Chapter 038: Sir Skeleton and the Snake

Tower Floor 8

Carter ascended the staircase with the pains and bruises of the last floor. The opaque nature of the staircase keeps its secrets until you cross the threshold.

"What surprise awaits me this time," said Carter as he entered the eighth floor. As the floor came into vision, a giant army of skeletons came into focus. Skulls, bones, and rusty swords surrounded his vision.

"Oh," said Carter in surprise. The skeleton army of hundreds was not moving towards him. They held their swords up high, bouncing them up and down with their bony arms.

"Greetings, traveler," came a voice from behind him.

He slowly turned to see a Giant Skeleton wearing a two-piece suit and white gloves. He was sitting on an oversized throne of skeleton bones and skulls. He held a book and a delicate tea cup in his bony hands. On the throne's armrest, two women, lying like lions do, were strapped down.

"Help us," screamed one of the women.

The Giant Skeleton placed his book on his lap, grabbed the woman's dark-colored ponytail, and pulled her head back. "We do not talk unless we are talked to, Karol," said the giant as he released her hair, and her head flew forward.

"Please forgive Samantha and Karol. They were caught trespassing on my domain and got all tied up," laughed the Giant Skeleton.

He looked back toward Carter with a wide smile. The smile was missing some teeth, making it look very menacing.

"I'm sorry I haven't properly introduced myself. I am Sir Osseous." His bony jaw moved up and down smoothly as his empty eye sockets, the size of basketballs, stared at Carter.

"My name is Carter, sir."

"Oh, Carter, that's an unusual name. Take off your hood so I can see you properly," said Sir Osseous.

"I rather not," said Carter.

"Oh, bother. Well, it doesn't matter. I have enough armrests, so I don't need you," said Osseous as he grabbed the women around their waists and squeezed. They let out groans of pain.

"Kill it," said Osseous to his skeletons, lifting his book back to his face.

Carter slipped his great sword from his rucksack and assumed a defensive stance. The skeletons raced at him with their swords overhead, screaming curses in his direction. His great sword cut through their rusted steel and brittle bones, thrashing them to the ground. The skeletons were relatively slow, but given enough of them, they could get lucky and gravely wound Carter. He cast a few Fire Ball spells between swings, killing several skeletons at a time.

Sir Osseous heard the explosions and lowered the book down to look. "Interesting, a magician and a fighter. Take note, Karol. That's how you should fight."

He went back to reading.

After a dozen minutes, Carter finished the last skeleton. He then applied his healing spell to his wounds. "Where they lack in fighting skill, they make up for in sheer number," said Carter to himself. A lesser person would have died from that many cuts from the skeletons. The punches, grabs, pinches, and bites were less damaging but disturbing. He had many times picked out skeleton's teeth from his arm.

He had fought his way hundreds of heads away from Sir Osseous. "Let's get this over with," said Carter. He opened his bag and started sucking in hundreds of different colored coins as he walked back over towards the throne.

"Whatcha reading?" said Carter.

Sir Osseous looked up at Carter and then towards the horizon. "You killed them all?" said Sir Osseous.

"You killed them all? Ah, sounds like a thriller," said Carter as he pointed to the book.

A foul look came to Sir Osseous as he dropped the book he was reading and stood up. Sir Osseous towered thirty heads tall as he looked down at Carter. His giant balled fist fell towards Carter's head as Osseous screamed a primal scream. Carter jumped backward out of the way and sliced off one of his bony fingers.

"No!" screamed Osseous. The aggressive-natured Skeleton's demeanor changed as it started looking for his finger on the ground.

"I use that finger," said Sir Osseous. Finding it, he grabbed it off the ground and fused it back into his hand. He looked back towards Carter and then genuflected to the ground.

"You have bested me, Sir Carter," said Sir Osseous.

Carter itched his head and said, "But all I did was cut off your finger."

Sir Osseous stood up and placed his face a few heads away from Carter. "I am just a pile of bones. Without my flesh, I can't do too much to you. That one hit was the best I could do. I'm tired now and wish to give up."

"What about that giant sword lying next to your chair? You could use that," said Carter.

Sir Ossesous leaned in again, saying, "Don't tell Karol, but I can't lift that thing. Look at these bony hands!" He held out his giant skeleton hands, palm up.

Carter looked around and then asked, "Now what?"

"Well, you're my master now. You won me, Samantha, and unfortunately, Karol," said Sir Ossesous. "Oh, and my magic large sword," added Ossesous as he pointed towards his throne.

Carter walked past Ossesous to his throne. Karol met his eyes and started yelling, "Untie me, simpleton!"

Carter ignored her and walked by.

"I don't like you. You hear me, Karol? I don't like you," said Ossesous as he placed his face next to Karol's face. She closed her eyes and became quiet.

Carter picked up the giant sword and swung it around. It was lighter than it looked.

