Am I Dependable?

Bear with me, I am writing on my phone. Still waiting, praying, for my computer to be fixed.
Thank you to the person who left me the review on my last piece. That was very kind. I am not looking to be a professional.

Am I dependable?
I enjoy audio books. They feed my ADHD brain while I work on my diamond dots, puzzles, book nooks, sketches, sewing, crochet, or other small crafts. I am listening to Jinger Duggar Vuolos latest book about being a people pleaser.
As a young person I was the one people came to when they needed something done in a hurry. My peers came to me with homework questions, adults when someone was coming over and they needed housework done. Later on my friends asked me for rides or to pick someone else up. Since I was a working teenager my friends sometimes asked to borrow money, my parents would sometimes ask, my sister too. I always obliged, I loved these people and I wanted to be loved by them. Whenever my job called I was there, I worked at DQ from opening to closing 3 days a week then I went to school, I babysat, I ended up nannying for one of my professors. I was Miss Jenny on the Spot. If I was burnt out I wouldn't have known it, I was young and eager. I was the most dependable person I knew, I was also a matt that was being trampled to ruins.
I really enjoy Jingers books. She is young, she may have grown up in a Christianish home but she's only recently found God for herself. She is like Pilgrim from the John Bunyan book. She is on the path to heaven and recording the journey for others to read, not to judge her but to be inspired by her.
As an older Christian I have already learned the lesson on not being a people pleaser. I am learning however, that one can be dependable without being a matt for others to tred on.
For now, due to my mental and physical health limitations I am not the most dependable person. I may be super-excited for a potluck with my church group on Monday but praying for ten feet of snow by Friday so I don't have to go on Saturday. I may make plans to go visit my family in the winter but by March I'm canceling then changing my mind again in June.
Another challenge for me is finances. I work full time in health care. My job pays for our groceries and mortgage and I pay for my medical bills out of pocket (crappy insurance). I owe a lot of people a lot of money. I can't afford an out of State vacation.
I am trying to maintain my integrity so I need to pay my bills. I don't see this as people pleasing, it's dependability. I want my bill collectors to be able to depend on me, to trust that even if it's only $50 a month it's $50 a month they can depend on.
I am learning once more that I need to be more dependable when it comes to my church family as well. I have to balance my job with my calling to serve the Lord. As I said before, I am limited by PTSD and ADHD, these two disorders make me less than dependable.
My church is full of the most wonderful people. We came to this place in 2010 with no home, no job, very little money and an old beater car full of kids and stuff because we wanted to be a part of this church. I want very little else in this life more than I want to serve in this rural church in a small town in a farming community. I didn't know that within weeks of coming here my husband would become very ill, try to kill himself multiple times, and a host of other things but the church helped me. They gave me hope in Christ, they ministered to me when I was going through a hard time that lasted many years. I became dependant on them, a needy friend someone once called me.
PTSD is highly contagious. Taking care of my husband all those years gave it to me. I will go deeper in a later entry. I grew less and less dependable the sicker I became.
How does one regain dependability? One step at a time. Go to work on time today, then come home on time, get up on time for church, force yourself, tell yourself over and over that you will be thankful you did this.
My life is lived one second, one moment, one hour at a time most days. Don't beat yourself up for the slip ups, we are human, we are allowed mistakes. Try to do better next time. When you fall, and you will fall, brush off, get up, and keep pressing toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God. For me, the prize is if I am dependable, I can serve in the church, with the people I love.