The Calico Cat’s Revenge

Darlene looked out the storefront window and was feeling a streak of anger vibrate through her. Maybe not anger, because that’s a strong word, but she was definitely perturbed, or miffed. Yes, those other shops down the street would pay for this untoward miffing.

For years, she had been the sole local proprietor to own a cafe specifically geared toward feline clientele. The newspaper likened her business as being a “cat cafe” though Darlene knew that wasn’t entirely accurate. Yes, cats could be brought here to socialize, and they had food available for purchase, but it wasn’t like food available in normal cafes. She didn’t sell anything like cupcakes for cats, like at Feline Kneads, or cattes, like down at Kitty Beans.

At least, that’s what the status quo had been. Looking down the street, she could see Mew Orleans, the latest cat-themed cafe and was nearly in awe at how many e-bikes were parked out front. The various pet carriers attached to the e-bikes told her they were most likely denizens of Mew Orleans and the many food varieties they offered within.

Pressing up against her leg all of a sudden was Binx, her calico and namesake for her store, The Calico Cat. Bending over to pick him up, Darlene felt some of the miffness bleed away… but then she saw Carol and her Scottish Fold, Tinkerbell, zooming past the store, heading even further down the street, past Mew Orleans. Darlene imagined the traitorous Carol was headed to Whisker’s Whiskers, that place run by a friggin’ culinary chef. Or even Mew Yolk City, the first local kitten/chicken establishment designed with urban farmers in mind.

She couldn’t take it anymore. This miff sitting inside her was toxic, she knew, and the only way she could be free was to do something about it. An idea had formed when the first competitor opened its doors, but Darlene hadn’t thought she could follow through with it. Looking around her empty business, she now understood that drastic times called for drastic measures.

Back when she had opened the store, she had learned a valuable lesson about catnip: it didn’t belong in her cafe. At least, the brand she had bought long ago led her to think as much. It was surprisingly potent and the cats seemingly lost control whenever they got ahold of it. To this day, even Binx would find his way into the locked away batch somehow and develop a terrible case of the zoomie-hisses.

Times were becoming desperate, though, and Darlene knew what she had to do. Having already sorted the catnip into small slotted pouches. She attached those pouches to some small To Go baskets, in which she placed some cat treats in the shape of Jesus fishes. She wasn’t a religious person, but they were incredibly cheap online, which is why she had so many of them. Binx really liked them, so she assumed other cats would, too.

At the door, she turned the welcome sign around and then exited, locking the door behind her. As she walked up the street, jazz music wafted through the cool afternoon air. She wasn’t sure if it was coming from Mew Orleans or the new dance studio, Cat Dancy, further up the street. She suppressed a shiver and moved to the first cat cafe.

Inside, she was greeted warmly by a woman claiming to be the owner. Darlene didn’t bother remembering her name. She simply looked around at the interior. It was themed like the French Quarter and she almost rolled her eyes, but caught herself. The humans were sitting at small bistro tables with their cats sitting on the tables when she first walked in, but as talked warmly with the owner, the other cats were beginning to approach Darlene.

As she set the basket on the main countertop, she dolled out a practiced welcome speech and made a beeline for the door. Cats were already clamoring at the basket as the door’s tiny bell pinged and the owner began doling out treats. Darlene knew they just had to be near the stuff for a few seconds before the cats became unruly. Her shattered Planet of the Apes commemorative plate collection was testament to that fact.

Continuing down the street, Darlene stopped at each cat cafe, as well as the kitten/chicken place, and the cat/dog place, Pawesome Pets. She decided not to terrorize the cat chiropractor, though. The guy running Nine Spine Lives was genuinely nice, and she knew she might need to bring Binx there before long.

On her way back down the street, she couldn’t help but smile at the mayhem that had suddenly been unleashed in all the cat cafes. She heard nervous giggles and laughter, she saw through the storefronts cats batting at their owners, or even multiple humans. The constant meowing and screeching was unexpected, but Darlene knew some cats reacted differently to catnip.

Upon entering The Calico Cat, she felt a small pit form in her stomach. Before she left, she had forgotten to close the box she normally kept the potent catnip inside. The box was currently on its side, having been pushed off the counter. Inside her store, Binx was zooming around, making strange noises. After cleaning up the catnip, Darlene decided to put out fresh water and leave the store for the rest of the afternoon, giving Binx some time to come down from his rush.

She could still hear a collective ruckus coming from all the other stores, and Darlene ultimately thought it was worth it to have Binx go through this one more time if it meant her business might be saved in the long run. A woman screamed as something glass crashed inside Mew Orleans, and a dog whimper was heard escaping Pawesome Pets.

Word Count: 966