Faith and Falsehoods: Chapters 1-9

Capital City, Former Vatican City, and Italy
December 13th, 2005 7:30 pm

“I know I probably should’ve started with this. This is how I found out the truth.”


I had woken up hours ago. Sleep wasn’t possible last night. I mean how would it be, with what was about to happen…
“Jaxon! Hurry up, we’re going to be late!”
I hurried down the stairs and my mom smiled at me.
“You look great. This is an important interview and you want Mr. Cronan to be impressed, right?”
“Yes, Mom.” I groaned as she kissed my forehead. “Hey, stop it! I’m not a little kid anymore.”
She kept kissing my forehead despite my protests. I wiped her kisses off and she gave me that look that all moms have.
“Don’t wipe my kisses off, young man.”
She placed a hand on my cheek and smiled sweetly. “I’m so proud of you. I can’t believe you’re already sixteen…”
My dad walked in and gave me a stern look. “Let’s not waste time, we don’t want to be late, Mr. Cronan doesn’t like it when people are late.”
Mr. Cronan, a supposed friend of my parents; he always came over to the house to talk to my parents. I was never supposed to leave my room when he was there. That didn’t stop me from peeking through the large keyhole in my door. Mr. Cronan was a pale man with brown, almost blonde hair. He was balding, so I was pretty sure his hair was just lighter from old age. His eyes were blue, he had these old rectangle wire-rimmed glasses. He always wore some form of suit, most often a pinstriped two-piece suit and black tie. When my parents found out I had been spying on their meetings they were furious and made sure there was always a key in the keyhole to block my sight.
It always was when Mr. Cronan came over. Even now when Mr. Cronan was over the door was locked. The idea of meeting this man I had known about for years, but had yet to be allowed to meet was nerve wracking. I took a breath to calm myself. My dad kissed my mom on the cheek and we headed out the door. The streets were busy as usual, but as we got closer to the gate the amount of people lessened.
We rounded a few corners and the cobblestone made an uneven pathway. Kids jumped over larger cracks and played hopscotch on the more uniform stones. We kept walking closer to the gate and I started to drag my feet. My dad must have noticed me because he said, “If you ruin a pair of good shoes, you'll be paying for them out of your allowance, and grumbling behind my back won't get you anywhere."
I returned to a normal pace and we reached the gate. There was a huge wall around the city, built to protect from radiation and possible future conflict. There was one gate to leave, The gate was large and metal, one of the only things in the city that was. Two guards stood on either side of the exit and waited for us to approach. Both my parents showed their IDs and were allowed to pass. When I followed my parents through the gate, a guard grabbed my shoulder. "Hey!" I yelled.
My mom looked back, "He's with us," she said, in an authoritative tone.

The guards hesitated for a moment before letting me pass. I looked around and saw ruins everywhere. The dirtiness outside was vastly different from the clean perfection inside the city. I had heard about ‘terrorists’ that had left the cities and worked to try to destroy the peace the government had created after so many years of war. This was such an important meeting for me, I wanted to help protect people and stop another war from happening. My parents had told me only to an extent what it was about.
Mr. Cronan was an old man and needed an advisor. He could choose someone who was already in his employ, but I had overheard my parents talking about it. He wanted a person to continue his legacy. He had never married and didn’t have kids of his own, so he was running these interviews until he found the perfect person for the job. My thoughts were interrupted as a man in a pale blue uniform approached me, holding a blindfold.
“Mr. Jaxon, hold still while I blindfold you.”
I stepped back from the man, scared of what he might do to me. I only took one step when the man grabbed my arm tightly. The guard, who looked like he'd be more at home in solitary confinement on Rikers Island, jerked back in surprise at my mother's imperious command,'
“Let him go.”
Her voice was cold and unlike anything I had ever heard from her. I felt the hand move off my arm as I tried to read my mom’s expression. The guard looked terrified as my mom approached him. I was confused, my mom was barely up to the man’s shoulder but he looked at her like she was holding a gun to his head.
“Did I say you can touch my son?”
“N-no, ma'am.”
“I didn’t think so.” She turned to me and her face was weirdly calm. “Don’t be scared. The blindfolds are a safety protocol, no one will hurt you. I promise you’re safe.”

“Safe… That word, from the person I loved the most…”

