Santa Claus and the Christmas Factory

Santa Claus and the Christmas Factory

It was recently Christmas, and I watched Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory (1971) and something came to me. The 1971 film that is based on Roald Dahl’s 1964 novel, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, has strong similarities; this story shares some things in common with the 2005 film adaptation of the 1964 novel too, as well as the same title as the book sequel Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator. Other influences include the New Pill written by Stephen Leacock in 1910, and an illustration by Maurice Sendak of the fairy tale titled the Goblins included in the Juniper Tree, and Other Tales from Grimm by the Brothers Grimm from 1973. In Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory and Christmas lore, both authority figures reward nice children and punish bad children, they both have workers (the elves and the Oompa Loompas), and they both have rivals, Krampus and Slugworth respectively. Therefore, I thought why not write a story, a holiday satirical spin on the 1971 film, so here you go, with elements of Roald Dahl and R.L. Stine creepy youth literature, I present Santa Claus and the Christmas Factory. This tale is creepy and involves a child in peril, severe embarrassment, but it is appropriate for both children and adults, probably a 13+ audience, so if you are into creepy children’s stories, please enjoy!

Luis Hildegarde was a troublemaker. His parents loved him with all their heart, but they grew so tired of his antics year after year. They were a younger couple but not young enough to manage such a disrespectful kid. This Christmas though, his behavior went over the top. No one understood why. Not even did his parents. “If you do not behave Santa will give you coal” his dad (Hugh) told him. “That is right” his mother (Pam) concurred. “Santa” Luis laughed, “I don’t believe in Santa!” Luis was just ten, but he knew Santa did not exist from day one. Christmas was special to his parents, but New Year’s Day and Valentine’s Day were moreover. Hugh was born on January 1st, and Pam was born on February 14th, the days of the holidays respectively, and Luis was born on January 23rd, twenty-two days between each. They always treasured him as their New Year’s cupid baby.

“Please, I am old enough to know better” Luis fussed. His father out of nowhere said, “Luis you function as if you are still one year old! Grow up!” His father exasperatingly said, and it is not as if his parents shouted at him like that. “Hugh!” His wife reprimanded him, “He is still a kid.” “Please Pam, he needs to learn to behave properly. This is why the other kids and even teachers laugh at him.” Hugh rebutted. “I do not even care” Luis laughed, but though he most often did not care about what others thought, derisive laughter was something that bothered him; he dreaded what it would be like if it came from his own parents who did consider his behavior foolish at times but knew well enough not to laugh at their own son. Luis often got in trouble with school, but no one took him seriously to even care. He was the class clown, but no one thought he was funny, at least not in an approachable way.

“Well, it is Christmas eve, and we are going to church, so please, behave yourself tonight.” His mother implored. “Whatever” Luis mattered. Of course, the night did not go well. Luis managed to break the Jesus Christ in the manager set, the worst part his parents were involved in the church, and it was their set. That ticked off everyone, his parents took him home and felt extremely hopeless. “We love you, Luis, we always will, but you cannot keep acting this way” his mom said exasperatingly but softly. “You are infantile” Luis’s dad added, “You are not a baby.” “You are so pampered and spoiled” Luis’s mom added trying to hold him in attempt Luis would listen and see the error of his bad manners. She hugged him and softly gave him kisses, even his dad gave him a little affection but not too much, “We do not mind coddling you, we always will, we will always love you baby, once our baby always our baby, but you cannot act so ungrateful. You need to start doing things for yourself for a change. We will not always be around to teach you right from wrong.” That night though would change everything, but it was not his parents who would set everything in motion.

That late night, Luis woke up to use the restroom, the downstairs one, and he saw Santa Claus. “Santa” he said “You are real? Are those presents for me?” “No, they are for your parents, goodness knows they suffer enough.” Santa answered him. “What is that supposed to mean?” Luis answered back feeling a little insulted. “We shall only see, but here, here is a lollipop at least, just for suckers. A sucker for a sucker if you will.” Luis just laughed that off and Santa went about his way. “Maybe their new gift will be a baby” Santa joked and continued, “I will be back, believe me.” Santa left sight, as Luis just continued chucking to himself, “O-k whatever you say Santa.” Luis shouted before Santa went up the chimney, “Do you have other children to punish?” As if Luis was a good kid and the only one at that. Santa stopped and thought of a plan. “Are you suggesting you are a good kid, the one and only?” Out of thin air, Santa composed a magic ticket. “Ask your parents to visit this factory, no price charged.” Luis stopped and asked, “Will it be boring and just be Christmas-like?” Santa assured, “Not at all” and that was not a lie.

