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A classic "chase cartoon" style story between Predator and Prey. |
| [Introduction]
So, I was watching the "Wile E Coyote vs Tom the Cat" episode of Death Battle on Youtube, and it gave me an idea. What if, in my world of monsters and humans, there was an in-universe cartoon similar to these two shows in our world? Thus, this story was born! Wanda is a werewolf that is after one thing, and one thing only: the feeling of that stupid human Wayne sliding down her throat, and into her gut! But despite years of trying, she has yet to succeed. The is typically due to Wayne, despite his lanky and non-threatening appearance, being especially tricky and clever for a human. Wanda has tried every trick in the book to serve this human on a platter, but fails again and again, either from Wayne's trickery, or from her plan backfiring in some way. But even so, she always picks herself back up (sometimes literally) from the ashes of defeat and tries again. Despite her innumerable failures, you really have to admire her dedication, huh? |
| Before we begin, a few ground rules. 1. Wayne cannot get into an actual fight with Wanda, and can only cause her harm via trickery or traps. 2. Wanda cannot simply give up trying to catch Wayne, at least not permanently. 3. If Wanda actually does manage to capture Wayne, it also cannot be permanent. It must be in a way that eventually forces her to release him, or otherwise she is unable to actually devour him. (This will be sort of an episodic series. Think the original shorts, with a different setting each episode. This should make it more interesting than simply being set in the desert every time.) The Fast and the Furrious Atop a hill in some national park, Wayne lies on the ground with his eyes closed soaking in the warm comfort of the sun. At the bottom of the hill, from behind a tree, a lupine head pokes out and gazes up at Wayne as he naps, blissfully unaware of the danger he's in. Wanda licks her lips in hunger, imagining the various ways she could cook the human when she finally has him in her grasp. She tip-toes from behind the tree to the base of the hill, her hunger growing with each step. But in her haste, her one-track mind fails to notice a rather conspicuous pile of leaves on the ground. The moment she sets foot on the pile, it gives way, revealing a deep pit underneath. Wanda goes plummeting to the bottom, landing with a loud yelp! Meanwhile, Wayne smiles to himself at the sound of snapping sticks and his would-be predator falling directly into his trap once again. |
| Wayne got up, and walked over to the hole, and looked down. Wanda had managed to get to her feet, and had tried to climb out, only, the sides didn't have any purchases. Wayne sat down, his feet dangling easily five feet above the werewolf's head. Even if she reached up and jumped, he was safe enough. "Need some help?" he asked. "I'm going to get out of here, and get you," said Wanda. "Eventually, but it's going to rain soon, and you'll be stuck in a hole slowly filling with water," said Wayne. "Now, I got a nice rope that should hold you. I can tie it to a tree, lower it, and you'll be able to climb out." "And why should I believe you?" Wanda asked. "Because I'm getting bored of this whole chase thing, and I want to do something different," said Wayne. "A chat, for instance. I want to know why you keep chasing me. Heck, we might be able to work something out." |
| Wanda weighed her options for several moments, before reluctantly conceding. "Throw me the rope." Wayne disappeared for a few moments, before a long rope was throw over the edge of the pit, allowing her to climb out. The instant she made it to the top, she grabbed Wayne and laughed in maniacal triumph. "At last! I finally have him!" But as she prepared to devour him, she noticed something strange. The was a long cord attached to Wayne, that snaked across the ground and lead to the real Wayne standing several yards away, ready to push down the plunger on a detonator. It was only then she realized that what she had in her hands was actually an explosive decoy! KABOOM! Wanda stood there, her fur blackened by the explosion and smoking somewhat. She let out a growl that slowly built into a scream of rage. "WAYNE! WHEN I CATCH YOU, I'M GONNA ROAST YOU ALIVE AND DROWN YOU IN BARBEQUE SAUCE!" Her subsequent tantrum was heard all throughout the park, not that Wayne really paid attention to it. He'd heard it all before too many times to count. After finally calming down enough to regain her senses, she returned to her den, having been humiliated yet again by her ever-elusive prey. She glanced at a bottle of expensive wine she swore she would never open until she finally had Wayne for dinner, so to speak. "Someday." She sighed. "Someday." |