I allowed the man to blindfold me and felt a hand grip my arm. I heard a car door open and was sat down inside. The car started and all I could do was sit there, trying to figure out what was happening. Just when I started getting lost in my thoughts the car came to a sudden stop. The car door opened and I was pulled out. Someone removed the blindfold and I found myself in a garage. Or what looked more like a cement box with a white, fold-up, garage door. I followed the man, my parents next to me on either side. We reached a door and my dad stepped forward.
“Richard and Maria Williams, our son is with us. He does not know.”
The door opened and I followed my dad. The room looked like a prison and I saw people in cells. The walls were gray cement and most rooms didn’t have proper doors and were just rusted metal bars, on hinges. My mom explained that they were terrorists and were arrested for their crimes against the government. I just nodded looking around but my agreement quickly turned to horror when I noticed a little girl hiding behind a boy, who looked maybe a few years older than me, at the time.
My eyes locked on the scared girl and I walked toward her. I went over to look at the girl, thinking I was seeing things. I got a bit too close to the girl and a hand grabbed the collar pulling my face right into the bars of the cell. The boy stood right behind the bars of his cell glaring at me, hand gripping my collar. My head throbbed and I felt a sharp pain in my nose. Tears stung my eyes as I tried to push myself away from him.
“Stay away from my sister, you monster!”
I stared at him in shock, blood dripping from my nose. I didn’t process what had happened when the guards hurried over, opening the cell and grabbing the boy by his arms. I stared in horror as they shoved the boy to the ground and started kicking him. I felt so helpless but remembered what my mom had done earlier. All it took for her was one look for the guard to let me go, maybe I had some power over them since I was her kid. I took a deep breath and it took all the strength I could muster to get one word out.
“Stop.”
The guards froze and looked at me, eyes locked on me like a fly buzzing around the room.
“What?” The guard said, sounding almost offended.
I kept my eyes down but managed to speak. “Stop hurting him.”
The guard looked like he wanted to protest but just stormed off, locking the cell again, leaving the boy still battered on the ground. I walked toward the cell and reached out to the boy but he hit my hand away, his voice was harsh.
“I don’t need your pity.”
“It’s called kindness.”
“People like you aren’t capable of kindness.”
“People like me?”
“Yeah, monsters.”
The remark took me off guard, but I didn’t answer and went to catch up with my parents. My vision doubled for a few seconds before returning to normal, only to double again a second later. Blood was the only thing I could smell, at this point I could also taste it. My dad looked at me, furious. My mom was disturbed by my blood and my mom hurried over grabbing either side of my face to make sure I was okay.
“Sweetie? What happened? Are you okay?”
“I’m fine Mom.”
“Your head!”
She looked at my head, trying to see if there was anything wrong with me.
“Are you seeing double? Do you feel faint-”
“I think I’m fine, I didn’t hit my head that hard.”
“We can cancel the meeting, I’m sure Mr. Cronan would understand—”
“Mom I—”
“Don’t. As long as you don’t feel dizzy, I think you should be fine.” she sighed, “just… clean up the blood, alright?” She pointed to a bathroom sign.
I went into the bathroom and wet a paper towel trying to wipe the blood off my face. My head throbbed and was tender to touch. I walked into the room my mom went into. In the room were four people I didn’t know, along with my parents and Mr. Cronan; he was in his trademark pinstripe suit watching me with disdain. I looked away, not wanting to make eye contact. I quickly sat down and Mr. Croman grinned at me, the only one with any expression.
“Mr. Jaxon, correct?”
“Yes sir.”
“You’re Richard’s son, is that correct?”
“Yes sir.”
“You seem a lot more like your mother. More quiet, but you have potential.”
“Potential?”
“Did your parents not tell you what this was about?”
“No, sir.”
I looked around the room, hoping the silence might give me an answer. No one looked away, but no one answered. Mr. Cronan seemed amused at my confusion.
“You didn’t think this was just some normal political meeting, did you? I suppose a brief history lesson will be needed.”
He sighed as if talking to me was nothing more than an inconvenience. “Do you know what led to World War lll?”
“Yes?”
“Do you now? Then tell me.”
“The Soviet Union-”
He held up a hand. “Not quite. The war was instigated by our organization. Society was horrible and needed to be destroyed. People were cruel and would kill each other for foolish and petty reasons. It was a necessary evil. Yes, there were far more casualties than intended; since then the largest conflicts are always… snuffed out before they escalate.”
I stared at him, in stunned silence. Everything I had been told was a lie. Everything. Everyone was watching me. I try to get out a full thought.
“Millions— No, billions of people…”
To my horror, Mr. Cronan nods and responds as if it was nothing out of the ordinary.
“Yes, it was for the greater good. Society was headed in a horrible direction. If there was no intervention more people would be born into a world only to die horrific deaths. Most of the deaths were instant. We gave the people mercy and protected those who remained. Do you understand now?”
“Mhm…” I had nothing to say. What could you say to that? There was a dreadful silence until my mom stood up.
“Let’s allow Jaxon to think about this for a few days. Even if he agrees with our cause, the paradigm shift can be shocking to most people.”
My breathing quickened and I closed my eyes hoping to calm my breath. My head started spinning, I stood up trying to steady myself on the table but still knocked my chair over. My mom hurried over, holding me up. She turned to Mr. Cronan.
“I’m sorry Mr. Cronan, he was hurt on the way here. It must be the blood loss, I’ll bring him home, we can talk in your office once he’s feeling better”
“That’s quite alright, Ms. Williams. Blood loss is very serious.”
She grabbed me by the arm, dragging me into the garage area and the car. My feet were dragging as I tried to keep up with her quick pace. Her look became cold the moment we were in the car and I heard her snap her fingers in front of my face a few times.
“Jaxon!”
After a few more snaps and her shaking my shoulder, I responded.
“Huh?”
“Thank god. Did you hit your head? Do we need to get you to a hospital!?”
“No, I…” I hesitated. “Did you know?”
“I wanted you to have a childhood… I did, I never wanted to tell you, but your dad—”
“Don’t blame dad for this.”
“I’m not, I shouldn’t have lied to you, but how could I tell you the truth? You have to understand how hard it was. I do care about you, I swear I do.”
“You agree with what they did?”
“I mean-”
“Mom! Billions of people were killed! You— You can’t justify that!”
“You don’t know what it was like—”
“And you do!”
“I know more of what happened than you! We may have spread some rumors but—”
“But nothing! Innocent people died because of what you did and you… You made it seem like you were the heroes.” My voice cracked, but my mom continued.
“When we get home you are going to your room. Are we clear?”
I try to make eye contact, “But—”
She held her hand up to silence me, her face cold like it was with the guard. “Are. We. Clear?”
My voice was barely over a mumble as I fidgeted with my hands. “Yes.”
“Good.” She looked away pinching her nose.
The rest of the ride was dead silent. My mom would glance at her watch every so often until we got to the gate. I stole a glance at the front seat, where I had assumed my dad was sitting, but he wasn’t there. Me and my mom both stepped out.
“Where’s dad?”
“Apologizing to Mr. Cronan for what happened.”
I looked at my feet and we walked home. Once home I head to my room, hear the lock click, and try to open the door. It was locked. I sat on the floor. My hands balled into fists and I slammed my fist in the door.
“Shit!” I regret it as I clutch my hand in pain.

I cursed as I backed up, looking at my hand. There was no immediate bruising, but it hurt like hell. That was going to leave a mark. I looked around the room, All the posters and all of the memories around the room felt off. Everything felt wrong.