He swung it toward Ossesous, and he backed up. "Whoa! Watch where you're swinging that!" he screamed.

"What am I going to do with you?" asked Carter.

"I'll go back into my effigy, and you can just carry me in your little bag there," said Ossesous.

Carter remembered what an effigy was. Fable had one, and he ate it. He missed Fable.

"Do I have to eat it?" said Carter.

"Nature, no. Why would you say something like that?" asked Sir Ossesous.

Carter shrugged his shoulders.

"Just let me out occasionally so I can read some new books or if you need help," said Ossesous.

"Like if I can't reach a high shelf?" laughed Carter.

Sir Ossesous ignored that comment and walked over to his throne. He looked at Samantha and said, "You will always be my favorite, Samantha. Hope to see you later."

Samantha let out a little moan and closed her eyes.

Sir Ossesous looked at Karol with a scowl that could kill a person. He pointed his bony finger at her and then moved it to his throne. Ossesous and his throne disappeared and were replaced by a small, detailed plaque with a picture of Ossesous smiling. Karol and Samantha fell to the ground with a thud and a moan. After loudly grunting, Karol stretched herself off the ground and started kicking the effigy around.

"I don't like you either, you asshole!" she screamed as she kicked his effigy into the dirt. She finally stopped and helped Samantha off the ground. Carter walked over and threw Ossesous's Effigy into his haversack.

"You're not keeping that, are you?" asked Karol. Karol wore an armor suit made out of boar-hide. Her dark hair passed her shoulders and was ponytailed in the back. Her face was young-looking, and her full lips were red. She was good-looking and had a scowl on her face all the time.

"I keep everything," said Carter as he started walking north.

"You don't want to go that way," sputtered Samantha in a weak voice. Samantha's blond hair was thick and down to her navel. She wore armor made out of boar hide, too. Her armor was more skimpy and showed her cleavage and belly off. The bottom was just a skirt that rode way too high.

"This is the way to the next floor, Samantha. I need to reach the top," said Carter.

"That's Captain Samantha to you!" said Karol.

"Karol, stop it," said Samantha, "Our fort, our home, is on the floor above and has been taken over by a horde of carnivorous bugs and a giant Ogre."

"A real ugly one," added Karol.

"We need to reach Arthur and seek his help," said Samantha.

"As much as we hate that asshole, he controls the people to help us," said Karol.

"Good luck with that," said Carter as he started to walk away. He wasn't about to tell them that Arthur was dead.


"Can't you help us?" asked Captain Samantha.

"No. I need to get to the top of the Tower," said Carter.

"The top? You?" asked Karol as she started laughing.

"Please, we have no options," said Samantha.

"I'll stop by your fort and look," said Carter. He was going that way anyway.

Samantha looked at Carter and then back to Karol. "We'll come with you," said Samantha.

"I thought we were going to get Arthur's novices to help. Remember, meat shields," said Karol as she whispered that last part.

Samantha whispered something into Karol's ear. Karol looked at Carter strangely for a moment and then shook her head.

"It's on you, Captain," said Karol.

Captain Samantha smiled at Carter and said, "Let's go."

"Um, okay," said Carter. Samantha and Karol took the lead, and he followed.

He hadn't had the time to notice before, but this level was cloudy and mirky. The sun hid behind large clouds, and the temperature was around 20 Celsius. The girls chatted up a storm as they discussed why the skeleton was at the exit and how their Fort was taken over.

Carter just smiled and nodded. He was hoping he could see some monster action soon.

Samantha and Karol stopped, and Carter almost ran into them. Karol turned around and pushed Carter back, but it didn't quite work. "Watch where you're going," said Karol. Carter was starting to understand why Sir Ossesous loathed Karol.

Samantha lifted the horn on her hip, which caught on her skirt, showing she wasn't wearing underwear. Carter wasn't quite sure if this world had underwear or not. His outfit didn't have any.

She placed the horn to her lips. Carter walked up and stopped her from blowing. She looked back at him and said, "A large nest of snakes is ahead. This horn will scare them."

"Oh, I know. I was hoping to kill them with my sword and get their snake meat," said Carter.

Karol pushed away Carter's hand, which was touching Samantha's horn. "How dare you!" screamed Karol.

"Calm down, Karol," repeated Samantha as she looked at Carter and asked, "Snake meat?"

Karol impatiently grabbed her horn and sounded it off. She didn't let Samantha finish her diplomatic banter with Carter. The sound moved across the field, finally hitting the snake's fragile ears. They looked towards Karol and then back to a small copse of trees next to the staircase.

"Somethings wrong, blow it again," said Samantha. Karol blew the horn again. The snakes stood up and looked towards the trees again.

A large head popped out of the long grass. It was the size of a small car, with white scales and teeth as long as Carter was tall.

"What is that?" asked Karol as she and Samantha ducked into the grass slowly. Carter stood quietly behind them as they were deciding what to do.

