Together

          "Ju," he whispered in that voice that sent tingles running down my spine; sent shock waves of anticipation through me; that permeated me to my very soul, "Julia, I don't know what I did to deserve someone like you."
          He was, in every sense of the word : perfect. And he meant the world to me. David Fisher.
          We had started out as friends. He would call me up to go for a walk, see a movie, go out for a coffee. And I was always glad to hear from him. The first time it crossed my mind that we would be good together, I dismissed the thought immediately. But, as some persevering thoughts do, it began popping up in my mind at the most inopportune moments. And I began thinking about it more and more. Little did I know that he felt the same way.
          It started out like any other day. He called me up, invited me out to go to dinner at a restaurant. As usual, we got on fantastically, chatting about work, friends and life in general. That was when he asked me up. My heart screamed "yes," but my mind said "no." My mouth, which has let me down frequently in the past answered him :
          "I'd love to."
          And so I went up.
          He took off my coat, lightly grazing my bare shoulder with his finger-tips. I don't know if it was intentional or not, but the softness of his touch sent impulses of electricity through me, and I wondered if he could feel them too.
          The night was beautiful. The sky outside was clear but cold, a blanket of sparkling diamonds carpeted the sky. He made us both coffee and went to the kitchen to wash the dishes. I followed him, offering to help.
          We both washed the dishes, hands in the warm water. Our hands found each other's but neither of us said anything. I felt him move closer to me, smelling the scent that was unmistakably him. I turned towards him, my heart pounding so fiercely that I thought he could hear it. It was at that moment that he kissed me, softly at first, but growing in passion and urgency, running his wet hands down my back, through my hair. Caressing me, holding me. The softness and intensity of the feeling of his lips against mine sent explosions of joy, passion and fear tearing through me. His hold on me tightened as he broke the kiss. He had his arms around me so tightly, holding me as if he would never let go. Neither of us spoke, afraid to break the spell. It was just us, the faint glow of the dim kitchen light, the darkness outside and our soaking wet hands as we stood there together for a moment that lasted a lifetime.
          It was with his second kiss that he told me everything he was feeling. And I reciprocated in the only way I could truly communicate with him : I kissed him back.
          That night. I can not begin to describe it in words. His very glance, touch, was enough to set me on fire. We ceased to become to separate entities that night - we became one. The following days were the best of my life. I would wake up in the morning with him beside me. Once, on my way out to work, he presented me with a flower. That caused me to smile for the rest of the day. He was thoughtful, kind and loving. He would kiss me, turning my world upside down for a moment. My friends noticed the change in me, but I guarded my new found relationship jealously - I wanted to keep this secret to myself for a while.
          Our time spent together was blissful. We did not need to speak to each other, it was as if we could tell what the other was thinking. When he looked at me with those piercing blue eyes, I could swear that he was looking straight into my soul. We would simply walk, hand in hand. Sometimes his power scared me. I knew that he would never harm me, but I felt helpless in the face of his power; it seemed like there was nothing he couldn't do.
          While we walked that night, hearing the crickets sing their sweet summer song in the long meadow grass, he leaned close to me. I felt his warm breath on my neck and melted.
          "Julia..." he whispered my name, "I love you."
          I pulled him closer to me, his arms around my waist and brushed my lips against his. He held me, giving me a long lingering kiss which I returned. But I didn't say it back.

--*****~~~~~~!~~~~~~*****---

          I was worried about him. He had promised to call me, but he didn't. I knew he would never intentionally break his word, so I wondered what had happened. I called his apartment numerous times, but there was no answer.
          Finally I thought I would go out of my mind if I didn't know he was all right and I went over. I knocked repeatedly on the door and just as I was about to give up, he opened it, looking unkempt and dishevelled in his dressing gown.
          "Are you all right, darling?" I asked him, concerned by his appearance, "I was worried when you didn't return my calls."
          "I'm fine, fine," he replied, without meeting my gaze, "just fine."
          "Are you sure, I mean you....."
          "How many times do I have to tell you?" he snapped, "I'm fine. Just tired, that's all."
          I didn't like the tone of his voice, but persevered.
          "Would you like me to get you anything?" I asked him, "Tea, something to eat..."
          "No," he said sharply, "Just some rest will do fine."
          "Ok," I replied, "I guess I'll go then."
          "I think that would be a good idea," he said shortly.
          I silently begged him to call me back, to hold me in his arms, to tell me what was going on, to reassure me. To tell me that I needn't be afraid, that he cared about me, that he needed me and loved me. He closed the door behind me without even saying goodbye.
          The next few days were hard for me. I couldn't understand how he could just disconnect himself from me, after the amazing time we had shared. He didn't call me, he didn't turn up at his work any more, he totally shut himself off from the world. It hurt. He had promised that he would never hurt me, but he had. The one person I had trusted most in the world didn't seem to want to know me. I thought he could tell me everything, I thought we were as close as it is possible for two people to be. Obviously, I was wrong.

