Dr. Erich Faust

The dance between my mind and this realm has been opened once again, my fingers lingering on the paper, my soul falling though the cracks of my emotions to the deepest of hells.

"My understanding of what i would call love has been changed by her, her deep ways of always showing me more, i never understood why she decided to love me, after all i did in my past, after all that i destroyed, deep within my soul i still rejoice the idea of her climbing on my arms again, crying her fears out... My love, why have you decided to leave this mortal plane, why did you leave me behind?"

The fresh black coil that bleeds from my crow feather dances with my falling tears. My head tells me to realize my mistake, a letter to a corpse, a letter that will be left to the elements on a graveyard, lost as my meaning of life.

-"But its not a simple shell, she was my only reason to exist, to keep my life in shape, she was my motivation, my life"

My voice trembles, i feel my body twitch once more, then, the realization of my fate is shown by the counting blades on the tall wooden clock, of my time passing, my days counting, to realize that the sun wont stop moving and the moon wont stop calling my name, time doesn't wait for you my friend.
My legs move again, after countless seconds pass in this house, the wax of the candle showing me my time left, i stand up, feeling my body resonate with pain and tension, i turn around to face the long dark hallway to the main door, i gather enough strength to move past these endless book shelves, millions and millions of sentences, all of them together to form my writings, useless pieces of dead wood, talking about why we suffer, philosophy is my doom, its something i dedicated my life to, and once again, it makes my life miserable.

If only i would have been mediocre this hallway would be shorter, making my steps less than a hundred. I walk past my work, past paintings worth an absurd amount of wealth, past my life, i contemplate of the idea of giving up once again, but i continue, as death never stops to hunt me, i wont stop either, it was a promise to a loved one, to continue my deep decent into old age.

When i finally get there, to the massive door of my manor, i see that old leather coat, hanging from the antler of a deer, long to the ankles and dark as the night, one of the only material things i care about, it brings memories of my father, only the ones where he wasn't so harsh to his only son, he was a good man, but he was consumed for the stress of the modern life, i don't blame him, the long corridors of life and death of a man in this world is intended to be painful. Now after all these years of studying the arcane sciences i realize it.
I grasp the handle tightly, once again feeling my body crumble on the heavy pressure of my own mind, i don't want to leave, i don't want to be seen like this, in my worst, in my last, in my final breaths, my eyes show clear despair, i wrap the heavy coat around my slim body, i look at myself in the mirror, a image of someone you think you know, but its too blurry to recall who, i pass my fingers through my messy hair, i touch my chin, and then my moustache, filled with dust, i turn around to face the door again, i look at the clock, and back and forth, creating an endless cicle of doom, where i contemplate the end, or the beginning, my despair turns into anger, and so i push the door, throwing myself to the hands of destiny.

My eyes are greeted with a sharp pain, the blinding light of the sun makes me flinch, and my pale skin is greeted with warmth, a nice feeling that lasts one simple second, the slight pleasure of the sun is interrupted by the loud chattering of the bystanders, the city opens its arms to me once again, the place i once wandered through, now welcoming me again, the odor of smoke coils into my nostrils and i fill my lungs with it, preparing myself for the long travel to the church.

I begin to move through the streets of a industrialized city, rats swarming the streets, those animals and so humans, going to their respective jobs in this missive gear, of the thousand there is, making this clock keep its dreadful ticking towards our death. I slip past the buildings, machines of steam fill this depressing space of a vibrant buzz, after what could be an eternity of walking past these infernal mazes of concrete and smoke, the forest opens to an oasis, the only place lightened by the warm sun, a gothic, tall and sharp church.
I walk straight into the plaza right in front of it, making my way through the cracked and dry pine trees, i see a multitude of people sleeping on the cold ground of the outsides of the church, these are the gears that have been broken, no jobs, no wealth, no future, the only ones who will never bow to the powers, as they have no powers themselves, i grab a pair of cents from my coat and hand it over a man, who looked at me without the hatred i see every day i walk past these buildings.

-"Bless you, Bless you young man"

I've been already blessed my brother, but it was taken from me by a virus that swarms these sewers, now i live without a blessing from god, if there even is one, for that matter, this suffering i now hold, could be explained by my lack of faith, by my transgression to the testament by studying the arcane sciences.
I leave the plaza behind as i enter the deep entrails of the church, the beauty of the architecture, the windows telling a sad story, the ceiling so far away from the ground, showing paintings, showing the clear intention of rebuilding the sky, rebuilding heaven. i sit in one of the long wooden benches and a pleasurable silence heals my eardrums from the chaos that was before, a soft chanting makes the place feel like a border between paradise and hell. I stare amazed by every single detail of the construction, and so i wait for that someone i had to meet, an old friend of mine that told me to wait here for his arrival.

(This is not a complete story but rather a first impression of the novel I'm writing, i post this to know if anyone is interested, this is my first writing, and so i would greatly appreciate any feedback, thank you for reading if you made it this far)