Libertalien

“I don’t understand.”

“I’m exempt from paying taxes. That seems pretty straightforward to me.”

“Is your organization a nonprofit of some kind? A church?”

“No, definitely not.”

“Do you have an offset from a previous year’s return, or some write-offs that you haven’t included?”

“I’m an alien.”

“Sir, nonresident aliens are still taxed on their US-sourced income connected with a US-based business or trade.”

“You aren’t hearing me. I’m an alien. A from-outer-space alien.”

“Uh huh... well, even if that were the case, I feel like our ‘nonresident alien’ descriptor would still apply. I mean, whether you live in Mexico or on the moon, either way you’re still not a resident of the United States.”

“I guess you’ve got me there. But the thing is, I’m still not paying taxes.”

“Why?”

“Because I would rather go back to my ship and vaporize this entire building than contribute thirty percent of my paycheck to your various tax structures. I mean, what even is SSDI? But I swear to God, if you try to take it out of my paycheck again, I’ll wipe this agency off the face of the Earth.”

“... well, in that case, let me just call my supervisor and see what we can do...”


“Wow, that guy you just helped seemed pissed.”

“Yeah... who knew that Martians would turn out to be Libertarians?”



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226 words

Written For: "The Dialogue 500" 

Prompt: You explain to the IRS that you don't have to pay taxes.