Capital City, Former Vatican City, and Italy
December 17th, 2005 3:30 pm

I stared up at my ceiling, the soft light shone through my window, casting a shadow over half my face as I watched the glow-in-the-dark stars on my ceiling. They were the one of the only personal things left in my room, mainly because they were the only thing I couldn’t reach. Most posters were torn off the wall and stuffed into the trash, all family photos torn up, or burned on the ground around me. Even things I loved, like old drawings, torn to shreds, a snow globe my mom gave me for my tenth birthday, now shattered on the ground. The whole room was a mess now, every memory, every happy moment. Destroyed.
The only thing in reach that I couldn’t bring myself to destroy was something I had had my whole life. A small black plush bear I held close to my chest.
Even if I didn’t think I deserved such a comfort item, I couldn’t bring myself to destroy it. I had tried, but couldn’t do it. The one word kept repeating in my mind.
“Monster.”
“Monster.”
“Monster.”
The boy was right, even if I had nothing to do with the initial war, I had wanted to support it my whole life. I never questioned anything. I was so lucky and had no idea. I thought everyone had it this good, as far as I saw they did. I didn’t deserve any of this. I was so stupid thinking that the world was perfect. Of course, it wasn’t. Of course, I shouldn’t have trusted it. I slammed my head into my headboard, instantly regretting the decision as sharp pain shot through my head. Warm blood dripped down my forehead as my head throbbed, and I clutched my head; blood stained my hands making them sticky and wet.
I fell into my pillow, soaking the side of it with my blood and I opened my eyes a few seconds later, only to close them again from the pain. Eventually, the pain dulled to a slight throbbing, I stayed laying face first on my bed, blood slowly drying up, leaving a sticky layer over my face and hands. I turned over, moving my hands off my face; slightly pulling my skin as the blood tried to stick my hands to my forehead. I sat up and walked over the minefield of broken glass on my floor, as I made my way to the bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror and inspected the wound now on my forehead; it was a small cut on the left corner of my forehead and for the most part it had stopped bleeding. That didn’t stop it from leaving blood down most of the left side of my face and hands.
I grabbed a washcloth and dabbed the blood off my face before I washed my hands. I looked down at the bathroom counter and saw one of my dad’s razors. The razor was an old straight-switchblade razor with a wooden handle. Looking at it, I thought about how easy it would be. All I had to do was pick up the sharp blade and find the blood vessel on my wrist, or maybe I could slit my throat to be sure it worked. I picked up the blade, staring down at it. A part of me thought about what my parents would think if I just killed myself in the bathroom and they found my body when they got back from work.
Another part reminded me that they lied about everything, so they probably also lied about loving me. That was the part of me that had made me tear up our family photos and smash my snow globe. I looked down at the blade in my hand; I could just do it. I didn’t deserve this, I didn’t deserve to feel safe, not now. Not knowing, how could I feel safe? I hadn’t realized I was already pressing the blade into my wrist. My eyes darted around the bathroom before locking on my wrist. I held my wrist over the sink gazing at the blood dripping into the cold ceramic.
“I’m sorry-”
I press the blade deeper into my wrist, cutting the skin slowly. I heard the door open abruptly.
“Hey Jax you left your bag at school-”
The person froze when they saw me. I turned towards them still holding the knife and saw it was my friend from school, Luke, what was he doing here? Luke stared at my wrist and the blade in my hand and reached out to me.
“Jax… put it down. Please just put it down, don’t do this. Don’t do this.”
He sounded so desperate. I tried to back away from him, only to be stopped by the bathroom sink. Blood kept dripping from my wrist as Luke took a step towards me, my bag falling from his hands. He wrapped his arms around me tightly.
“Please, please… I can’t lose you, please. Don’t do this, whatever it is, it can’t be worth it. ”
“Get off me!”
“Jax please-”
“No!”
He hugged me tighter, and I shoved him off, making him hit the wall.
“I don’t understand what happened but-”
“Of course you don’t understand!”
“Do not yell at me! I’m only trying to help-”
“By lying to me! I thought friends didn’t lie to each other! I thought we told each other everything!”
Luke paused, staring at me like a deer in headlights. I shouted.
“Yeah! Did you know what they did too?”
“Jax please-”
“Stop saying that and answer me!”
Luke stepped towards me and wrapped his arm around me, not letting me push him this time. “I’m sorry, I didn’t want to hurt you. I care about you so much Jaxon and…” He trailed off. “I couldn’t bring myself to be the one to tell you, I’m so sorry Jax, please forgive me.
My arms fell limp at my side, the blade hitting the ground clattering, blood flowing down my hand and pooling up at my fingertips before blood drops fall to the tile, staining more of the bathroom red. I stood there in shocked silence, I couldn’t do this, what was I about to do? I wrapped my arms around Luke. I held onto him, I was scared if he left I would try again. Tears started streaming down my face, blurring my vision.
“It’s okay, it’s going to be okay. You’re going to be okay.”
I rested my head on his shoulders wanting to stay in this moment forever.
“Thank you… Thank you.”
“I’ll always be here for you, I promise. No matter what happened, you can talk to me.”
The tears didn’t stop and Luke didn’t pull away. He held me close, rubbing my back with one hand and the other held the back of my head. His embrace was safe, truly safe. That didn’t stop the pain I felt, but it was comforting. I held onto him, he was safe. I still felt the heat from my wrist and Luke pulled away. He looked at my wrist and turned on the sink; running my cut under cold water he was careful not to make it worse.
“We’re going to go to my house alright? My mom is a nurse, I’m sure she can help. I’ll do what I can, I won’t lose you.”
Luke then rummaged through the medicine cabinet until he found some skin-safe superglue. He held my hand gently.
“This is going to burn. Okay?”
I nod and clench my teeth bracing for it. The superglue hits my skin and I have to bite down on my shirt so I don’t cry out. Luke blew on the superglue to cool it down and wrapped my arm up.
“It’s over… You did good.”
He stroked my face trying to keep me calm, he brushed the tears off my face. He wet a towel and wiped the blood off my hand and forehead.
“It’s okay. Everything will be okay.”
I nod as he takes my hand and picks up my bear handing it to me.
“It might help.”
I held the bear, my nails dug into the fur as Luke led me out of my house and down the street. Everything felt wrong right now, the laughing, the kids playing hopscotch. Me.
Luke rounded the corner with me in tow, every few seconds he would comfort me to avoid giving me time to dwell on any of my current thoughts. Each time he spoke I felt myself listening, not to his words, but just to the sound of him. His voice was so sweet and it almost made everything better for a moment. Each time he spoke a calming word I felt my thoughts quiet, now all I could think about was him. His messy black hair that he refused to cut so he had to keep half of it up, those deep brown almost black eyes; that seemed to hold the whole world in them, and his soft hand that held mine tightly.
My train of thought was interrupted as we reached his house and he led me up the stairs.
“I’ve got you, Jax, no one will hurt you, I promise.”
His mom came in from her office and stared at the two of us.
“Hey, Jaxon. Luke, you didn’t tell you you were having friends over-”
“Mom-”
“I’m just saying it would be nice to be prepared next time, the house is a mess-”
“Mom! He needs help.”
His mom went silent for a second before hurrying to my side to check for injuries. Her eyes landed on my wrist and it didn’t take long for her to put two and two together. She hugged me, arm tightly around my shoulders.
“You poor boy, wh-why did you try to-”
She couldn’t finish her question, and I didn’t know how to answer. I just stood there, wrapped in her embrace until she pulled back and looked into my eyes.
“I’ve seen that look so many times, do not blame yourself. You’re just as much a victim as the rest. It’s going to be okay. You’re a good kid.”
“How do you-”
“A few of us around the city know, that doesn’t mean we can just leave. We want to; sure, but we can’t. Look at me, Jax.”
I meet her eyes, a much lighter shade of brown than Luke’s.
“It is not, nor will ever be your fault. Please promise me this, don’t do something like this again, you’re a good person, and this world can’t afford to lose another person like you.”
She calmly sat me down in the dining room and Luke held my good hand as his mom disinfected and wrapped the wound properly, the disinfectant burned as I squeezed Luke’s hand tightly. Luke gave a gentle squeeze back
“Deep breaths.”
Once my wound was dressed Luke’s mom turned to me.
“You are one of the few people I’ll say this to. You need to get out of here. With who your parents are, if they knew how you truly felt about this, you could be put in a lot of danger. I know it sounds harsh but you need to leave.”
I stared at her for a few seconds. “I don’t want to stay, I don’t think I can stay.”
She nodded and placed a hand over mine. “You don’t have to go now, you can stay with us until you’re sure you can trust yourself to be alone. I don’t want you to get hurt, alright?”
“I understand.”
“Please don’t feel bad about this okay, and if you can’t get out, you can always stay with us. You’re welcome here Jax, in these walls you’re safe. I swear it.”
“Thank you, you have no idea what it means to me.”
“I’m just doing what I wish was done for me.”
“Thank you.”
That night I stayed at Luke’s house, sleeping on the floor; about halfway through the night, I was just lying awake staring at the blank ceiling. Luke turned over and got off the bed.
“Want to sleep on a bed?”
“Where would you sleep?”
“On the bed, it’s big enough for two.”
“If you’re okay with it-”
“Um, alright.”
I stood up and laid on the bed trying not to take up more space than needed. That didn’t stop Luke from ending up half on top of me as I still laid awake in his bed. I heard him mumbling in his sleep as I tried to fall asleep. I knew I could only have this for so long, but it was nice to have it at all.





Capital City, Former Vatican city and Italy
July 4th, 2008 1:00 pm


“Jax has been asking about this for a while. At first, I had agreed to what Capital City was saying, but I only knew a half story… Hello, I’m Vi.”