The next morning Luis showed the ticket to his parents. “You and your child are invited to my holiday factory, where we put the “holly” in “holiday.” Come aboard the train on Ivy and Holly Lane, signed Nick and Carol Kringle.” “Sounds like fun, what nice people” Pam cheerily chimed in lightly slapping her hands against Luis’s shoulders. “Fun, and it will be on your birthday sweetie” Pam squealed to Luis. On the night Hugh, Pam and Luis boarded the train with. “Show me your ticket and introduce yourself” the conductor said, Nick in disguise. “We are Hugh and Pam Hildegarde, and this is our little big man Luis”, Hugh said. Luis rolled his eyes in embarrassment. When they arrived, they arrived at a cold place, the North Pole in disguise. Nick and Carol could not reveal themselves until later.

After Luis and his parents disembarked from the train, they encountered Nick and his wife Carol. “What is this place, the north pole?” Hugh asked letting out a little chuckle. “Hm, not necessarily” Nick slightly lied, “Perhaps something like that though.” “And I suppose you are Santa” Hugh asked smiling. “My wife and I are Nick and Carol that is all that matters now” Nick answered. The couple, parents and the boy entered the factory. Nick introduced his workers, “elves?” Hugh asked. “Yes, well you know just to celebrate the holidays.” Nick let out a smile. “I get it now” Hugh answered with Pam smiling next to him, holding their son, “This is not the north pole. You are not Santa Claus, and these are not elves, it is just show for visitors just to get them into the holidays.” Nick did not want to answer, feeling somewhat insulted, but again, he could not reveal himself. “Just to get everyone in the holiday spirit” Nick smiled. After the pleasant conversation, things were starting to spin.

Nick showed Hugh and Pam a huge sign, “just a waiver” Nick told them. It was a nice and naughty list in fact. “Why are there other names here?” Pam curiously asked. “Other children and their parents visited. All the same policy. Nothing more nothing less” Hugh assured her. “Let us hang up hats and coats here” Carol pointed. Nick and Carol took them on an inside sleigh ride, Luis giggled in fun, oh was he going to be indulged tonight. Suddenly, they all embarked in darkness, Hugh, Pam and Luis were terrified. Images flashed all over the factory, Luis screamed, even his parents screamed, but for some reason were so engaged. The parents and their son saw different images such as a witch flying on her broomstick, Santa Claus watching with one eye, a chopped to bits turkey, a worm crawling out of a Valentine’s Day heart shaped candy box, a leprechaun plucking fairies putting them into his malicious pot of gold, an evil Uncle Sam, and a monstrous Easter bunny. An evil twist on the Night before Christmas poem was recited. Hugh and Pam were terrified, Luis was nothing but amazed, he thought it was nothing but silly. “I want a balloon!” He demanded. “Can you make our son a balloon?” Pam asked. “All in good time my dear” Hugh said, rather creepily. Luis laughs loudly, “what a fraud” he muttered. “Luis” Pam softly rebuked.

