month and you know it. And, no. Or maybe. I just know I can’t wait until friggin’ November to tell them.”

“Okay…”

“Stop. I can take my own coat off, Dee. And I thought you’d be more excited? You’ve been teasing me about this ever since you found those–”

“--I know what I found. Don’t remind me!”

“Yeah, so, what’s up? I’m trying to lift this burden and ‘be true to myself’ or whatever…. Wait. Do you have your own announcement? Are you and Sherry pregnant?”

“Umm, well…”

“Oh, wow! Congratulations, man! Oh, sorry. Got you wet.”

“No, man. It’s…”

“Sherr! Where are you? Where is she?”

“She’s… not here.”

“What, did you wait until the last minute to order the meat trays? You know how procrastinating that stuff gives you anxiety.”

“She left me. Th-that’s why I invited Mom and Dad here.”

“Oh, man. What?”

“She left me, and I can’t afford... Sorry. I can’t afford to live… on my own.”

“And… you’re gonna, what? Ask Mom and Dad to let you move back in? What about Pho-Tech? Daniel, what about Pho-Tech?!”

“They let me go.”

“What the actual–”

“They said they were phasing out my position a-a-and that I couldn’t be shifted to another department without having some Level Three credentialing. And before I knew it…”

“Damn, man! That is some bad timing.”

“Tell me about it.”

“Wait, is that why you didn’t bring her to dinner a couple weeks ago? How long ago did she leave?”

“Three months ago.”

“What?! And you’re just now telling? Well, when did Pho-Tech drop you?”

“...Four months ago.”

“Shit, man! Why the hell didn’t you say something?”

“I just always thought I’d land a job somewhere. That I’d still get to be independent, like you.”

“Dude, I have a studio walk-up with a laundromat two blocks away and I steal Wi-fi from the bakery downstairs. I wouldn’t exactly say I’m thriving.”

“Your apartment always smells so amazing.”

“Don’t get distracted. Come on, sit down. What exactly were you thinking of telling Mom and Dad? We got some high points to hit, right? Sherry, gone. Job, gone. Money… I’m assuming it’s gone if you haven’t had anything in four months.”

“DoorDash has helped a little, if I don’t always have to drive. But those damn robots keep showing up more and more.”

“Yeah, one zoomed past me on the sidewalk the other day. I felt like kicking it, especially since I know someone is actually driving it remotely.”

“Really? I thought they were robots?”

“Focus, Dee. What’re you gonna say? And what are you expecting? Do you think they’ll be mad? Disappointed? Do you think they’ll feel sorry for you?”

“I just can’t stand that look on Dad’s face when he’s let down.”

“Wait, did you think me telling them I’m gay was going to let them down twice over? After you tell them your stuff? You don’t think they’d be thrilled to finally know I’m gay and that I’m happy?”

“Whoa, happy? What’s his name, Xan?”

“We’re not doing that. Answer the question.”

“I… I just… When you told me you were going to tell them at Thanksgiving, then I knew I’d have plenty of time to help get them on board.”

“On board?”

“You remember what Mom was like when she’d see us watching Modern Family or Will & Grace.”

“‘Why do they need their own shows?’”

“Whoa, that sounded exactly like her.”

“I know. I hear it in my head every damn day… but I don’t care about what she said ten or twenty years ago. She’s going to know who I am now. They both will. And it’s not your job to upcycle some gay agenda for them ahead of time. They’re either ready or they’re not.”

“But, Zee…”

“No ifs, no buts, no coconuts, Dee. They’re going to be here at some point today, presumably, and we’ve both got some big news ready and waiting for them.”

“And what if they say no to me? And decide they want to disown you?”

“We’re not going to think about that. We’re going to practice what we’re gonna say and hope for the best. And if worse comes to worse–”

“‘They’ll never expect the Spanish Inquisition.’”

“Cute. But, no. You can come live with me until you’re back on your feet.”

“And I’ll get to meet… Reid? Tony? Brandon?”

“Not a chance… and looks like Mom and Dad are off the plane and should be here soon. Wait, did Sherry leave you because you lost your job?”

“She said a month was more than enough time to find a job to support the both of us.”

“Damn, man. Well, I never liked her. With her fake eyelashes and ugly toenails.”

“That’s very sweet, man. Thank you.”



Word Count: 932