I had been sitting in the meeting room most of the morning, the hot air making it even harder to sit quietly in the stifling air. My breaths were short but quiet. Mr. Cronan was also quiet. Everything was like the world had just… stopped around up. No one moved, I wasn’t even sure if half of the older men were still breathing. My eyes darted around to each person sitting, all looked like clones gone wrong. I mean tiny details like eye color or hair were different but all could easily be mistaken for each other. The same uniform, the same empty gaze, the same posture. It was uncanny sitting in a room of people like that.
I wasn’t the only outlier though, two others sat as they talked to each other in hushed voices. Every so often I would catch a word or two, but never anything that made sense to me. I listened closely, keeping my eyes forward so they wouldn’t notice my eavesdropping. They were two of the most active speakers during these meetings and the only two, other than Mr. Cronan that I could recognize by voice. The room was also familiar at this point.
The large window covered the entire wall behind where Mr. Cronan sat. The entire city sprawled behind him, buildings built to perfection, people little specks on the map, to be treated as such. Then the wall, where there should have been a horizon, was a giant wall. It loomed over the city, later in the day the shadow could almost cover half of the city, but now, it was barely there. Just reaching out to shade the guards from the harsh sun. The sun glinted into my eyes whenever I looked that way, still, Mr. Cronan found it disrespectful to look away when he was speaking.
He was the only one who didn’t have to look at the sun during these meetings, his back facing the window when he spoke. The room had been modified to have this window, a once glorious site was now nothing more than a way to look upon the perfect utopia created in the name of righteousness. Ironic how that works. This time it was different. This time it was true. Wars were created and called holy, people fighting over who worshiped the right God. There was no need for any of it. For the first time in millennia, there was peace.
Well, that’s what they told us. That we were safe, that there was nothing to worry about, white lies. Of course, they couldn’t tell everyone everything. The only problem was that everyone knew a different story. I didn’t know who had told the first story or who spun the first lie, all I knew was I may have been trusted, but I was lied to. Each page of history was a lie, even the one I had found. I had no idea what was true or even if anything I knew had truth to it. My trail of thought was interrupted when a booming voice echoed through the room.
Mr. Cronan had arrived and he wanted our attention. I looked towards where I had heard his voice and he waited for silence to fall completely. He turned to the two people I had recognized but never learned their names.
“Richard, Maria, quiet down.”
Both fell quiet, first names. It was a security thing, that didn’t exactly work too well when you didn’t have a common name. I wasn’t entirely sure how my name had gotten past the system, it was a liability, but when many people had the same name as you, no one could identify you by first name alone. This prevented rumors from spreading and hurting the initiative.
“I think we all know why we’re here. The rebels have been planning to stage a jailbreak, the prison between here and the Yugoslavia border.”
“Border?” I asked suddenly not realizing I had spoken out loud.
“Viola… what did we say about interrupting?” Mr. Cronan said in a harsh tone.
“I’m sorry sir.”
“You should be. Sit quietly, I was still speaking.”
I nodded, going quiet. I clenched my fist but knew better than to act out. Maria’s voice cuts through the silence. “Mr. Cronan sir, she is just a child. Remember what happened last time you were too harsh for one of these meetings? I lost my son because of you, I will not allow you to make that same mistake again.”
“Sit down, Maria.”
She ignored him and turned to me. “Viola, the border is one over five here. Capital City is not the only city. It’s not even the biggest one we have. Sixty-four cities are around the world in total, this is one of the smallest ones. It is also one of the most important cities we have.”
I just listened to what she was saying.
“I think we should show her, not just the border but the other cities.”
Mr. Cronan slammed his hands on the table and glared right at me as he stood up. “And how did the last border meeting go?”
Maria said “I’m well aware of how that went. What happened was a mistake on all fronts. Vi is different. She knows more…”
“That may be true but she is still young.”
I just sat there once again. It was like I wasn’t even in the room, the two talking about me like I wasn’t sitting right across from them. Maria seemed to be getting emotional and Mr. Cronan finally sat back down with a sigh. “Fine, we’ll show her. She is the best candidate and seems far more stable than your son was.” He paused before he said “I am sorry for what happened to your son, what happened was never my intention. You know this.”
“I do, but that doesn’t change the fact that he died because of you.”
There was an awkward silence, everyone finding a sudden interest in the stain flaking off the table, or the paintings on the wall. No one wanted to speak after that, there wasn’t really anything you could say after that. I didn’t even realize Maria had a son, she never talked about him. Richard placed a hand on Maria’s shoulder and she sat down. Mr. Cronan also sat back down and the whole room just looked away from him.
Richard broke the silence, “Sir, you need someone to continue your legacy. If you want that you have to tell her everything.”
“Do NOT tell me how to do my job!”
Richard looks down as Mr. Cronan walks up to him. “Stand up… Now.”
Richard stands up and Mr. Cronan grabs him by the collar. “What did I tell you about telling me how to do my job?”
“Not to-”
“Good, so do tell… Why did you tell me what to do?”
“I didn’t-”
“Now you’re lying, not a good look for you Richard, maybe you’re just as pathetic as your son was…”
“You do not get to talk about my son that way-”
Before another word is spoken the sound of skin hitting skin was heard through-out the room and those who were looking away turn to find the source of the noise. Richard was on the ground, holding his cheek as he stared up at Mr. Cronan who towers over him. “You forget yourself Richie…”
The way he said Richard’s name was demeaning as he leaned over and grabbed him by the neck. “I don’t like repeating myself but I’ll make an exception. You may be important to the cause but you don’t mean anything to me. You are below me, you do NOT get to tell me what I can and can’t do.”
I stare in horror as he lifts Richard by his neck, leading the man to desperately try to pry Mr. Cronan’s fingers away from his windpipe. “Let… me… go.” He breathed out, starting to turn pale.
“Do you understand your mistake, Richie?” He tightened his grip even further making Richard gasp for air, he opened his mouth to speak but only gasps of air escaped his lips.
“Do you understand your mistake?”
Richard nodded a tiny gasp escaping his lips before Mr. Cronan let go and Richard fell to the ground coughing violently and I rushed to his side. I turned to Mr. Cronan. “That was unnecessary. We understand you’re powerful, but what you just did shows you clearly aren’t confident in your power if you hurt someone close to you over something so small.”
“Vi stop.” Maria said as Mr. Cronan towered over me and pulled his hand back. I met his eyes.
“At least pretend you aren’t some evil psychopath, none of us care who you are outside this room. You caused a genocide and we all know that, but when you hurt us. When you hurt those who have done you no wrong it makes it seem like you killed everyone for no reason too.”
“Watch your mouth.”
“Or what? You’ll hit me too?”






Capital City, Former Vatican City, and Italy
December 21st, 2005 9:45 pm

“I really wish I didn’t wait as long as I did to do this...”