After Nick finished the poem, he presented different rooms, “I tried to stop him (which was a lie), but Kramer my twin brother was out to get children, but he managed to only get my elves, but though under unfortunate circumstances they managed to get away. One ate firecracker candies so I had to put him in a freezer where snow cones are made, another in my candy apple room where my pet rabbits put bad eggs in baskets to differentiate from the good ones, or apples with my tasty candy apples (must take out those pesky seeds you know, sometimes I alter between eggs and apples) one elf though fell right in sadly, another elf in the snow set (show set? Get it?) he wanted to be a part of the show but I told him no you cannot you just cannot did not listen so he shrunk becoming a mini snowman (I did manage to stretch him out, he turned from snowman to abominable snowman), a chubby elf tried to eat the gingerbread room told her no she shot up the chimney (that is my job, right?) flattened her into a gingerbread woman stuffed into a stocking, a mischievous little elf of mine fell into a shamrock fudge machine only to unfortunately be cut into chocolate coins to sell for the pound, another elf tragically stole a piece of pumpkin gum (full of pumpkin dumplings, pumpkin soup, and pumpkin pie) from me told her it was not ready I was still testing it out did not want anyone to turn into a giant pumpkin; “Pumpkin, you are turning into a pumpkin, Pumpkin!” (“did she?” Hugh asked, “what do you think” Pam replied) … Nick paused and continued, “It leaves this room, the powder room. It has a lovely milk fountain – alright let us disembark.” All exited the sleigh, Hugh and Pam were in big amazement, “poor elves” Pam shivered, “tragic things happen” Hugh assures her, “I am sure they all turned out alright.” “Did they?” Hugh turned to Nick. “Obviously” Nick said, “but of course leaving them with a very different … course. I will not let anything happen to my workers.” They were not workers though.

Hugh, Pam and Luis were amazed. “Wow” Luis said with his mother resting her hands on his shoulder. Little did he know what was going to happen. “How does this work” Hugh asked curiously. “Let me show you” Nick answered. He turned on the milk machine, which was dipping covering itself with powder, unbeknownst talcum powder. After the machine was finished, Nick took out the candy cane flavored lollipop. “There” Nick said in triumph. “What an incredible treat to test out” he continued. “Test out?” Luis said rebuffing. He snatched the lollipop from Nick. “I would not do that kid” Nick told Luis. “It is not ready yet!” He condescended. “Luis Hildegarde! Listen to him” Pam said, “We do want to take you back home after all, all in one piece.” “If it is candy it is for me” Luis said in a mocking little triumph. “Do not do anything stupid son” Hugh said putting his hands on his son, Luis sighed loudly. “How does it taste sweetie?” Pam asked Luis. “Delicious” Luis answered, “Lemons sprayed on roasted geese … (waiting a bit), yum, peanut soup … wow, cotton candy pie.” “I will be worried about that part” Nick said the words coming out with caution but quite ominously. Luis’s stomach gurgled.

“Wow, look at his face” a kid exclaimed. “Baby, your face, your face!” Pam shrieked. “Mom, I was not done!” Luis barked. “What a brat!” A mother exclaimed. “Cool it” Pam condescended. Luis’s face was turning colors, clownish colors, his rounded nose turning deep red. “Baby, you are a clown!” Pam screamed. “He is a joker!” Hugh added. Nick derided, “What else is new?” Luis’s hair was becoming a mix of yellow, purple and red, becoming curly. Pam squeezed Luis’s crimson nose, it humiliatingly honked. Pam put her hands on her son, “Baby, what is happening?!” she said in utter shock. Luis squeaked wriggling. His stomach sounds worsened, hiccups came out, flatulence from his mouth and rectum, Luis emitted some steam from his mouth as a dragon does with fire. He was not only turning into a clown. “Son, you are shrinking!” Hugh panicked. Pam looked at her son with shocked eyes. “What are you becoming now?” She shrieked. Luis was de-aging right in front of their own eyes. “Baby, you are a baby, baby!” His mother screamed. Luis’s clothes transformed some dissolved, his cap stayed on to turn into a baby bonnet with a milk bottle attached, his undershirt to become a striped buttoned undershirt, his arm bracelets to turn into a pair of arm wings (worn for some people mostly young children to help them swim), his shoes turned into overinflated clown shoes, and finally yet importantly, his underwear to turn into nothing but a giant sized, inflated diaper, three over each other actually. “Luis, you are in a diaper – a diaper!” His mother shrieked frantically. This sent chills down Luis’s spine as sore as the most irritating rash, he felt embarrassment, shame, the ill at ease. “Three actually” Nick said. “Three?” Pam and Hugh asked gaping. Luis just stared around feeling so stupid, “No, that’s not fair! That’s not fair!” Luis cried bouncing up and down in his big, puffy, fat diapers. “Hugh look” Pam screamed to her husband, “Look at his lollipop, it is a pacifier, a pacifier!” Luis was gradually turning into a one-year-old toddler. Some of Luis’s hair disappeared but some of his hair was still on his head. “The suspense is terrible. I love it.” Nick said rather calmly. “Great you are enjoying our son’s suffering!” Pam shouted. “You better explain yourself Nick, look at what happened to my kid! I will rip you for this!” Hugh shouted, accusing Nick even though it was Luis’s own doing. “It was his fault” Nick said casting severe judgement. “He is just a child!” Pam shouted again, “He is a curious one, always have been!”

