Swipe Right to Outer Space

A funny short story based on the theme 'Alien'.

Hi! I’m a female alien (that’s what you call us, right?) from a planet in the Andromeda Galaxy. I’m here to explore new connections—and ensure my kind continues to, you know…expand our horizons.

That’s what was written on her dating app profile. As a sci-fi nerd, I didn’t even hesitate to swipe right—although her photos were just moody spaceship shots and cosplay-style silhouettes. Honestly, that kind of weird just made her hotter.

And here she is now, sipping her cup of Flat White, looking exactly like the dream girl I’ve always fantasised about: long, pale blonde hair, almost glowing skin, sharp baby blue eyes, and a smile that hasn’t let up since she sat down.

“So yeah, I came to this place, like, 168 hours ago. There were twelve of us, and I’m the lucky one—I ended up here, in this region with fantastic drinks,” she says, after a long ramble about her ‘task’ as an alien. I love sci-fi, but… this might be pushing it. She still hasn’t mentioned a job, a hometown, or literally any normal human thing. Maybe she’s just eccentric. Or maybe she’s completely nuts. No way someone this gorgeous is also sane, right?

“So what’s your plan?” I ask, swirling what’s left of my drink. “Are you gonna release this story as a novel, comic, game, a movie?”

She blinks. “What story?”

“The story you’ve been telling me. It sounds like it could really take off—if you adapted it into the right medium.”

She nods thoughtfully. “Well, I’ve been telling the story through social media and dating apps.”

I laugh, trying to hide how serious I was. “That’s not enough. I mean, if you took this intergalactic stuff and made it mainstream, you could be rich. And famous!”

She tilts her head, eyes narrowing slightly. “Famous… does that mean more of your people would know about my people and our mission?”

I pause “...uh, yeah. Definitely.”

She lights up. “And with exposure like that, it should be easier for me to meet humans with high-quality seeds!”

“Ummm… I guess?”

She leans forward, smiling widely. “Okay then! Where should I start?”

Suddenly, my phone buzzes—it’s my mate Jared. I almost sigh out loud.

“Sorry, just a sec,” I say, already halfway to answering as I step away from the table.

“Yo, who’s that sheila you’re with? She’s a beaut!” Jared’s voice blasts through the speaker, which immediately sets off alarm bells. I glance around, keeping my voice low.

“What? Are you at the cafe?”

“Yeah! I’m lining up at the counter—can ya see me?”

I lean sideways, peering past the plant near the front window. “Ohhhh, yep. There you are.”

Jared’s voice cuts in. “You lucky bastard. Where’d ya meet her? Man, I don’t know how they change their hair and eye colour without contacts or dye, but on the whim like that? Now that’s wild.”

I blink. “What do you mean?”

“The chick right in front of ya. Curly red hair, green eyes, and cheekbones for days… now that’s my dream girl right there.”

I hang up and lower the phone. Then I glance at her…

…and freeze.

She’s still smiling. Same seat, same cup.

But now she looks just like how Jared described. I exhale slowly and swallow.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” she asks after five minutes.

“...You really are an alien.”

She shrugs. “Yeah? That’s what I’ve been telling you the whole time.”

“Well fuck me…”

Her expression brightens. “Finally! That was my task all along. So… my place or yours? And please, no protection.”