I know everything

about f'n know-it-alls

In the 41 years I’ve been around Ive encountered 2 people who legitimately believe they know everything. The first feller was someone I worked with at Harris Teeter when I was 20, he was 35. We were at lunch. I can’t remember exactly what we were talking about that lead up to it, but he said to me, “when you get to the point where I’m at, I’ve learned so much there’s not a whole lot more I can learn”. I wonder if the phrase ‘full of shit’ would have meant anything to him. I don’t think I’ve met a guy since then who was that full of himself; it was a shock his ego didn’t blow his head up like a blimp and float’im to the ceiling. And to top it off, I don’t believe it was possible to have a conversation with him for more than 5 minutes without him preaching about how smart and educated he is, “remember I told ya I’m smart!” And then there was “I told you I’m educated!”. … There was one night (we were on graveyard), he was talk’n to one of the other guys about his white water kayaking adventures and how rapids are classified and that it wasn’t about how much water is going through a rapid, then I spoke up and said, “it’s the danger”. Then turns his head to me and says “don’t be talk’n like you know anything”. Then turns right back to the guy he was talk’n to.
Oohhh I’d have one or two or a few things to say to’im if I could go back to that moment. … such as “dude, could you be any more of a conceded dickhead? ‘Don’t be talk’n like I know anything!’ Do you really think you’re the only one who knows anything? Or are all the rest of us idiots compared to you?”
There was another night, I walked past’im in his isle, he was work’n with some one else, I looked at’im and said, “what’s up pumpkin head”, and he says back to me with a cocky smile boiling with his ego, “a lot of information in that pumpkin!”. I didn’t say anything else, just kept walking.
I guarantee y’alll he was extremely ignorant of the power and benefits of meditation.
He was the type who believed “educated” means a person has at a bare minimum a Bachelor degree (or a bull sh** degree as my dad says - and my dad acquired a bachelors in mathematics a long time ago). I think he was going for a Doctorate.
He was so smart in fact, it’s why he was work’n 3rd at Harris Teeter for 8.50 an hour. He’s one of the biggest fools of them all.
Oh, and he claimed that he was in motion 24/6, save for Sunday, the only day he claimed to get any sleep; and he said to me once that he prefers doing fun activities over sleep. I don’t think he was aware that constant lack of sleep is a leading cause to Dementia.

The second guy was someone I knew by face when I was staying at a homeless shelter in Colorado. One morning when we were waiting to get back inside the building. He was talking to someone about somethin’er’other, then he says, “I know everything, I just don’t know it all at once!” Then he goes spout’n about the history of Pop Rocks like it was some very important piece of knowledge.

Ok technically there was a third guy. Someone I worked with many many years ago at a state park. The kind of person who believes that anyone without college education is automatically dumber… and not even worth talking to. He was a d**k.

Ok I have to add this one as an honorable mention 4th. A guy I worked with many years ago in parks and recreation. I don’t think his brain ever caught on to the fact that he was no longer in the military. He could lay back in a recliner admiring himself all day; think’n out loud how much of a MFing genius he is. He was quite high on himself. Unfortunately he outranked me.
He was the type who believes military service should be mandatory. As he said, “it would get everybody in the right frame of mind.”





3/4/2024
3/19/2024

Quiet the Wilder