Luis’s body sounds worsened. Hugh and Pam looked back at their boy with their eyes entirely amazed. “What are you doing now?” Pam screamed. Luis felt extremely ticklish, his arms out to his side rising higher and higher. “You are swelling up!” His mother screamed. “What is happening? I feel so funny!” Luis cried. “That does not surprise me. You are funny!” Nick mocked, “You look and smell funny too! Ha-ha-ha, who is laughing now?!” Nick and Carol started laughing, as did the other adults and children even though they did feel bad for the parents. His mother finally answered, “Baby, you are blowing up! You are blowing up like a balloon!” The buttons on Luis’s shirt almost looked as if they were about to burst off. Hugh tapped on his son’s stomach as if it were a watermelon causing his son to nearly tip over. “Stomach in chest out son” Hugh said rather embarrassingly. As Hugh poked his son, Luis let out a big burp. “That was rude. Excuse you, what do you say?” Pam said chastising her son as if Luis could control himself, “Well, he always enjoyed burping” his father added. “Look at that belly, son, so big, round and plump, look at that belly” his father added poking his humongous belly. Luis’s mother added, “You need to be put on a diet sweetie, you are getting too large!” Luis tries to vocalize but has his pacifier in the way, “Do not talk with your mouth full honey that is rude” Luis’s mother rebukes. Hugh added, “He might eat a lot, but his eyes are not bigger than his stomach, his stomach is bigger than his eyes.” Pam added, “You need to start pulling your weight around here.” Hugh said in agreement, “He certainly does, he has tons of it!” Luis kept on hiccupping and releasing more oral and anal flatulence. “Honey, we need to let the air out of him, fast!” Pam said frantically. “He is going to explode!” Hugh shouted. “That is not air!” Nick said. “I will get you for this Nick!” Hugh warned him. “If it is the last thing we ever do!” Pam added. “Stick him with a pin!” Pam said absentminded to what would happen, “He is going to pop!” Hugh added. “What a buffoon! Silly, silly big baby!” Carol said, “He is a pig” Carol said pounding on Luis’s big stomach (making pig-like noises, “oink, oink”), causing Luis to burp again, “What a piggy!” “A pig? He is an elephant!” Nick added, “No, a whale!” Nick, Carol, and the other adults and children laughed throughout the entire thing as Luis flapped his arms like wings, “Help! Help” He cried. “No one will help you Luis, no one wants to help bad children” Nick reprimanded. Hugh and Pam were nervous and sighed in sympathy. “Honey, you are a blimp!” Pam remarked, “You are an imp blimp!” Luis just kept looking around feeling dumber and dumber by the minute knowing he royally screwed up and there was no way back. “Well, Nick made our son a balloon, a coarsened, colossal, and corpulent balloon!” Hugh said in a subtly screaming tone.

