From The Outside Looking In

Dying of loneliness.
Strangled by pride.
Life knows where I am.
There's nowhere to hide.

Much too proud to end it all.
Far too weak to stand.
I'm caught 'tween what I should be,
and what I really am.

There's a man inside, I know it.
I sense him every day.
He's stronger than I am.
And I'm just in the way.

Noone sees this inner being,
Within this shell outside.
Too much room for me out here.
Too little for him inside.

I wonder what he looks like.
How would he behave?
I'm sure he'd beat the world.
If he wasn't my little slave.

But I'm the one the world sees.
I'm the face of me.
He's the strong one - trapped inside.
He only needs a key.

I'm sick and I'm tired,
Of bearing this weight.
The burden of an imposter,
That took a lifetime to create.

Not sure how long I can bear it.
Can't put it down or pass it off.
It's my weight to bear alone.
But I think I've had enough.

Time to stop pretending.
Time to let him out.
The shell that binds must fall away,
To end the social drought.

To become a different person,
Will be difficult at first.
I may lose friends and family.
But to remain here would be worse.

Now, to get to know him.
This prisoner I've held so long.
I know he's smart, I know he's wise.
I know he's very strong.

I feel him when I'm weak.
I feel him when I'm sad.
He's the one who speaks to me,
Who says, "Things aren't so bad".

He's loud, he's sure, he's true.
He doesn't get sick, he doesn't lose.
He doesn't chase loose women.
He's not dependent on booze.

He speaks his mind with ease.
He cares not whom he hurts.
When the truth must be spoken,
His honesty comes first.

He's the voice that says to me,
"That's what you should have said".
In quiet times of reflection,
While I lie awake in bed.

When not enough was done,
And not enough was said,
He'll step up and take the reins,
And speak for me instead.

So, what then will become of me?
This outer prison vessel.
Will I simply cease to be,
And find a place to nestle?

I want this thing to die.
I want it to dissolve.
He wouldn't want it anyway.
He has too much resolve.

He'll take my place and walk among,
The people I've come to know.
He'll look like me, he'll sound like me.
He'll act much differently, though.