Plagued Loyalty

Plagued Loyalty

They say loyal people take things more personally,
that they know in their heart they never would’ve done the same to you
I believe I do take things more personally
Because I do not have the capacity in my beating heart
To hurt you in the same way you have me
On my worst day
ribs open on the floor
watching the ceiling fan spin
        around and
                around and
                           around
with unblinking eyes
I have never fathomed spitting acid
in yours
So I have never understood why on your best day
I need a laboratory
equipped with a shelter, and a shower
although I have never truly been inside
Plagued with the delusion
that you could not harm me
even after I’ve watched sickness spill from your tongue
and burn scars on my skin
Bandaged again and
                        again and
                                  again
Dressed with an ointment of delusion
disinfecting my exasperation
and scabbing over my suspicion
I will cough out blood from my wheezing throat
only for you to scoop it up
and feed it back to me in the form of falsehood
infected with deceit
So rapidly my body does not have time to form it's skin
back over my wounds
I will never become a different person
A healed person
If your virus is only cycled through me
Time after
         time after
                   time