Eventually, the shirt tore off, leaving just his diaper, which Luis noticed right away. Luis stopped inflating, but now something was taking place as well, something perhaps a bit more humiliating. His diaper embarrassingly made a loud squeaking noise. His parents looked at his diaper with their eyes agape. “Now, what?” His mother said, “Your diaper, it is swelling up!” Luis was shocked. His mother embarrassingly prodded the backside of his inflating diaper as he simultaneously loudly farted, “Luis” Pam chastised as Luis released more and more gas becoming all the more humiliated. “Your diaper is blowing up!” His father added, “Your diaper is blowing up like a balloon!” As his parents knelt, he knew what was coming, “Mom, Dad, no, not the diaper – not the diaper! Please, please!” He wanted to swat his parents’ hands away, but his arms were not able to budge. His parents started to hang onto his ballooning diaper feeling it like crazy, his mother prodded it from underneath and patted the back, his father knocked the front as if he was inspecting a pumpkin. Luis jumped in embarrassment trying to squirm away but not being able to go anywhere. His mother said, “Oh baby, let us help you with this” trying embarrassingly to pick off his safety pin (all three!), “Hugh, please help me with this” she implored her husband. Luis became incredibly fussy, “Baby, stop that now” his mother condescended tapping his diapered behind repeatedly. “We do not act like that” his father added. “Hold still” his mother ordered as both his parents firmly grasped his diaper from all sides of the most uncomfortable part of his body causing Luis to awkwardly giggle. “Let us help you” another female parent said as some of the other parents stepped in to hold an antsy Luis, “get away, quit it” he cried. The safety pins were struggling to stay on as Luis got more and more agitated tightening up his body; his parents tickled his diaper like piano keys, “tickle, tickle, tickle” his father said, “That’s ticklish! Stop!” Luis cried anxiously, moving about. The safety pin finally flew off (pop!) aiming towards a cuckoo clock causing the cuckoo bird to repeatedly come out as if imitating the absurdity of the entire fiasco (as everyone jumped back, Hugh pulled his wife back, “Honey, watch out!”) It almost hit his mother in the face, Luis stared around aimlessly with so much embarrassment and bafflement. “Luis” his father shouted, “That was dangerous! That could have hurt someone!” His mother added, “It could have poked someone’s eye out!” As if Luis could control what was happening.

Hugh and Pam backed away, so other adults and children could feel Luis’s distending diaper as well, this was so unexpected and made Luis feel so uncomfortable. “Ow, you’re hurting me! You’re hurting me! Quit it, stop!” Luis cried flapping his hands about like an idiot. It was one thing for his parents to touch his diaper nonstop as if they did not ever feel a diaper before, but for complete strangers to do so and for his parents allowing it was beyond belief. People stretched it, felt the insides, poked it, prodded it, squeezed it, and tapped it, and so on, doing all sorts of things to it. “Somebody, please do something!” His mother cried, “Oh baby … baby! Somebody, save my baby!” “Call a tailor!” His father added, as if that would help anything. “Can it get any bigger?” He asked. “It is getting too full!” Luis’s mother screamed, “Honey, the size of his diaper is bigger than the size of his IQ!” Luis’s father added, “Honey, the size of his head, body and limbs is bigger than the size of his IQ!” Nick and Carol laughed. A male parent suggested, “Prick it with a pin!” Another female parent added, “Stick it with a needle!” Pam cried, “It is going to burst any minute, I know!” “It is going to pop!” A female parent exclaimed. “What is this a blowout?” Luis’s father added, in the same tone. “It is going to explode!” Luis’s mother added. Luis started crying, his mother comforted him, “It is alright baby, we will see that you will return to your original age, and do not worry, somebody will change your diaper soon, our poor boy is not going to get diaper rash!” As if the last two were the biggest priority. The other adults and children stopped touching his diaper so his parents could feel it again. "Do not worry pumpkin" Pam told her son, "Mommy and Daddy know what is best for baby." His parents blew wet raspberries on his swollen stomach, pinched his chubby cheeks, and kissed him on his distended diaper. Luis was a baby again, no way he was going to be himself ever again. With great concern, Pam screamed, “Look what happening is to our son! Our poor baby boy!" Brief pause. Pam said more calmly, "Baby sweetheart save some room for later.” “Is everything out son?” Hugh asked. Hugh and Pam peeked inside, “yes” Pam said as she and her husband patted his diaper. Suddenly, the tapes on the sides popped open, “oh baby” Pam said deeply concerned, “We have to fix that” Pam held onto the tapes tightly, but before she knew it the tapes attached themselves. “Semper in Pampers” Hugh said. “Not Pampers” Nick said, “Lumpies actually.” “Lumpies?” Pam and Hugh asked in unison. “Yes, new brand.” “Oh, we need to let the air out of his diaper quick!” Pam blurted. “It does not have air in there!” Nick said as Hugh and Pam continued touching his diaper like mad. “It is stool – well, actually, it is both!” Nick continued. “Who cares what it is? Does he need to be changed? Do something now!” Hugh yelled. “Oh honey” Pam told her husband, “What are we going to do?” “Mom, Dad, stop, please! Please! You are embarrassing me! You are embarrassing me!” Luis cried. “You are embarrassing us!” Pam replied.

