Circus Monkeys -- Chap 4

CIRCUS MONKEYS
Chapter 4

I woke up the next morning to another beautiful, sunny day. There has always been something so amazing about waking up to the sunshine. I once again had the idea that I wasn't moving out of my spot. For a moment I held my breath, and listened to the outside. The low murmur of performers as they readied themselves and the scuffing of feet on multitudes of terrain were apparent.

I swung my legs over the side of the bed and propelled myself up into a sitting position, giving myself a good, long stretch (and yawn). Smacking my lips sleepily, I took the opportunity to properly get ready for the day. This meant I wasn't just going to rush out without shower or brushing my hair. Not that a brush could ever really help my crazy, thick, amber-colored hair.

As I lathered my hair, I couldn't help letting my mind travel back to the fun time I had the day before. I don't think Joshua, or even I, had really realized how much that day was going to mean to me. For the first time since I had been there, I was actually connected with the circus and the people around me. And much to my surprise, I found that I didn't mind so much!

Yet even as that thought traveled into my brain, I could feel my own stubbornness taking over. I had spent years and years hating the circus and the life of being in one for a reason - it destroyed people and families. I had lived through it first hand. I had made sure to keep my distance to keep myself safe.

With a quick turn of the knob, I stepped out of the shower and fashioned my towel around my hair turban style. With my hand, I smeared off the fog from the small mirror. It was just enough to see my face and if I had been a more poetic person, I might have wrote a poem from the utter turmoil I could see there. The fact was I knew I was being silly to hold a grudge on the circus when I was being forced to live in one.

"Live and let live," I whispered to my own reflection, quoting from the Paul McCartney song used for one of the James Bond movies. I softly hummed the tune as I brushed my teeth. As I removed the towel from around my hair and put it around my body, I knew what my real decision would be. Even though my mind wouldn't let me actually accept it until much later, I knew I sincerely had to thank Joshua for introducing me to everyone and everything. Without him there yesterday, or even those nights at the animal pens, I probably would never have come out of the trailer at all.

Once I was fully dressed and dried, I jogged over to his trailer. Half-way there I realized he would probably be in the tent practicing, but as I turned, I thought I heard his voice by the animal containers. So he was skipping out on practice to talk to Poppy! I smirked, and slinked over to the pens, fully prepared to catch him red-handed. But when I turned the corner and got sight of him, I stopped. It certainly didn't look like his voice was directed towards Poppy after all.

I could only see the back of her head, but she had thick blonde hair that was slightly wavy and ended just below her shoulders. She was slender. I could tell she was pretty without even looking at her face. Joshua was laughing, and she rested a hand on his arm.

Something inside me flared.

Hey, back off, Barbie, I thought and caught myself. Whoa, where did that come from? I didn't have time to question myself, for Joshua looked over Blondie's shoulder and smiled at me.

"Hey Lory!" He called and waved. Thankfully he didn't seem to think I was just sitting there staring at them. Even if that was exactly what I had been doing. I forced on a smile and walked toward them. The girl turned around. I could barely stop myself from dropping my jaw in awe.

Holy crap, she was gorgeous! She was like all those models in the magazines - after they had been airbrushed of all the imperfections. Her butter colored hair fell perfectly around her shoulders, and she had the deepest blue eyes that just peered into me.

I couldn't help hating her immediately, and that was before the introductions.

"Mallory, this is Tanya. Tanya, Mallory," Joshua said with a smile.

I gave a nod of my head as he explained that Tanya was Rupert's daughter. She was part of a family act and her job was to ride on the elephants, doing tumbles right on their backs. Her family had been off in some other circus for a while, but were back with Ringling for the rest of the summer.

Oh, so this was Tanya! I should have known, especially with the tone of voice Joshua had used when talking with Rupert. Great, that was just what I needed. Some drop-dead gorgeous gal doing spectacular tricks and having Joshua fawn over her, while all I could do was sit on the floor and eat popcorn. I again refused to ask myself why I was being so territorial about this guy, because I was sure I didn't want to know.

"It's nice to meet you," Tanya said, giving me an easy smile. I could only nod in response. Joshua then proceeded to explain to Tanya that I had arrived only a short time before. The tip of my shoe dug into the gravel as I kept my eyes firmly glued to the ground.

