Bathroom humor

“No weapon forged against me shall prosper, and every tongue that shall rise against thee in judgment thou shalt condemn. For this is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and their righteousness is of me, saith the Lord.” Amen.

-Isaiah 54:17

God told me a joke the other day. I was at the park and I had to use the bathroom, but I was hesitant. You see, as anyone who has ever had the pleasure of visiting a public restroom will tell you, the entire experience can be a lot on the senses. First, there's the invasive aromas. We're talking powerful and pungent vapors; the kind that make your nostrils flare from around the corner. Then there's the sub-sanitary scenery. This can range anywhere from colorful puddles,to trash, hair, and even bodily fluids of every kind strewn across the floors and walls. Don't get me started on the state of the toilets. Needless to say, It's usually not my first choice of places to relieve myself.

Nonetheless, I really had to go. So there I was venturing into Satan's chambers, mentally preparing myself for a symphony of unpleasantries, when I found myself face to face with a very adventurous smelling gentleman. Being in such a small bathroom with only one stall, one sink, and one urinal, it's not an uncommon occurrence to find oneself in close proximity with a few questionable characters. However, this man seemed to just be standing in the bathroom without a purpose. On top of that, when I locked eyes with him, he gave me a really dirty look; as if to say, “what the hell are you looking at?” In situations like these, my usual response is to just carry along with my business, and that was exactly what I tried to do. Unfortunately, as I got to the urinal, I began to feel his eyes on my back.

Now I'm not quite sure how normal this is, but I’ve always found it hard to use the bathroom with people watching me. My first thought was to go to the adjacent stall for some privacy, but a cursory glance revealed a pair of worn and dingy sneakers underneath. With that option off the table I decided that I was going to push through the issue. Sadly, nothing came, and eventually I gave up trying.

“Only in New York,” I muttered to myself as I pretended to finish and flushed.

However, when I was washing my hands I decided that I wasn't going to let this get the best of me. With that I turned around directly facing the man and sincerely told him to have a good day. He simply stared back at me in response, wearing that same sour expression, which annoyed me even further. But then after that he pounded on the stall with his fist.

“Hey, anybody in there!” he snarled indignantly.

“Yeah,” called another voice from inside.

The man’s face then sunk even more as cried, “C’mon, man. I gotta go!”

Maybe it's a little cruel, but I laughed about that one all the way to the next bathroom on the other side of the park. God sure does have a good sense of humor, and like most comedians he tends to drop a little bit of wisdom in every joke too. As I move forward in life, I find myself always looking to glean more and more of these lessons. However, that in itself is actually what has led me to my most recent dilemma.

You see, as a child of God and a follower of Christ’s teachings, I feel that the Lord calls us to do his work in the lives of others. At the same time he often ministers to us through those experiences, as well as the various trials he faces us with. However, those often counteract my own desires and tendencies, which can be quite conflicting. On one hand, I have every intention of pleasing him by walking the path he has shown me. Conversely, I find it really difficult to remain true to myself while doing so.

Did he not go with me into that bathroom? Didn't he lead the other man there as well with the intention of orchestrating that encounter? So then why place such a specific shortcoming upon me? He knows everything about me– my strengths, my weaknesses, even the exact number of hairs on my head. Surely, he knew how being in that situation was going to affect me.

That night in prayer I asked him, “Why Father? Why have you forsaken me?”

He doesn't always answer me, but this time I instantly thought of a line from one of my favorite movies, “Clerks.” It follows a convenience store employee who goes throughout his entire day caving in to the demands of others. First his boss calls him on his day and convinces him to fill in for a sick employee. He then goes on to be harassed by customers about everything from prices to using the bathroom, and even playing hockey on the roof of the store. All the while, he is complaining constantly about how rude everyone is and that he wasn't even supposed to be here that day. Finally, at the end his best friend gets fed up and basically tells him that it's all his own fault. What he said next was what God said to me at that moment.

“I’m not the sort of person who’ll disrupt things just so I can shit comfortably.”

What a relatable line. It was the exact thing that I needed to hear at the time. He would never forsake me. He was trying to teach me. It's not about shifting between focuses, but finding a way to mingle these separate worlds into one Man, God is so good all the time. I am truly thankful for this lesson. Amen.