When Hugh and Pam were not looking, Nick pulled the back of Luis’s diaper open, dumping some coal in it, Carol honked his diaper like a clown horn. Suddenly, Hugh and Pam smelled something off, Pam said accusingly, “Luis, was that you … it was you, Hugh, Hugh!” Luis had an “oh, crap” facial expression. “No, it was not me” Luis cried, “It was not me!” “Who else would it be?” Hugh accused. “Who else indeed” Pam asked. “It was not any of our children” a mother said, “It must have been him”, “it was him” people chanted. Luis got so nervous that he started urinating and defecating uncontrollably, “Are you going to the bathroom in your diaper Luis?” Pam snapped, “Seriously? (Broods) I think I am going to be sick.” Both Hugh and Pam put on grossed out facial expressions, “thank goodness I already ate” Hugh said as if he was proud of it. As if you would expect anything else from a baby. “I cannot stop going!” Luis cried. In a while, Nick blew his flute, the tune sounding like Willy Wonka’s whistle but additionally, somewhat sounding like pop goes the weasel as well. Luis’s parents finally finished touching his swollen diaper. Luis was relieved but was still so humiliated. An elf appeared as Santa introduced as his “munchkin devilkins.” “Take this big baby to the nursery, give him a fresh change” Nick instructed to the elf. An elf whispered something into Nick’s ear. “Oh, what is that?” Nick said inquisitively. “What did he say?” Pam demanded. “Unfortunately, we cannot revert your son back to his regular age, but we can at least deflate him” Nick slightly lied. “What for, is it safe?” Pam asked. Nick replied, “He needs to be squeezed, immediately, or he is going to explode.” “Explode?” Pam asked, questioning what she had just heard. “Yes” Nick answered. Hugh and Pam were shocked. “At least he is our baby boy again” Hugh told his wife, “No time for jokes honey” she said shyly commenting. “We can put him on covers of parent magazine; we can even put him in diaper commercials” Hugh added. Pam was not amused, but her husband meant well, so she playfully slapped her husband on the shoulder, “oh hon” she said, but most of all, Pam was just busy worrying. "Well, no more bed wetting for you, son" his father said much to his humiliation, "your father and I cannot deal with it anymore" Pam added.

Luis saw twelve elves dancing around him around the room in a fancy beat. The elves sung with lyrics alluding to his infantile behavior, his parents coddling him, and other things that come with all babyhood (diapers, pacifiers, etc.), openly laughing at him as well. In fact, everyone was laughing, even his own parents were laughing, he was so ill at ease, in fact, it scared him and made him quite upset, his parents never laughed at him like that before, but never say never, right. It was as if his own parents were holding it back all the time. To make matters worse, his parents were even dancing to the music. It was as if his parents were angry with Nick and Carol for what happened to their son but were so overcome with acquiescence.

“Munchkin Devilkin kitschy kin.
We have a great puzzle for you so listen in
Munchkin Devilkin kitschy key.
You are very unwise, so listen to me.
What do you get when your behavior is bad?
Why do you disrespect your own mother and dad?
What can you obtain being so risible?
You should know that the answer is discernible.
You don’t ever learn.
What do you get when you suckle on pacifiers?
Suckling as much as an infant suckles,
What are you at being so horribly fat?
Looking like you did when you’re a rug-rat.
No one likes that look of it.
If you’re not needy, you will go far.
There is a loincloth for us as a baby.
Not everybody likes wearing a nappy.
Wearing this cloth starts a disdainful mess.
Isn’t it funny when another does?
It is always hilarious!
Who do you defame when your kid is a bumpkin?
Hampered and foiled in an obese napkin.
Defaming others is so much fie and utter shame.
You know exactly who’s to defame.
Your indulgence and your imprudence.
If they are coddled, they won’t go far.
What can you say when diapering is such a curse?
The answer though thankfully they often reimburse.
Or don’t they understand? ---