--*****~~~~~~!~~~~~~*****---

          I tried many times after that to get through to him, to get him to open up to me, to get him to be the David I knew, the David who had loved me more deeply and profoundly than anyone had ever loved me before. No. He would not communicate with me, and eventually stopped opening his door.
          My friends all told me to forget him, that there were 'other fish in the sea' that I was 'better off without him' but that didn't help at all. They didn't know the amazing person he was, and how he made me feel. But, after weeks turned into months, and still he wouldn't talk to me, I began to take their advice to heart and get on with my life. Still, I carried around the burden of 'what if'. I thought of him often, surviving on those memories of our time together.

--*****~~~~~~!~~~~~~*****---

          Many months had passed, but I still missed him. One early summer's morning, I was sitting in my apartment listening to the radio when the telephone rang. I immediately picked it up, but the voice on the other end was unfamiliar at first. The caller identified himself as Robert, David's brother. David had spoken of him often, telling me childhood stories of the things the two of them did together, but I had no idea why he would be calling me.
          "David needs you," was what he said. I did not know how to respond.
          "What?"
          "David needs you," he said again. "You know, he's taken this really hard, and the last thing he needs now is to loose you."
          "Wait, hold on - David's taken what really hard?" I was totally confused and beginning to feel the sensation of panic rising up within me.
          "He swore me to secrecy. Said it was the 'only way to protect you'. He said he cared so much about you, that he couldn't stay with you and hurt you."
          "What?" I said again, "I don't understand."
          Then the whole story came out. "David is sick, Julia. Very sick. He has terminal cancer and he's dying."
          This was impossible for me to comprehend - David couldn't be dying, he was still a young man, he was the strong one, he couldn't leave me.
          "He told me everything. He couldn't bear it if you saw him suffering, he thought the kindest thing to do in the long run would be to break up with you," Robert continued.
          "Wh-Where is he now?" I stuttered, unable to grasp the situation.
          "He's in the city hospital. He loves you, Julia, don't ever forget that."
          With that, the line went dead.

--*****~~~~~~!~~~~~~*****---

          The plop of mail landing on the doormat brought me back to some sort of reality. I leafed through them absently, coming to rest on one whose handwriting I recognised. I tore it open quickly, breathlessly.
          Inside was a simple drawing, and a note that said : 'go to the tree'.
          I knew exactly what he meant.

--*****~~~~~~!~~~~~~*****---

          When David and I were together, we would take long walks through the park nearby. The park had acres upon acres of trees and we would wander beneath them together. There was one in particular that we always visited. A huge oak, that must have been hundreds of years old, was the one we sat beneath every time we visited, dreaming hazy summer dreams, glad to be together.
          But there were no hazy summer dreams for me that day. I moved through the park with urgency, pausing for nothing. I did not know what I would find when I got to the tree, but I knew David.
          A lifetime later, I was there. And, pinned to the trunk was an envelope with my name written on it in his handwriting. I sat beneath the tree where we had sat so many times before and opened the envelope with trembling fingers. I pulled the piece of paper out and read his neat handwriting.

          Julia-
                    I hope that now you will
                    understand. I loved you too
                    much to let you see what I was
                    going through. Please forgive
                    me, for I will love you
                    forever.
                    My death can not
                    separate us, we are bound
                    together as tightly as it is
                    possible to be. I will always
                    be thinking of you, my darling
                    Julia. My love, my life, my
                    soul.
                              I love you with all of
                              my heart,
                                        David

          There was no way I could prevent the tears from falling, no way I could hold myself back. I sobbed with all the pent up anguish that had been contained within me. Getting up, I ran, blinded by my tears to the edge of the park. I don't remember how I got across town to the hospital.
          Rushing in, breathless, face streaked with tears, I asked the receptionist where I could find David Fisher. She gave me the floor and ward without question. I ran up the stairs as quickly as I could.
          Flying through the doors, I came face to face with a man who only could have been-
          "Robert," I said breathlessly, "where is he?" I was so glad to be there, that I didn't register the expression on his face, "I need to see him."
          "He's gone," he said, "he's gone."
          Those words crushed my already weakened spirit. I slumped to the floor, sobbing uncontrollably. He was gone. I would never see him again. Robert cried with me, unashamed to shed his tears. I gasped to take in a breath, to steady myself. But it was impossible.
          "The worst part is," I said, "I never got to tell him that I love him too."

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