I had stayed a few days at Luke’s house, but I knew I couldn’t expect my parents not to bring the situation up again. I needed to leave. I thought about who I would miss and Luke was the only one I could think of. I woke Luke up late and looked at him.
“I’m leaving now, I’ll miss you.”
“Good luck… just… I- Stay safe out there, okay.”
“I will.”
“I promise you this, I’ll meet up with you. No matter what.”
I hugged Luke with all my strength, I couldn’t fully believe that, but it made the goodbye hurt less.
“Goodbye, Luke.”
“Bye Jax.”
I headed to his mom’s room, she was still awake in her office. She nodded and stood up and handed me a small map and a GPS; it was an older model, on it was a small yellow dot, pulsing and I looked at the device confused.
“It’s a safe place, other people who left other cities will be there too. It’s not the luxury you see here, but it’s a safe house. Once you reach the location, look for something that looks like a sewer grate and open it. Close it once you get inside.”
“I- Thank you. For everything, I hope I can repay you one day.”
“You don’t need to repay us, just keep yourself alive.”
“I’ll do my best.”
“Good luck Jax, this is just the beginning.”
With that I headed into my house, thankful my parents didn’t lock the front door. I snuck up the stairs, barely even breathing; scared that would be enough to alert my parents that I was home. Well, if you could call it that. If they knew I was back, discussing everything would be inevitable. The stairs creaked with each step making my heart race. Even so, I tried not to breathe heavily, I got to my room and breathed a sigh of relief. I didn’t have time to relax, I had to hurry. The longer I was here, the more likely I was to get caught.
I packed a change of clothes, a pocket knife, and a sleeping bag. I then made my way to the kitchen and into the pantry. I packed as many granola bars and snack bags as I could fit in the bag and zipped it up. The sounds each bag made as I put it in my bag made me look over my shoulder thinking someone heard me. I grabbed a plastic water bottle from the cupboard and filled it up from the sink. Each sound made sounded a thousand times louder than it would on a normal day. I was thankful for the carabiner already attached to the bag. I hooked the water bottle on, my breathing heavy and eyes darting around the house. Either my parents were dead asleep or weren’t home, and I wasn’t sticking around long enough to find out.
I stopped before I left and went up to my room grabbing the center piece from my snowglobe. I held it but threw it to the ground. I picked up a small scrapbook and held it close to my chest. Me and Luke had been working on it for years, so it was the one thing that felt right to take.
I quietly edged out the door of my house and onto the busy city streets. It was late, but not too late to the point where I was breaking curfew. Other people walked past me as the cold air filled my lungs, burning a little with each breath I took. The unmistakable smell of smoke was apparent throughout the city as I walked. No one paid attention, so they didn’t notice the slight smell of smoke in the air. The ruins outside the city were where I was headed and I had to get there fast. No one asked questions, no one ever did. To them this was normal, no one knew there was another option. The noise of the city was quiet in the background. Then the clear sound of footsteps following echoed close behind me. They couldn’t catch me inside the city. I had to get out, even if it meant leaving behind everything I thought I knew.
The numbness crept up on me as I rubbed my hands together to keep them warm. I kept my eyes forward using the street lights to see. Adults walked by, heading home. I quickly checked my watch before pulling my sleeve over it, so my wrist wasn’t exposed to the cold.
“Nine forty-five,” I whispered to myself. “Forty-five minutes before curfew.”
I clenched my fist as I realized how many lies I had been told, so many lies I still wanted to believe. As I got closer to the gates fewer and fewer people were there, but I still heard footsteps following behind me. To my worst fear, a radio clicked and a gruff voice said,
“I got a kid here. They’re getting dangerously close to the gates. I’m keeping an eye on him, but close the gates just in case.”
I heard radio static and a voice speak. “Got it, blocking the gates. Keep a close watch.”
I knew I was being followed, and fear washed over me. It was best just to run. I took a deep breath and readied myself to run as soon as I rounded the corner. As I passed the restaurant on the last corner, I smelled the food inside, garlic and tomato filling my nose. If you didn't know any better this place would feel safe. I closed my eyes for a second before breaking into a dead sprint trying to make it out the gate before it closed. The city's lights were bright, though they were dimming for curfew. If I was there after lights out, there was no way I was getting out of here. I was being followed but knew better than to look back. My legs burned from the running, but I pushed myself to make it out before getting trapped and dragged back home. I tried to ignore the burning in my legs. As I breathed heavily, I saw each short breath leave my mouth.
“Almost there… I’m so close.”
It was too late to head back now, I needed answers. Answers that I wasn’t going to be given here.
“Kid get back here! You’re getting too close to the gates! Stop running or I will arrest you!”
His voice sounded so close behind me as I ran as fast as the burning in my lungs and legs would let me. The gate came into view as I rounded one more corner and saw two guards.
“Crap…”
“Grab him!” The guard following me yelled.
His footsteps approached as I pushed myself to my limit and escaped out the gate. As I run out, I see the two guards aim their guns and start opening fire on me. I felt one bullet hit me. It grazed my upper arm, tearing through my winter jacket and skin. The pain was unbearable. I kept trying to run but collapsed to the ground from the pain. I hit the cobblestone street letting out another cry of pain. I heard the guards speaking.
“Leave him, I heard him scream. We hit him at least once, we’ll look for his body in the morning. No one could survive out there on a night like this.”
My blood was warm on my arm and soaked through my jacket and shirt. My legs were still burning and my breaths were too short to calm me down. I closed my eyes, trying to slow down so I didn’t make any rash decisions. Ok, I knew where I was headed. That was a good start, I saw the map so I might be able to find it. I stood up, my legs still burning and my arm stung from the bullet wound, skin exposed to the cold. Stumbling, I focused on not passing out and moving forward, no matter how slow. I looked around in awe. The crumbled and broken buildings outside were so different from the clean look of the city. Marble and cobblestone covered the ground in shatters. Some buildings were still standing, mostly intact, others were just piles of rubble. It was hard to see without the streetlights of the city. Even so, my eyes could make out enough to see the outlines of the buildings and ruins.
My legs burned, but I couldn’t tell if it was from running or the cold. I crossed a bridge and knew that I was close. Using the railing to hold myself up, I got across and after a bit, I thought it was safe to use my flashlight. I pulled it out and shone it across the empty streets, looking for one building. The Pantheon; an old Roman Church and one of the only buildings we learned about outside of the main cities. I shone my flashlight and saw it a little in the dark. Ok, now to find a way in. With each step, my legs burned more and more. I traced my hand along the concrete until I felt the solid bronze door I was looking for. The door was cold to the touch even through my thick gloves. I pressed my good shoulder to the door and pushed, making the doors open surprisingly easily.

The building was warmer than outside as I silently closed the door behind me. I looked up at the giant hole in the ceiling and could see stars through it. I had made it, I did it. Even if I was safe, I needed to patch up my arm and rest. I sat on the ground and took off my jacket to look at my arm.

“No, I didn’t go to the… There was no doctor!” “Are you-” “I’m fine now.”






Capital City, Former Vatican City, and Italy
September 3rd, 2006 1:30 pm

“Hello, my name is Vi. I know this is Jax’s audio diary, but I have a story I want to tell.”