| "Or, we could talk now," came Wayne's voice. Wanda lifted her head, and looked around. "Over at the window." Wanda walked over, and found a walkie-talkie type device. "This better not be a trap." "If you're wondering if it's a trap, well, in this case, no," said Wayne's voice, coming out of the device. Wanda carefully picked it up, and pressed a button. "What do you want?" She let go of the button. "Well, I want to talk," said Wayne. "I mean, you've been chasing me since, what, High School, and yet, you've never been able to catch me, for one reason or another. It's getting boring. Too predictable." "What are you suggesting?" Wanda asked. "Well, I know of a great steakhouse that serves some exceptionally good steaks, as well as lamb, pork, venison, chicken, tuna, and so much more," said Wayne. "It's also a nightclub, with plenty of good music, and dancing. Might even get to enjoy me wriggling in your guts for a bit - you'd have to let me out though, as the place doesn't want one customer to eat another customer, unless the one getting eaten has already paid their tab, and that the one doing the eating can pay for their own, and or both tabs." "So, what does that mean?" Wanda asked. "If you want to eat me there, you'd better be able to cover what I owe, and I owe them a couple thousand," said Wayne. "Good news is, I can pay it off, if I want to. Better news is, you can't just use my card to pay it off if, along with your own, you eat me - that's theft after all." "I see," said Wanda. "So, why are you suggesting this?" "Call it a Truce," said Wayne. "I'm getting sick and tired of all this chasing. Besides, I figure that with some dinner and dancing, maybe we'll find something out about ourselves." |
| Um, Big Bad? You're kind of derailing the whole object of this story. Didn't you read the intro? Wanda hesitated for a long while. "Hello?" Wayne said "You still there?" Finally she responded. "Alright. But if this turns out to be a trap..." "You won't regret this." Wayne said. But unknown to Wanda, he'd had his fingers crossed as he said that. This would be his best trap yet. |
| I know - Wanda and Wayne are enemies. But Tom and Jerry had their Truces (and in many cases, they were actually friends). I don't know if Wile E. Coyote and Road Runner every actually had a truce that last longer than a gag moment - like when they went though smaller and smaller pipes, an realized that they were the size of mice and tried to reverse the process - mouse-sized Wile E. managed to "catch" a regular-sized Road Runner - unless you want to count the first Space Jam movie, where they did work together to a certain extent, and in Loonatics Unleashed, their descendants, Tech E. Coyote and Rev Runner, were good friends, teammates even. Likewise, there's Ralph Wolf and Sam Sheepdog, who had a very professional working relationship - on the clock, Ralph tried to steal sheep, Sam protected the sheep - but, off the clock, they were good friends. In short - in the inspirations behind this campfire, there are indeed precedents where Wanda and Wayne's counterparts had fun together - movies, music, eating (where the "Prey" was off the menu) - and even teamed up to deal with common foes, like when Tom and Jerry have to deal with Butch the Cat, and the Loony Tunes dealing with the Monstars in Space Jam It had to be a trap. There was always a trap. But, if Wayne was indeed buying a nice meal for her, Wanda felt that it might be worth her while. If nothing else, steak, and other meats, were more filling than the can of tuna she had in the cupboard. "So, when is dinner?" she asked, pressing the button. "7:00," said Wayne. "Should give you enough time to clean yourself off, and put on something nice. Thankfully, folks don't need to dress formal. Some don't even bother wearing any. Place values comfort." "That is generous," said Wanda. "Something to think on. Thank you." "See you later," said Wayne. The human chuckled. He'd made an arrangement or three in regards to Wanda's meal - each item she ate would have a pill that would cause the werewolf to belch, and would even slow down her digestion rate. If nothing else, it would guarantee that he'd have air in an emergency if Wanda betrayed the Truce, and had managed to scarf him down, and could escape without much harm. |