Samantha turned around and saw Carter standing there. "Get down!" she yelled.

The enormous snake periscoped to the sky, sixty to seventy heads tall. "What is going on?" said Samantha as she looked at Karol. Karol had fucked up.

Carter stood up and said, "That looks like a lot of snake meat."

He took off running as Samantha tried to grab his cloak. "You fool, you'll die," screamed Samantha. It wasn't the first time he heard that.

The enormous snake's beady eyes focused on Samantha's scream and took off, slithering toward Carter and his group. The overgrown snake slithered over all the other snakes, disregarding them so he could eat Carter first. Carter jumped into the air and aimed his sword toward the head of the snake. The snake snapped his jaws closed and grabbed Carter mid-jump, and Carter disappeared.

He had seen so many movies where the hero jumped into the mouth of the monster and killed it by cutting it from the inside. That plan was not working. The inside of the snake's neck contains muscles that constrict their prey. Carter couldn't bring his sword up from his side to cut the snake. He was being squeezed to death, and he couldn't breathe.

"Plan B," thought Carter to himself. He closed his eyes, cast his fireball spell, and allowed it to grow below his feet. He would have to time this right so he wouldn't pass out. It needed to be big enough to give him a hole to escape.

"Was that Carter's plan? Make the snake have a bad taste in its mouth so he wouldn't eat us?" asked Karol. Samantha knew that running wasn't an option. She stood up and played her horn loudly. Karol understood, stood up, and played her horn too. The enormous snake looked towards the women and slowly started to move. It wasn't in a rush anymore and needed to digest Carter. The Giant Snake turned its head and mentally told the other snakes not to fear the horn's noise and to kill the noise makers. They responded by slithering towards Karol and Samantha.

A low sizzling noise started to come from the snake's body. The enormous white snake didn't pay it any mind at first. The sound of sizzling grew louder, and it slowed down its pace. The middle section of his body was starting to expand like a balloon, and the creature began to panic and thrash around.

Boom! A large explosion of flame and snake guts blew out from the middle of the white snake, removing a quarter of its body. Frying flesh and burning snakeskin went everywhere. The blast knocked out Samantha, Karol, and the dozen Giant Snakes, now deprived of a leader. They were not moving.

The enormous snake, cut into two, did not disappear, and Carter was lying on the ground with pieces of the snake surrounding him. His cloak and clothes had deteriorated; his skin was lightly toasted and covered in snake guts. He started laughing as he lifted himself.

He let out a little moan as the pain started to kick in.

The surface of his body was covered in blisters and burn marks, masked by burning snake mush. His body glowed white as his spell started regrowing his skin back. He walked over to a large part of the snake, stuck his hands in, and reached for his sword. Covered in blood and soot, his sword was placed back in his rucksack, which was unharmed. He walked towards the other giant snakes, who were starting to awaken from their nap. He was pissed that the enormous snake wasn't going to give him snake meat. He'll take it out on these little ones.

A lone figure wearing a hooded cloak with red hair blowing in the wind watches from afar. She watches the fight and comments out loud. "Interesting way of killing Carom's pet, I guess," said Aerofat. Carter is seen jumping from snake to snake, chopping heads off, and splitting bodies in half. "My master is going to have a hard time killing this Carter, and Carom's running out of summons," said Aerofat. She pulled a small stone out of her bag and squeezed it. Her figure disappeared as a bright light flickered.

Carter stood still after he killed the last Giant Snake. He let out another low moan. His healing was taking a while. His body was still covered with burn marks and blisters. His burns hurt like hell, and the dirt, guts, and bile mixed with his wounds didn't help his situation.

"Mistakes were made," said Carter, his body primarily naked and still glowing white. He pulled out another set of clothes and started putting them on. He hated to get them dirty, but he couldn't be recognized as a male. He opened his haversack and sucked in all the treasure and tasty snake meat. A small diamond flew by his head from the direction of the enormous snake. He turned around and walked back towards it.

As he approached the dead snake, he stopped and looked around. A pile of gold and gems covered in viscera, bile, and blood was on the ground. The enormous snake must have eaten people, and this stuff stayed in its stomach. He picked up one of the sticky gold coins and saw a picture of an alien-looking woman. The coin's head side had a bust with three eyes.

"This snake must not be from around here," said Carter. The other side of the coin was covered in guts.

"Gross," said Carter, which was ironic because he was also covered in all that offal. He opened his bag and sucked in all that gut-covered treasure.

"I'll clean it later," said Carter.

He saw the staircase in the distance. "Tiny," the snake must have been guarding this exit, smiled Carter. He turned around towards the two unconscious women who were still knocked out by the blast. He contemplated leaving them there.

"No one likes you, Karol," said Carter under his breath. He reached down, placed both of them on his shoulders, and then walked up the stairs.