Don't Settle

Prose poem letter to her beloved asking him to claim his joy and not settle for less.

My heart and mind overflow with the words I long to say to you.
Since the night you first kissed me, your face colors every thought.
Since the night you first held me, nothing feels whole anymore.
You knew things had changed, but the train had already left the station.

Slamming the brakes to a jolting stop, I walked away.
I wanted you to have your space to make the right decision for you.
It was the selfless and loving thing to do; I wouldn't have it any other way,
Despite the wind being knocked out of my chest, along with my heart.

I tried to move my mind forward, without your love, without you.
You'd reconcile and make things work — that's the best outcome, right?
Finally, I could get through a day without losing my breath now and then.
And then one day, the silence broke. The train inched ahead.

Our great connection drew you back to me, you said.
You'd lost sleep thinking about the choice you have to make.
But you missed me and our bond, so I opened my heart to you.
I shared parts of myself with you no one has ever seen. And the train slammed to a stop again.

We shared sweet moments together and your handsome smile shone brightly.
We talked and relished in each other's presence and peace.
You said you felt accepted and safe with me
And that you thought of the possibilities of what could be for us.

But your intent was still to reconcile — and things were improving.
Though you said you just want to be with me instead.
I know you're confused and conflicted, so I can't be angry.
But I can be frustrated and hurt that you hid things from me.

I've tried to be objective, saying the right things to support you.
But when you broke the silence, and were intimate in a way transcending the physical,
It entitled me to have a lot of feelings and say a few more things,
And I hope you hear them in the love intended.

You've sacrificed your happiness to protect and care for everyone.
You cared for your family at the expense of your satisfaction.
And I love that about you. I respect the man that you are.
You are honorable and good. You are what a godly man is.

Your sense of duty and commitment and obligation are strong
And that speaks to your loving heart and strong conscience.
But, my love, you are entitled to happiness without begging.
You deserve someone to want, crave, and desire you.

You deserve to be more than tolerated, as you told me, which hurt my very soul for you.
A spouse should want to let you in, to build emotional connections,
And those connections lead to the intimacy you crave and deserve.
You should not have to beg for that, my love. It should come freely.

My words to you are from the depths of my heart and out of my great love.
It devastates me to see you settle for crumbs and excuses.
Walking on eggshells or keeping quiet to keep the peace?
This isn't how love is supposed to be. And you know that.

Being a spouse and fulfilling marriage vows is quite different
From simply being married to keep up appearances or to maintain a lifestyle.
You've been faithful. You've done everything you can do
To be the husband you need to be so she will love you the way you need.

But is she doing that? Is she doing whatever it takes to keep you?
Is she sacrificing herself to meet your needs the way you have?
Does she want to fulfill her vows, or does she just want the perks?
The comforts of being married without the duties of being a wife?

My love, no doubt she's scared and that's why she asked for a chance.
And you are right to throw everything at it for one last shot.
I want that for you, so you know you've gone to every length to save it.
I want you to have absolute clarity in the decision.

You feel a responsibility to influence your family for the good,
And you have no idea how much I admire that.
You want to set an example of what a strong, godly man is and does.
And my love, you have. You are a godly father and husband.

You can set an example for your young family members and still claim your joy.
Show them how godly men handle things when life goes sideways.
How they don't cheat and don't just walk away,
But leave in peace, as friends, and with integrity.

My love, you're no doubt scared, and I cannot blame you.
Everything rides on this decision. Everything is at stake.
You want to have no doubts or regrets; I want that for you, too.
I know your spirit is torn and conflicted. Mine would be.

I need you to hear the words from someone who loves you very much.
Please don't settle for good enough or just okay.
Please don't think you're selfish for finally wanting and claiming your happiness.
Please don't fall into the pit of unrelenting obligation.

I've seen the joy in your eyes and the light in your smile
When your heart is truly happy and you've been loved correctly.
Don't settle unless she wants to give you that same brightness.
Don't suppress your needs and deny yourself joy.

Some people know how to get what they want.
Maybe being softer and kinder is a way to keep you on the string.
Playing to your sense of commitment and higher purpose perhaps grips your heart
And that's how she knows you'll stay.

I only want to see you happy — and fulfilled — and whole.
That's all I've ever wanted for you and for her.
I just have to ask you to please see that you are so deserving of more
Than whatever this is you've been receiving.