I looked at the door in front of me. The large doors were incredible, the large pillars around the door, the tall towards, all complete with the dome. What had once been the Basílica de San Pedro, now reduced to nothing but a centerpiece of a city. It was an incredible work of art that showed what I was here for. It was a building that very few people entered, and even less ever left. I had entered and left so many times at this point. It was familiar to me, each pillar, each turn, each work of art I knew. The history wasn’t too hard to memorize, even so since I was a kid, this is what I wanted. To be a part of a cause, to keep the city intact, and to make sure nothing ever threatened the city again.
The war was proof of that, people were cruel and needed a leader to keep them in check, Mr. Cronan was that leader; and a good one at that. This was a safe place, a place where any argument was quickly resolved and people got along. I had been trying to get this meeting for years, I was still a kid, but I wanted this with all my heart. I wanted to protect the careful society that was built for us. An ecosystem that was carefully crafted with the sole purpose of safety.
I had been standing in the room so many times, and each time I walked out with the same answer, “Wait until you’re sixteen.”
I didn’t care if they said I had to wait another year. Ever since I was a kid this has been my dream job, I made sure to be top of my class, in multiple clubs, just to make sure I have the qualifications I needed. My hair was cleanly pulled back into a braid over my shoulder. This time I wasn’t leaving until I got the answer I wanted. The guard looked at me again, clearly annoyed that I was there again. His uniform was pale blue and based on a pre-war design.
“We don’t take kids. You know this, wait a year. Just like everyone else, you aren’t special.”
I looked him in the eyes, my face serious. I didn’t make a scene, that never worked and I wasn’t a child anymore.
“I have the experience, I have all the qualifications. The least you could do is let me talk to him.”
He held my eyes for a few more seconds before looking away from me.
“You’re persistent, I’ll give you that much. If I let you talk with him will you leave me alone? No matter what he says?”
I thought for a second. “I promise, if he says to wait then I’ll wait the full year.”
“You’d better.”
Then, for the first time, he led me to the door and opened it.
“It’ll be great not to be bothered by you again for a year.”
I walked inside with a serious face, I didn’t want to seem desperate. I looked around carefully. The stone walls seemed cold, despite it being a warm afternoon. I got to the set of wooden doors and carefully knocked. Then a loud low voice spoke from the other side of the door.
“Come in.”
I took a deep breath, opened the door, stepping inside the room.
“Close the door behind you, I do hate it when people leave my door open.”
I close the door and keep my tone professional.
“Of course.”
I felt his eyes staring at me as I stood in his office.
“I assume you have a reason for coming here?”
I sat down, keeping my back straight.
“Yes sir, I wanted to ask something of you.”
He didn’t smile but he nodded.
“You’re Ms. Aldan correct? My guards have told me about you. It took two years to convince them to let you in to even speak to me. I’m assuming you’re still not old enough Ms. Aldan?”
I looked at him, meeting his eyes. “No sir, I turned fifteen today.”
“I see, I presume you still want that position? I do say I’ve never met someone with this much enthusiasm. Normally they come in asking for more, so Ms. Aldan, what’s your angle?”
“Sir, I’m not sure I understand the question.”
He chuckled a bit. “You are very formal, but please there is no need to call me sir. Call me Mr. Cronan.”
“Right, Mr. Cronan, I don't know if I understood the question.”
He nodded again. “Allow me to rephrase. What is it you want? The money, the glory? What is your motive?”
I had to think about that one. I had wanted the job for a long time, ever since I knew the truth behind everything.
“Need to think for a minute? That’s quite alright.”
Mr. Cronan’s eyes landed on the clock on his desk. I had exactly one minute to give him a good reason. Then the reason hit me, the full reason I wanted this job for so long.
“I want to know what the world was like.”
The moment of silence after I spoke those words was deafening. One minute went by, then another, then five minutes of a deafening feeling of dread. Had I said the wrong thing? Then he looked right at me as he spoke.
“That’s a new answer, Ms. Allan. What the world was like before huh? You want to know the full story, so you’ve been nagging at my guards to get this job?”
“I want to know why you did it.”
Then he smiled. “So you know that much? How much do you know? And more importantly to me, how did you learn about it?”
I took a deep breath and met his eyes.
“I went to the library and into the back of it, into the storage room, I found an old book. Curiosity got the better of me and I read the book, I think it was called ‘Seven Continents 1923 – 1980’.”
He looked at me shocked. “Did you finish the book?”
“Yes, I finished the whole thing. I couldn’t put it down.”
He chuckled again. “And you still stand by us, that makes you the first. Most people are horrified and disgusted with what we did. Not even a year ago two of our greatest assets had a kid. We told him what happened, he went missing. He was a traitor. So why aren’t you?”
I tuck a loose strand of hair behind my ear.
“You had a point, society must have been horrible if it took word of mouth for them to not even look into it and blame each other. Sometimes you need to tear things down before they can be fixed.”
He thought for a minute. “I see, you agree with us? Do you want to learn more and help us keep things how they are? And if you were to change your mind about us?”
“I’m sure I wouldn’t.”
He chuckled for the third time and something felt off about his laugh but I ignored it.
“Even if you found something you didn’t like? You would still stand by our ideals?”
Again I had to think before answering his question.
“I can’t say how I could feel about something I don’t know, so I believe we'll cross that bridge when we get there.”








Wastelands, Former Italy/Yugoslavia Border
September 6th, 2009 11:15 am

“Hey, Jax again. This is how I met Vi, well Viola if we’re being technical.”

I walked through the heat, taking a break, leaning on an old dead tree. I scratch another line into the tree, seventeen lines now carved into the bark. The border around Italy was a pain to deal with, I had never gotten through. If you had an ID it was possible to get through, but you don’t get an ID until you’re eighteen, and even though I was twenty at the time I didn’t have one. I had run away at sixteen, I didn’t have an ID. I had been stuck in the area around Capital City for a bit less than four years. I couldn’t have stuck around for much longer. That’s when I saw a young woman in a uniform. She was walking towards me and I froze. I looked at her and saw that she was in a Capital City uniform. My hand went to my belt to grab a small handgun.
“Hands off the gun. Now!”
The woman’s voice was cold and demanding. I looked at her, my hand wrapping around the gun. I wasn’t about to go back, not without a fight.
“Why should I? You’re with The Capital.”
She looked younger than me. My hand was on my gun, but I was curious.
“How old are you?” I asked, not expecting her to answer.
Her face changed a bit as I asked her that. Her eyes changed from cold to a softer tone.
“I’m eighteen. What about you?”
“Twenty.”
The woman looked at me carefully before saying anything.
“I’m not with them. I can get you through that gate.”
I was suspicious of the statement from her. She was in Capital City guard uniform, I had no reason to trust her.

“...”

If she was telling the truth it would be more than worth the risk. After four years of being on the edge, this was the first chance I was handed.
“No way.”
She looks surprised. “You’re not making it out on your own. The guards will catch you. Trust me.”
“Why? Why should I trust someone from Capital City? The ones who are to blame for my problems!”
“Keep your voice down. You have to trust me, please.”
“I said no.”
Even as I said this I wanted to give her the chance. She was right, I wasn’t escaping alone. I had tried so many times. After four years of trying, I was willing to take that risk. I gazed back at the woman and then toward my hand.
“Do you have another option?”
“No… I don’t. Why are you helping me?”
“Because it’s the right thing to do.”
“What’s your name?”
The woman sighed again looking at me for a moment.
“I’m Vi Allan, but you can call me Vi. What about you?
“Jaxon.”
Vi nods and motions for me to follow her. I hesitate but follow her closer to the wall.
“You’d better not be lying to me.”
“I’m not.”
I followed further behind as I heard her talking to the group of guards at one of the exit points. Before long the guards nod and walk the other way. I was still hesitant to trust her, but she hadn’t turned on me yet. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes for a second. Vi was right. I couldn't do this alone, I had to trust her. I opened my eyes and followed Vi out the gate, still wary of her. We were both silent as we moved out the gate and out of sight behind a few trees.
“See? You can trust me.”
I looked at her again and saw no malintent on her face.
“Fine. I’ll trust you… for now.”
Wastelands, Former Yugoslavia
March 5th, 2012 8:30 pm
“It’s me Jax again.Okay that still sounds weird to say since hopefully no one will be hearing this.”

