South Dakota Jewish Autonomous Zone Ch.2

Chapter 2: The Shop Goes as Usual.

Daniel walked into the shop and was greeted with a pleasant breeze from the AC gliding across his carpetless head like a flow of milk dropped from an infant's cup.

"Yo", he said to Peter who was busy making a sale to a customer over the phone.

"Sir, I understand your upset that the model eight wasn't what you were looking for and that you're looking to uninstall. Now I can't do that over the phone. if you wanna come in today i'm free to help you out and find you a replacement".

Peter looked over towards Daniel and held up his pointer finger.

Daniel nodded and clocked in with his Personalized Torah ID

"Welcome Daniel, Shift starting at eleven thirty six am", the robot resounded with its choppy voice.

As Peter was finishing up the phone call, Daniel perused the various charts and graphs hanging up on clipboards on the small cork board just to the right of the entrance. He didn't know what he was looking at but pretended a great deal to.

Peter set the phone down and said to Daniel, "c'mon , get over here and let's start the training"

"Ay Ay", Daniel responded as he walked towards Peter.

He lifted the velvet rope blocking access to behind the counter, and replaced it before looking at Peter and saying, "so what's the menu for today's um'glik¹

"Oh Daniel, hush it. See this as fun and it will be to you", Peter responded.

"Whatever you say Petey."

Peter rolled his eyes, and moved on with business.

"Today at Two we have a man coming for a removal, one Aaron Adelman. I'll handle that, of course, but what I want you to help him with is to find just the right model for his needs. think that's something you can do?"

"You betcha, If it's for the ladies, the model three, or even the model x if her man knows how to treat her right. Now if it's just for himself, I'd say the standard or the model six would be ideal. Say, Peter, which style is he branding right now?"

"Seed booster, four."

"Oy vey, these fumbly bumpkins all walking around with the same thing, and they all think their special too"

"It's a popular one for a reason you know"

"Yeah yeah. Well what was his issue with the model four then? Hurt too much to finish?"

"Bingo."

"See, I told you I'm the jew for the job." Daniel proceeded to strike a pozah. Left elbow sharply pointing towards the sky, its hand placed delicately near his face. His right arm jutted forward and fingers splayed as if holding a ball. His glasses glimmered in the sun.

"Nice pozah Daniel! Good stuff."

"Danke² Peter, Danke."

Peter suddenly igniting with raging chutzpah ³ and unveiled a Pozah of his own. He shut his eyes, cleared his mind, exhaled a deep breath and casually slid into his pozah. Legs casually distant apart, hip jutting the right, left arm still and innocent by his side. His right pointing forwards with a straight finger. He leaned into this pose and wonder struck Daniel.

"Oy vey Peter, you're gonna knock me over with that pozah,'' Daniel said, holding up his hands to block his vision from the holy light of Peter's pozah.

Peter returned from his Pozah and said, "That's my kicker, the real winner, the one for the heavens, The Lord's chosen Pozah."

"Nu, Peter you're starting to sound like your Tateh already."

"I see no issue there."

"Fair enough."

Peter went to the back office to do some work and trusted Daniel enough to let him manage the front, it's part of his training. It was around twelve thirty when Daniel's first customer entered the shop with the bell's greeting.

The man was your average Yid. Payot, long beard, curly hair, shaved forehead, the run of the mill jew.

"Basic model for sure", Daniel thought.

As the man approached the counter Daniel realized just how short he was. The man's afro stood barely over the counter, but when he spoke it was the voice of a man; deep and growly.

"Four of the fours, bitte.⁴"

"Woah sir, only one per customer. Sorry but you're not a hedgehog."

The man in front of the counter suddenly became very angry and said, "Now I don't need you treating me any differently just because I'm short. I'm buying for a party but I see how it is around here. Good day to you sir."

He stormed out the shop, the bell never missing its cue.

"Oh jeez, my first customer and I screwed it," Daneil thought in half shame, half annoyance with the man for not getting his joke, however niche it may have been.

In the back office Peter was reading through many notes his father had written for him over the years for how to run this place, and they've all been accumulated into one folder. Peter flipped through various pages and sticky notes looking for the section of product removal from customers.

"Oy vey ist mir⁵, this is gonna be a shver ⁶ one today Peter", He thought to himself, still looking for the right note.

He fingered his way through the last few pages, desperately hoping to not have to improvise this whole operation. He flipped to the very last sheet of paper in the folder. In a note on the bottom left hand side read:

Peter, if a customer returns with a complaint and a want for a removal, here is what must be done. First take the tool kit that sits in my lower desk drawer, out of there receive the flat screwdriver and the expansion tool. You'll know which one is the expansion tool, it's like a scary little crab thing....

Peter read the rest of the note and was confident in his abilities. It was 1:30 PM and Adelman should be arriving any minute now. Peter stood up from the chair and headed out to the shop just as Daniel was handling a transaction.

"Believe me, this one is a fan favorite. Provides a nice warming effect, or cooling if that's your style, we cast no shame here," Daniel chuckled. "And it only comes to 152 dollars and 38 cents. A steal for what the crud you could find elsewhere around these parts."

"I'll buy it," the customer said enthusiastically, tapping his Torah onto the checkout machine.

"Enjoy your new life sir!"

The bell to the door rang as the man walked out. Peter watched in amazement from the door of the back office.

"Bub, you really know your stuff."

"I told you Peter, I'm the Jew for the Job."

"I guess you're right, you're the jew for the job!"

The two stared at each other and a chord struck between them. A pozah they have been working on for quite some time. Dual pozah was once a detainable act but in recent years the stigma has cooled and a new scene of cooperative pozahs sparked and it became a widely beloved form of art much as a single man pozah is art.

The two stood equidistant from each other, facing in the same direction. Their feet were hips length apart and in that movement they bent over onto their side and met the other with two pointed fingers on each hand. They joined together into one being in a momentary flash only for it to fade the very next. The two broke their pozah in a wondrous burst of chutzpah and comradery.

They stood together in what they could only imagine to be what it felt like to be in the presence of the lord in the Most Holy room of the Tent of Meetings. They felt The Lord's cloud right over them at that very moment. Yet it would soon turn to fire as it had all those years ago with the wandering Israelites who left Egypt.

Suddenly the door slammed open with a chingling of its bell. An exasperated and frantic man rushed into the shop pleading to the boys, "you gotta help me, you gotta protect me, please!"

1 Yiddish for "Disaster".

2 Yiddish for "Thank you".

3 Yiddish for "Confidence"

4 Yiddish for "Please".

5 Yiddish for "Oh Woe is Me". Often shortened to just, "Oy Vey".

6 Yiddish for "Difficult".