Now the elves were singing in a slower and sterner voice, the elves started singing to Luis as the Oompa Loompas did to Violet Beauregarde in Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory. The song also sounded very similar except for a little calliope sound and was a bit slower with harsher disappointment. Luis was literally the elephant in the room. He was fully round, bigger than everything else, puffy like an idiotic balloon, wearing nothing but a ginormous exposing diaper, three in fact, feeling more vulnerable than ever. Luis saw twelve elves circling around him dancing to a condescending beat glancing at him all over, bouncing up and down, and eyeing him with so much judgment. Luis awkwardly waddled circularly as the elves bounced up and down walking around him, arms folded even Nick and Carol were shaking their heads, “baby steps son” his father said, “baby steps.” As Luis cumbersomely halted, the elves reached out towards him firmly placing both their hands on him, Luis tipped forwards a bit even before the elves started touching him then returned to his still position. One elf had their hands on his bulged chest, another on the back of his chest, two on his hips, another on his hips from the other side, one near his side touching him between his groin and hip, another on the same area opposite side, two on the back their hands on the same areas, and four in front and back, two on the fronts of his diaper, and two on the backside of his diaper. Luis humiliatingly and idiotically flapped his hands about, rapidly and continuously. He mouthed “shoo” and his frowning eyes were more discomforted than ever expressing, "do not touch me!" His parents looked genuinely concerned, their eyes meeting each other and holding hands, but his mother did say, “Luis, you stop that now.” Luis felt chastised and embarrassed. How could it get any worse, right? Unfortunately, for Luis, his humiliation and helplessness were only starting.

--- Diaper wearing’s vital when you’re a very early nipper.
It soaks up your leaking and heightens with matter, but,
It is irrisive, insulting, and inane.
Wearing a diaper, each day in.
The way that a tot does.
What do you get from being stuck in nappies?
A pain in the butt and an IQ of babies.
Why don’t you try simply acting your age?
Or do you just want others to disparage?
You will get no …
You will get no …
You will get no decrials.
Wearing a diaper all the while.
Like some fat, oversized infantile.
So rotund and wide,
So needy, huge, and snide.
Being in diapers, you will not go far.
Be like us, like the Munchkin Devil kitschy kin.
Otherwise, everyone will always have derision."

The elves rolled him around like a ball, jumped on him like a trampoline, splashing juice around in him. The elves took out yard sticks and started measuring him, as he cooed tightening his bulgy body. As the elves momentarily stationed him, giving a rattle to him. They changed him right then and there, oh was Luis embarrassed, they powdered and wiped his behind and rubbed lotion on him, and triple diapered him. Luis looked around hopelessly, his hands still moving about as if that could change anything. His parents wanted to step in but did not want to interfere, he did need a new diaper after all, Pam sighed and said in approval of what the elves were doing, “Baby, stop that! If you need a new diaper, you are going to get a new diaper!” “Bottoms up son” Hugh added. Pam added, “You do need a new nappy sweetie. Would that feel nice? Of course, it would, sweetie. (Firmer) It is for your own good!” Pam sharply rebuked. Next, the elves dressed Luis in a rubbery patriotic colored circus romper with pom poms for buttons, card shapes, circus patterns, and a ruffed collar. They gave him an enormous jester’s cap with two pom poms instead of bells and a waist sash along his hips. “More clowning around? What is this a fun house?” Hugh asked. “No, even though your son is fit for a circus. No … he is not a performer; he is the entire circus” Nick answered in triumphant mockery. Luis cooed in embarrassment staring off into the distance, “Say thank you to the man Luis. You are always Mommy and Daddy’s baby boy, but you are now our little man again. Just the right size for Mommy and Daddy.” “Now the size of his mind and body are identical” Nick laughs. “You wouldn’t have to worry about growing up ever again!” Carol chortled.