“Come on we need to hurry to set up camp for the night, we won’t make it back in time and this is the safest place to camp out for the night.”
I kept walking ignoring her.
“Jax! Stop walking, we’re setting up camp now!”
As I walked I saw her run in front of me.
“Jax. Stop walking and help me set up camp!”
Vi was a good five inches shorter so I laughed a bit when she stood in front of me.
“Sit your ass on the ground for a minute. The sun is setting, no way we’re hiking like this, not here.”
I smiled, placing my hand on her shoulder.
“Look, Vi… You can set up camp, I’m going a bit further.”
Her face was cold like always, her piercing eyes completely different from mine. Eyes that almost seemed robotic, cold, like a soldier.

“Damn, I should've seen that look so much sooner…”

“No, you’re not. We’ve been moving all day.”
She grabbed my arm and dragged me to a fallen-over log and pulled me down to it.
“You need sleep, you idiot.”
For her small stature, she was strong. She glared at me not putting the idea of rest up for debate. I laughed as I got off the log and leaned against it from the ground.
“It’s not even nine o’clock yet… Come on, we have two hours before curfew…”
Vi raised her eyebrows as I said that and I realized.
“Oh crap... Sorry. A habit from Capital City. You get that right?”
“Yeah, I understand.. Just try to sleep? Ok?”
“I don’t need to.”
I groan as I stand up brushing off my pants and glaring at Vi.
“I’m fine.”
Vi placed her hands on my shoulders and firmly pushed me back to the ground. Their gaze was stern as they met my eyes.
“Jax, you are human. Humans need to sleep, no matter how stubborn they are.”
I knew she was right.






Wastelands, Former Yugoslavia
March 6th, 2012 4:15 am

“It is too early in the morning for this crap...”

I’m pulled up to my feet still half asleep and suddenly feel myself shoved from behind making me stumble forward. I reach for my handgun but then hear a voice I recognize.
“Hurry before anyone sees us.”
Camp was already packed and Vi pushed a backpack on me. She tossed a granola bar at my face and I caught it before it hit me.
“What is this for?”
“You eat it, genius,” Vi said from in front of me.
“You didn’t eat dinner, at least eat this.”
Vi always walked a good distance ahead of everyone else she walked with, but I never thought much of it. She had joined at the same time as me, but I assumed she was some kind of turncoat. Vi had black hair, tied tightly in a ponytail, and piercing blue eyes that seemed to hold some sort of promise of violence; while my messy brown hair and matching eyes were empty of that, just a survival instinct to stay alive. Vi was also much paler than I who had oak-colored skin, not to mention my clear Hispanic accent when I spoke certain words while Vi didn’t have any audible accent. It always intrigued me how different the two of us were and even more so how we never met at school.
I still seemed nervous walking along even though we were a good distance from Capital City. My eyes wandered from the ground as I got the anxious feeling that we were being watched and glanced around slowly; looking for the source of the feeling. I caught a glimpse of a figure watching us and my hand went to the small handgun on my belt.
I decided not to draw attention to the person as we kept walking thinking that maybe they were just a normal person who lived out there. As we got close to base the person was getting closer and I noticed a mark on their uniform. My hand tightened into a fist as Vi led me further ahead from the path. I turned to the figure walking closer with my hand tight on my hand gun ready if things got violent. Vi seemed distracted as she stayed a good distance ahead. I watched the figure stalk closer. The sun was over the horizon but still cast shadows over the figure. My eyes looked over them, looking for a weapon or something on them that could give me some more information. I checked ahead and saw Vi had stopped and was walking back towards me. The man was about ten meters away when a loud bang echoed in the air.

I saw the dirt kicked up from the ground with a bullet in the ground and Vi tried to step towards me to stop more bullets but another shot was fired. A gruff voice cuts through the ringing left in my ears from the gunfire.
“Not another step from either of you! Identification and names.”
His voice was cold and demanding as I stole a glance at Vi.
“I don’t have all day. What are you two doing here? This place is quite far from Capital City, and you two don’t have uniforms.”
The man went silent as he watched the two of us. Vi looked at my hands.
“Jax… calm down.”
“I am calm!”
I shouted back at her.
“Jax calm people don’t have their hand on a gun.”
The person watching us pulled out a radio and I looked away as I saw a sudden flash of gunpowder and a loud bang echo around me. At first, I looked at Vi, holding my handgun up in front of me with smoke coming out of the barrel. My eyes were cold and locked on the man whose shock had barely registered on his face by the time I had shot the gun. My breathing was heavy, Vi had turned around having heard the gunshot.
“Jax! What did you just do?!”
I didn’t answer as the man reached a hand towards his bleeding chest and Vi saw clearly what my target was. The Capital City Patch on the man’s uniform and the bullet had torn a hole right through it. Red blood soaking a crimson color into the pale blue of the uniform. No one moved a muscle as the man gasped and stumbled forward. Blood dripped onto the sand from the hand he held over his chest. He starts coughing up blood before falling to his knees; blood soaking his uniform and dripping down his chin. I shot another bullet into the man. This one lodged into his stomach and he collapsed forward with a thud. I stumbled back a little, staring at the man that was dead on the floor.
I stumbled back, hands shaking. My pupils were constricted and my breathing was as if I had just run a marathon. My hands were unstable and shaking before the gun fell from my hand landing with a thud. The tension in the air was palpable and the only one not frozen in place from the events was Vi. She looked at the body unphased before turning to me with contempt and walking right up to him.
“Jax. You just killed a man.”
Her voice was an eerie calmness compared to the contempt in her eyes as she spoke but I didn’t say anything to her at the time. I stepped back but not before Vi gave in to a split second of anger, and backhanded me across the face. I stumble back looking at her in shock.
“I killed a threat.”
“You could’ve dealt with it better.”
“If he was alive, he would tell others.”
“You’re right. I’m sorry, it’s just only been a few years since I left Capital City. I had family in those uniforms, I’m still scared one day it will be one of them.”
“Look, this is war, family or not. You betrayed them. You kill them before they kill you.”
Vi glared at me but muttered something resembling an apology. We both walked quietly the rest of the way, Vi was dragging her feet and after an hour she finally spoke up.
“You know, it’s before curfew hours, we shouldn’t be out right now.”
The sudden statement took me off guard and my mind started to race. I looked around the endless desert, and I swore I could hear shouting of people coming after us. Vi had some sort of twisted smirk on her face when she saw my wild eyes. I tried to laugh it off but I couldn’t shake the words.

“Before I left Capital City curfew was the one thing I always feared. The curfew was always something I kept with me no matter what. Even now that it’s long behind me.”

