My Conversations with God

"God speaks in the silence of the Heart. Listening is the beginning of Prayer."

          Mother Theresa

My Conversations with God

         I get asked many times if I attend Mass regularly.

         No, I do not. And I am good with that. My relationship with God is a very personal one.

          I have never prayed to God.

         Allow me to clarify that statement. I do not conventionally pray to Him as many people pray. After speaking with my Parish Priest, I was advised that the suggested method to address God in Prayer would loosely follow this format: addressing God Properly, thanking Him, asking Him for His Will, saying what you need, asking for forgiveness, praying with a friend, praying the Word (The Our Father), and memorizing Scripture.

         I advised the Priest that I had never used a format resembling his description. When I pray to God, it is more like a personal conversation. I always tell him who I am, "Hi, God, it's me, John." I know he knows it's me. I am just being polite.

         I start by telling God I hope he is doing well, and I appreciate everything he has done, from waking me up to just being alive one more day.

         I then talk to God about my day, successes, failures, and worries. My fears are often quite a few. I seldom have achievements to discuss; however, when I do, I tell Him and thank Him for helping me achieve them.

          When I talk with Him, I don't expect a bright light to shine and a miracle to occur. I receive the knowledge that I am heard, listened to, and loved by Him, who isn't judging me by my actions or inactions.

         Having this relationship creates a peace of Heart-something greater than peace of mind. When there is peace of Heart, there is an acceptance of what has happened, what is happening, and what can happen.

         My conversations with God have gotten me through three family deaths, four nervous breakdowns, job separation, permanent disability, my wife's three brain tumor operations, and a plethora of family crises.

         I start our talk every night the same. When I begin talking, I always let Him know I appreciate him bringing my wife into my life. I go over the circumstances of how she and I met and how only divine intervention could have been the cause. I recollect the Prayer and what I had stated the night before she and I met. There were too many coincidences to be just lucky.

         I ask God for forgiveness for any transgressions, even if I have already Confessed earlier. I suffer from a paranoia disorder where I feel I am guilty for all past transgressions all the time, no matter how many times I Confess my sins. I know God forgives me, but I don't know He forgives me.

         I express gratitude for my day and all the blessings of that day. If I had a difficult day, this is a problematic section; however, I still do my best to provide at least one blessing without repeating the previous day's gratitude.

         I then talk about my family with God. I express my concerns regarding my family members and their lives, worries, and problems. I ask God to comfort them in their time of need, even if they don't have the belief that I do. I then pray for them to know God is always there, waiting.

         Before my mother passed away, she and I had many good conversations about dying, Faith, and God. She told me how she overcame her debilitating fear: listening and Praying, and "Letting go, and letting God take care of it." She explained that she handed God her doubts, fears, and uncertainties about dying and death. She said that once she could do that, she could live each day in peace. And she did.

         It has taken me a lifetime to get to where I am in my relationship with God, and I am still not as close as I want to be. I considered my mom a spiritual person before she passed away. It took the process of dying for her to reach that plateau of Spirituality. I hope to achieve that without a death sentence and by God's Grace.

         "Prayer is putting oneself in the hands of God and listening to His voice in the depths of our Hearts."

         Mother Theresa

{Dropnote:"778 Words. The prompt: God's Effect on your Life and your experience with God and how He has worked and works in your life."}