After the elves finished changing Luis. They took out his pacifier and inserted a milk bottle. In a moment’s time, they backed away as everyone heard a loud sound as body sounds worsened. Luis lost five months in age, his hair almost entirely disappeared, and his coherent speech now gone; all he could now is babble. “What” Pam said in shock. “What is happening to my baby now?” She screamed as Luis expanded not just in weight but in height as well to elephantine proportions. “He is turning into an even bigger baby!” Nick said with derision. “What a joke” Pam shouted, “Yes your joke your yoke joke” Nick said rather cleverly, “He sees everything as a joke, but now he is the biggest joke in the world! “You think you are so funny Nick” Hugh added. “Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, come on up and see the biggest, fattest, puffiest baby in the world, the mammoth mammotherpt! Hurry, hurry, hurry!” Nick announced as if he was a ringmaster. “Do they even make diapers his size?” Pam asked. “Well, it was always difficult to fit a diaper on him, he was quite the chubby one when he was a baby.” Hugh said, “it was diaper after diaper, talk about diaper disservice” Pam added exasperatedly. “We do have Lumpies Extreme, diapers just for him” Nick suggested. He pointed out the package. “The baby on the package looks … so familiar” Pam told her husband. Brief pause. “Oh dear, they need to de-juice him” Nick said faking concern. “Is that going to be a simple operation?” Pam asked. “Maybe, maybe not” Nick said. “Our baby, (broods again) ugh, now I know I am going to be sick” Pam said. “We will sue you for this Nick, mark my words!” Hugh threatened, “Alright, elves, escort his parents out. (To the parents) Do not worry, no harm will come to him. He will still be a baby, obviously no way ever around that, but he will still be small but large, swollen and obese, no more different than he ever was. … Just a little bit more different for the wear.” “What are you going to do with our son?” Pam asked. “Do not worry madame, he will be in good hands and safely returned, but maybe he will be great for my stand-up acts and my freak show expositions, but people will not be laughing with him, they will be laughing at him, all over the world!” Pam and Hugh looked shocked.

Hugh and Pam left, returning home, furious and sad. “He will come home soon honey do not worry” Hugh assured Pam. Pam started to sob. “Our baby, our baby boy” Pam blubbered. Hugh consoled her. Back at the shop, after some time has passed. Luis was no longer a giant, but he was still pint sized. He did get to increase in five months though being able to speak again. He was confused about what was going to happen next as he feared the worst. “O-k, put him on the platform” Nick said threateningly. Elves started surrounding him, a little more menacingly now, Luis flapped his hands and screamed things such as, “No, get away from me”, “Don’t do that – stop”, “Let me go”, and “Leave me alone”, suddenly Santa pressed a button and Luis was frozen, he was now a baby lawn gnome. Days passed, his parents gave up hope and enforcement declared it as a neighborhood tragedy. A strange gift stood on the porch on the day of January 23rd. A doll figure clown nosed. An unchangeable, indestructible, dishonorable lawn gnome who looked just like their own baby boy, dressed in a huge, obese, ballooned triple safety pinned diaper (and two underneath), New Year’s sash, enormous jester’s cap with pom poms, inflated arm floats, and a pair of wings, not being able to move but still think. “It looks like Luis” the father lightly said with his mother gently in tears, he continued, “Maybe set it in our manager display.” “Of course, we cannot let others see it dressed like that, that will be blasphemous, just so disrespectful” the mother replied softly scoffing his discussion but somehow being amused by such a thought. Her husband continued, “Of course, it will just be for us. We can get a new, more respectful-looking infant for the manager. Of course.” The mom with much love embraced the lawn gnome, thinking of her own baby son, and said with affirmed decision, “Yes, we need to hang onto this … you know, as a reminder, and when we are gone, let it go down in our familial generations, after all – once a baby always our baby.” “Heavy as always son” his father said mockingly pretending, giving a soft smile, Hugh and Pam put their new petrified baby on the front lawn for everyone to see, who had the most shocked and humiliated facial expression that was ever imaginable, as his parents kissed him on his diaper and gently patted the backside. "Honey, you and I both knew this was going to happen" Hugh assured Pam, "I know, we certainly had a hand in it" she assured him. “After all,” she continued, “A mother does know her baby.”

I hope you enjoyed my story. I hope it was not too creepy for you. Note: If for any reason the material in this story has offended any reader for any reason, I apologize for that, it is not the intent of this at all. It is a cautionary tale, I have decided to put together a moral for growing up and not acting your age, and this story is purely fictitious. It is not based on any of my actual experiences, and any similar or strikingly similar occurrence it may have for someone who reads this story is strictly unintentional. Best to all.