Little Pounding Heart

Little Pounding Heart
~ the feeling ~


Bright morning!,,and sunny days!,,
ah!,,
I was just thinking of these things when on a foggy winter morning ,just before the dawn ,searching for something,which is neccessity of life,something which is food for our soul!.
what!,
food for our soul ??,
but they say food is fuel for our body and worshiping the God is fuel for our soul,, bah !! ,,never i have believed in such mystic things,never i have supported such foolish ideas,never it has been possible for the soul to remain in body,without food,,,and every hungry tummy justified that statement.

I was now on one end of the wide street,,just looking to cross it,,it seemed simple to me in the very early morning when the devils are not roaming around,,but as my papa once told me,son!
"its not finished until u r done",i said ,"bullshit".
I never believed in such ideas,,but my little pounding heart was beating very fast , my heart seemed like a timer to me,,just few seconds left in it . Shredding the idea of timer i decided to cross the street , and then something blinded me ,,i think it was the fog.
something overcame my body,i was forcing my legs to jamm,but they were moving,first time in my life i experienced mysticism.
I was in the middle of the street and just when i saw a devil coming towards me, racing through the fog, and in fraction of seconds , i was feeling rolling of tyres over me, my last words were "bullshit",,but i was finished and done,,just like my papa,,who was dead now!

I was dead but i was feeling the hurt around me,i should have been with the god,as they say,but i was still living ,my little thing was still pounding , it was my heart which survived the the rollers and was still pounding,,i never thought a heart could survive without body,,but today was the day of disbeliefs.My heart had never been such happy, it was feeling the joy of isolation.There was no one to give him pain now,now i had no demands,i need nothing,and as they say "I was an entity".I was feeling like a supreme power of this world , like a GOD,i wanted to justify this beleif , but i thought can a thing which feels no pain , which wants nothing to survive , which cannot hurt anybody , can be the GOD , my belief converted into disbelief. If GOD would have not absorbed some pains from the world , the sufferings of living things of these world , the world would have not been the place to take birth for , but why ? , GOD does not absorb all the pain and make everyone happy for ever, i laughed at this idea , as i felt , " feeling of hunger only comes when there is no food" .

The traffic was growing , there was no one to pick me , the devils around were roaming,they were themselves fallen so low , so much low , how could they pick me up ,
but i knew sooner or later , someone will crush my heart and i will loose my entity , i will be with my god , and at that time i needed him very badly , i prayed him for his existence , i wanted something to love me after my pain ends , somethig which is so tender and kind , like , there is no one in this world , i was feeling the comfort of god arms and first time i thought that GOD was the fuel of soul , which broke my another disbelief . I laughed that today was the beraking of my disbeliefs and even myself . I felt that the day today was blessed , i was happy that i crossed the street and now i was waiting eagerly for a devil to roll on me and give me the ultimate pleasure of life , just like sex u feel some pain but u get ultimate pleasures .

As i was feeling these things , i saw a devil coming on the
target , i last time felt the pain of this living world , devil
was about to roll and i prayed to god for the last time , that never ever give such a dreadful end to anybody not even to a Rat like me,,,,

I was crushed...............ah!

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written by:
Ravinder Singh

"Little pounding heart" is a ~little~ work from the writer of "The Butcher".
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