I ended up tagging around with them most of the day. I couldn't help but feel a little more than invisible - which gave me a terminal case of the sulks. It seemed as though I was either walking behind the two of them, or off to Joshua's side, but never between them. I soon learned not even to try to break into the conversation, especially when they went off into their "Oh my gosh, remember when...?" routine. I could have been trampled by a giraffe or eaten by a clown, and they wouldn't have even noticed. I don't even know why I bothered to stick around.

The fact was, I didn't know where I was going to go if I didn't tag along. My dad was being really good about letting me have my space, but it was clear he wanted me to get out and try to learn a little. I knew I wasn't going to feel comfortable walking around all on my own - especially since the chance of me passing Tanya and Joshua on the way was high.

"I can't believe you didn't keep in touch with me, you bum!" Tanya exclaimed. She swatted him on the arm playfully. Joshua held up his hands in surrender.

"I'm sorry! It's just that we were moving around so often that I didn't think it was worth giving you the new address if we would only be there for a week or so. It didn't occur to me that I wasn't going to ever settle down during the winter months."

I watched the two of them intently off the side. They were really comfortable around one another. There were no nervous hands, or stuttered answers. I couldn't help but notice how extra touchy-feeling Tanya appeared to be.

"How about you, Mandy, right?"

I stumbled, my body lurching foward. I had to catch myself heavily on one foot. My cheeks instantly blushed from embarassment. The alarm on their faces was enough for me to start babbling.

"Mallory, actually. Yeah, it's Mallory. Although, you know, some people tend to call me Lory. Nick-name you know..." If my cheeks were blushing before they were totally aflame now. "But - um. What was the question?"

Tanya smiled at me in a very understanding manner. She made it obvious that she was used to people stumbling and stammering in her presense. I felt my entire body tense as she explained her question.

"Where were you stationed during the winter months?"

It took a good few second for me to connect what she was asked. It seemed impossible but my embarassment was heightened yet another notch. My eyes flew to Josh before I locked them onto the interesting space just over Tanya's left shoulder.

"Actually, I'm not a performer. I - um, was just brought here to live with my father as my only non-circus relative died." I winced at the bitter note in my voice. Great, now I had to bring out the pity story. The last thing I wanted was to have to explain my sad story all over again.

"Oh wow. I'm very sorry to hear that," she paused. "I'm really suprised you're not a performer, you certainly have the body of a gymnast."

I blinked as Tanya turned and waved to some other long-lost friend who was chatting over by the big top. She properly acknowledged my grief without pressuring me for more and gave me a compliment as an apology for her mistake.

I sniffed. I still don't like her.

After what seemed like forever, she finally had to go off and help Rupert with something, leaving Joshua and me alone. I couldn't help noticing the really depressed look on his face the instant that Tanya had to leave. It was probably just becuase he realized he was stuck with little ol' me.

Oh, the horror, I was sure.

But his disappointment did seem to wither away, and he smiled at me.

"So, you guys are real close, huh?" I said, trying to act nonchalant. Boy, was that a failure. Even I caught the bitter note in my voice, and there was no doubt that Joshua grabbed it, too. I kicked myself and his eyes showed surprise. I lowered my eyes and waited for him to answer my question, I had really meant to kick myself only in my head.

"Uh, yeah I guess you could say that. Although, I only met her last summer - why?" He looked at me uneasily, seeming to dance around the question.

I didn't answer the question simply because I didn't know the answer myself. Instead I looked at my watch. It was well past noon.

"I should actually get going too," I said with a slight shrug and then looked up at him. "Don't you have some practicing to do or something?" I realized too late how accusatory it sounded. He blinked at me once, and then mumbled "Yeah, I guess." before walking off without even a good-bye.

I turned around and brutally kicked at the gravel. Ugh, why was I making such a stupid big deal out of Tanya? For crying out loud, he had known her longer than he knew me, and she had been gone for a year!

Here he was, the one person I could almost call a friend here at the circus and I was pushing him away. So what if he had a friend who happened to be the opposite gender? So what if they were attracted to each other? This was not the time to start acting like the high schooler I was. I didn't need a love interest - I didn't even want one! All I needed was a friend and it was obvious Joshua was willing to be mine. If I let him anyway.

I shook my head. I never even got the chance to thank him for what he did yesterday, and now it was too late. I growled to myself and walked back to the trailer. I didn't care what my dad said, I was staying in there the rest of the day.

Probably tomorrow too.

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