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31 Days of Halloween day 22 |
This past year, I lost my father and brother-in-law. I was not particularly close to either of them, as they were both difficult men, but I did love my father and grieved him and the terrible way he suffered with lymphoma that was caught too late too save him. But he was 87, and it was likely something else would take him if that hadn't. As for my brother-in-law, his wife said he died of a heart attack sitting in his chair. He seemed pale and she asked him if he was ok. He looked at her, took two breaths and died. He had a history of heart disease and heart attacks. The last conversation he and my husband, his brother had, they were disagreeing about politics. His brother hung upon him. Two months later, he was dead. And then there was the death of my sister's beloved dog Molly, who me and my husband knew well. Sometimes I would go to a neighborhood park with my sister and Molly and Molly would try to get the squirrels in the trees. This past spring my sister had to put Molly to sleep as she became very ill. This was right on the heels of my dad's death. And there was also Lou, a guy who owned a health food store my husband liked to visit. Lou would have pens at his register that said "Stolen from Lou" and the name of his business. My husband would always get one or two lol. A few months ago my husband noticed Lou would be sitting in a chair in the store and not at the register. His daughter would be working the register. My husband also said Lou did not look well. He was concerned because Lou was usually a happy, peppy person. One day my husband was looking up the store to see what the hours were since sometimes they changed the hours they were open. On the website they said Lou had passed away and it looked like they had closed the store for good. It seemed sad and the end of an era that it was on the heels of the other deaths. It may seem strange, but not having either Lou or Molly around still brings tears to my eyes. I know the future will bring more loss, and I try not to think about it too much, but it makes me want to make peace with the idea of death. Right after my father died I had a vision of him as I was going to sleep. He had on the grey vest he was buried in and he was sitting in a chair and was tapping his hands on a table, as if he was waiting. I also had an experience with my brother-in-law who said he was lost and frantically searching for God . I had closed my eyes to go to sleep and I had a vision of him asking me for help and I sent him some positive energy. I suddenly felt a jolt, an energetic shift like maybe I did help him, then I fell asleep. He was a religious person in life who went to church regularly, and he could be generous at times, but he was frequently unkind and harsh in the way he dealt with people. Still, I tried not to hold that against him as I knew he and my husband had a difficult upbringing. A couple of years ago, I had a dream I was visiting a woman but I could only see the back of her. There was a dog scratching at the sliding glass door at the house she was at, wanting to be let in. The woman turned around and it turned out to be my deceased mother-in-law and she gave me a big smile. The lack of judgment coming from her was palpable, which is notable because she could be quite judgmental at times. When I told my husband about it I described the dog to him and he said it sounded like a dog she used to have. I knew about the dog but hadn't known what it looked like, because she no longer had the dog when I knew her. It is nice to think maybe they are hanging out together now. I have also possibly had signs from her. Shortly after she passed I asked her to send a fox and then my younger son had drawn a picture of a fox in art class and also there was a fox in the yard on Mother's Day. I also asked her to flick the lights on and off the night she died and then power went off for an hour and a half (be careful what you wish for). I have had other dreams about other people in my husband's family who are deceased. In one I had many years ago, my husband's dad and paternal grandma were hanging around in a flower garden with three children. I had mentioned it to my mother-in-law and she told me that my husband's grandma had three miscarriages before she had her only child, my husband's father. Were those three children the ones she had lost? I don't know. I've also had very vivid dreams about a golden retriever dog I had growing up, one where she was fetching a ball with a glow around her. I've read and heard many nde's where people talk of a place of indescribable beauty and color. I've had an obe myself, and though I did not go to another realm, I felt an enormous peace that was beyond imagining. These and other things make me think that maybe death is just a doorway and not the end. None of us get out of here alive. We will all eventually die. Here's hoping a beautiful glorious place awaits. |