We kept walking until we reached a bunker entrance half buried in the sand. I never bothered to brush the sand off as I went down first. I kept my eye up in case Vi tried to close the grate on my fingers and send me into a thirty-foot free fall onto the concrete below. I got to the bottom, my feet echoing on the floor below. I walked listening to the eerie silence broken only by my footsteps and the loud closing of the metal grate that closed as Vi dropped down to follow me. Our footsteps fell into a pattern of hers coming right after mine before I stopped at a metal doorway and kicked it with my boot. The door was solid iron so it always hurt to knock on it so I had just started kicking it instead. No one answered so I kicked a bit harder.
I heard the lock click open and a flashlight shone directly into my eyes, causing me to move my hand up to protect my eyes from the bright light. Vi was standing a bit further back so she avoided the light as two figures stared at us before one stepped out still not saying a word to either of us. The figure was a taller man, he was well built but I didn’t recognize him. He had amber eyes and chopped brown hair as he walked over to me holding his flashlight.
“Face the wall, you know the drill.”
I turn to face the wall and the man speaks calmly.
“Can I touch you and is there anywhere I need to be careful?”
“Yeah, and my shoulder.”
“Understood.” The man turned to Vi. “Miss please face the wall as well, I don’t want you to attack me while I check your friend here.”
Vi rolled her eyes but did as she was told and the man turned to me. His hands were rough and started at my arms before moving down to my jacket pocket where he took out the small card. He checked it with his flashlight and checked my face with the flashlight. Once he was sure I was safe he grabbed my arm, leading me to the door and letting me through the door. Inside was dimly lit by a combination of old early-century oil lamps and light bulbs. The floor was solid concrete and the walls were stone or brick depending on where in the bunker you went. Vi and the man soon entered after me and I turned to the other figure I saw at the door.
“Where’s Gregory?”
“Oh… You haven't heard about it yet? He was scouting again when he ran into a party of Capital soldiers. Bastard took about half of the group down with him. The rest of them got lucky with a few a bit beat up. He was a good man.”
It always hurt to hear that people died, no matter how many times I heard the news I could never go numb to the pain it made me feel. No matter how many times I had tried. I swallowed what pain I could but my voice wasn’t as steady as I wished it was.
“And the new guy?”
“Right, that’s Soran. Showed up a day after you and Vi left for scouting. Still kept his manners through all of this. Impressive really.”
I managed a half-hearted smile, but it didn’t do much to hide my emotions.
“Impressive indeed, any newcomers other than Soran?”
“No, ever since the new Capital regulations we’ve been getting less and less. You and Vi were the most major ones we’ve gotten. Hey, look on the bright side. You two made it back, Aubrey wants to see you both for a progress report.”
“Right, where is she right now?”
“In her office.”
“We’ll head right there.”
I walked to the office and Vi followed close behind me until we reached a small meeting room and we sat down. In a casual setting, me and Vi were opposites, but in a professional setting, we were similar. I stay completely still as I watch Aubrey look at the papers on her desk.
“Anything new found on the route?”
Vi speaks up first. “One of the Capital soldiers was right on the travel route, Jax was quick to kill him. He was alone so I assume the man got lost from his group.”
“I see, good. I’m glad that there is some consistency. I’m sure you heard about Gregory. He was the only casualty when you two were out. Things have calmed down a little, at least as far as we can see.”
I nod, it was sad that we had to consider one casualty in three days a good thing, but I knew how bad it could get. I swallow and look at my hands. I tapped my fingers on the desk before Aubrey dismissed us. I walked over to my room. It was a small room, it had four bunk beds against the wall and a thin blanket on each one. Under each bottom bunk were two trunks that held each person’s stuff. I grabbed my trunk, opened it, and grabbed a mostly empty bottle of Jack Daniel’s whiskey. I popped the bottle open and right as I did one of the guys I room with came in and looked at the bottle.
“You want to share or?”
“Look, I barely have enough in here to forget about the day.”
I swirled around the liquid in the bottle. My roommate chuckled and sighed.
“Alright lad, look. You’re not fixing this by getting drunk. We all know how this will end. Every time you get drunk you feel worse about it the next day.”
“You’re not my therapist.”
“All I’m saying is it won’t help, on the topic. How many of those bottles do you have?”
I looked up at him. “Two still full bottles.”
“Alright then, don’t do something stupid when you’re drunk.”
I sighed and took a swig of my drink. The liquid was cold and bitter. I could never get used to that taste, but it worked. I coughed a bit as I took too big of a gulp and couldn’t take the taste. I started to feel a warm buzz in the back of my head as I finished off the bottle. I laid back on the bed looking at the roof of my bunk. A few names were messily carved into wood, the wood was frayed and many pieces were not even the same size. Most of the bunks were already in the bunker before the group showed up but about three rooms had to be added as more people started to show up. Every name scrawled into the wood was a person who was gone, when you first arrived you would write your name on the bed and that was the bed you stuck with your whole time here.
I had been staying in the same bed for a little under three years at that point, in that time I remembered every name I had to see when I went to bed at night. A few were crossed out, people who didn’t deserve to be remembered after what they did. Only two names were scratched out on my bunk and I could never read them; that didn’t stop me from trying. My eyes followed the names and dates until they rested on my own name and date.
“Jaxon Williams September 26th 2009.”






Wastelands, Former Yugoslavia
September 26th, 2009 3:00 pm

“Hello I’m Jaxon and this will be my first entry to hopefully an ongoing audio diary...”

The air had a slight chill as we kept walking, my outfit was a mess of hiking boots, torn-up old jeans, and what was once a white t-shirt now a light tan from the sand on the ground with red and black stains littered my jacket. The jacket that once belonged to my father and I had taken it when I first left. There was a large red stain on the left shoulder from when I first left. The jacket had been messily stitched up, probably better than how I had stitched up my wound that night. Vi walked ahead of me, her outfit was a military uniform from the Capital City but by this point, it was torn up and dust-covered. The patch that used to be her Capital City emblem was now ripped off, replaced with a swatch of fabric from the interior lining of the jacket. Neither of us spoke, we had nothing more to say. We had been walking for upwards of twenty days at this point so all small talk options had been exhausted.
I still didn’t trust Vi, as nice as she had seemed something felt off with her. I didn’t know if it was knowing that she was wearing the uniform, or that her hair was still neatly styled. Maybe it was that she seemed a lot less skinny than me. It may sound weird to admit that, but she had been a small person when we met. We had been walking at least seven hours each day on barely any food and she had barely lost any weight. I had been surviving off a few granola bars and chips still in my bag and the contents of one water bottle, only taking sips when I needed it. Vi never asked for food so I assumed she had her own to some extent. We were lucky enough that it was a colder month, since in June through August the heat is unbearable when you have water, let alone without it. Every so often we would find a snow patch that was still white and I would pack the stuff into mine and Vi’s water bottles.
Not that I thought Vi needed to share with me, but I thought it was a common courtesy to share food if you had extra, at least in this scenario. I was on my last granola bar and decided it was worth a shot to ask her.
“Um, Vi?”
“Yeah, what do you need?” she answered pretty quickly.
“Do you have any food left, I’m out…”
“Yeah.”
She then tossed me an apple, it was still cold considering how frigid the air was right now, maybe I was just overthinking everything. She probably just wanted to keep herself alive, I had asked and she didn’t hesitate to share with me, since I needed it. She seemed nice if not a bit closed off, then again I wasn’t much better. My train of thought was interrupted as I stumbled forward at my next step, my head spinning. The world started to spin around me as I tried to steady myself on a tree. My hand missed the tree and my shoulder hit the ground hard. A sharp pain shot down my arm and I felt blood start to soak my jacket. The warmth it gave me was quickly overshadowed as the blood turned cold in the frigid air. Vi rushed over and I felt a cold hand touch my forehead.
“Jax? Jax!?”
Her voice sounded so far awake, like an echo from a canyon. The wound on my shoulder burned as if someone was branding my arm with a hot iron. I try to focus my eyes but my vision blurs, even keeping them open was too much effort now.
“Jaxon!”
Vi’s voice sounded even more far away. Then nothing.