| (I don't know if I can stick to the guidelines, but I'll do my best.) Wayne was very nervous about this situation. Then, a large bear with a spherical body wearing a jean jacket emerged from the bushes. This was Harry, a friend of Wayne's. "So you got yourself in a pickle, eh?" He said. "I believe Wanda may be trying to catch me," Wayne said. Harry held out a bag of something and handed it to him. "What's in the bag?" Wayne asked. "It might be useful," Harry said. "It could give you a splashy headstart on your escape." Wayne looked puzzled. "Like I'll be able to walk on water?" He asked. "Not really," Harry replied. |
| Wanda, freshly scrubbed and wearing her best red bandana, stood in front of La Luna’s Fine Dining, a cozy little restaurant on the edge of the forest, the glow of lanterns reflecting off her eager yellow eyes. Wayne sat at a corner table on the outdoor patio under a string of lights, waving her over with a smirk. “Wanda!” Wayne called. “Table for two, just like I promised.” She eyed the surroundings suspiciously, expecting a rope snare to yank her into a tree or a pit to open under her paws. Nothing. Just the soft clinking of cutlery and the smell of steak, ribs, and garlic bread wafting on the breeze. Her stomach growled, reminding her she hadn’t had a real meal in days. She sat down, her claws drumming the table. “I’m only here for the food.” Wayne chuckled, sliding a menu across to her. “Wouldn’t have it any other way.” A werebat waiter arrived, dropping off a plate stacked high with sizzling steaks, ribs, and sausages for Wanda, and a small salad for Wayne. Wanda devoured the first steak in seconds, her tail wagging despite herself. She eyed Wayne between bites, suspicious but unable to resist the real food. “I don’t get it,” Wanda said between mouthfuls. “You know I’m gonna catch you someday, right?” Wayne sipped his water calmly. “Maybe. But you’d miss me if I was gone for good.” “Hmph.” She grabbed a rib, gnawing it down to the bone, eyes never leaving him. ~ ~ ~ As she reached for another sausage, she let out a sudden, sharp: “Hic.” Her eyes widened. “Hic!” A louder one, followed by another, and another, until her entire body jolted with each hiccup, puffing small smoke clouds with each burst. “What-hic-is-hic-this?” Wanda demanded, her ears flattening. “Oh, just a little something to slow your digestion,” Wayne said nonchalantly, swirling his water. “Helps avoid...awkward situations if you get ideas.” Wanda’s eyes flashed, and she lunged across the table, grabbing Wayne by the shirt with her claws. “You think this-hic-will stop me? I’m-hic-gonna-hic- eat you!” She opened her jaws, trying to stuff Wayne into her mouth, but each time she hiccupped, she coughed him back out, the force so strong it nearly knocked her backwards. Other diners began to watch, some recording on their phones, while the werebat waiter simply sipped his coffee, used to monsters causing scenes. Finally, Wanda managed to clamp her jaws over Wayne’s head, eyes wild in triumph...only for a massive hiccup to send Wayne shooting out of her mouth, across the restaurant, and into a decorative fountain with a splash. ~ ~ ~ Wanda staggered, panting, smoke rising from her ears as she hiccupped helplessly. Her fur was ruffled, and bits of steak clung to her bandana. Wayne emerged from the fountain, soaked but grinning, waving at Wanda. “Thanks for dinner, Wanda! Let’s do this again sometime!” Wanda clenched her claws, her eyes blazing with a mix of rage and embarrassment. She threw her head back and howled, shaking the restaurant windows. “WAYNE! NEXT TIME, I’M PUTTING YOU ON A PLATE WITH A SIDE OF MASHED POTATOES!” The werebat waiter handed her the bill, which read: “Dinner: $0. Embarrassment: Priceless.” ~ ~ ~ Later that night, Wanda stomped back into her den, still hiccupping softly, her bandana askew. She glared at her dusty “Victory Wine” bottle, claws twitching to open it. She reached for it...paused...and pulled her paw back. “Not tonight,” she muttered, collapsing onto her pile of blankets, a small, determined smile curling on her muzzle. “Hic.” She pulled a pillow over her head, but under it, she whispered: “Tomorrow, Wayne. Tomorrow.” |
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