SONNY & CHER - GERIATRIC VERSION

(This is what you were supposed to see in Baltimore at the convention)

“The Beat Goes On” plays. Sonny & Cher make their entrance; Cher from the left…Sonny from the right.

[MUSIC CUTS OUT AS THEY MEET]

(In reality, while Cher took the stage, Sonny was busy working with the roadie to get the CD-player going, so poor Cher had to wing it for a minute. As it was, Sonny ended up on the wrong side of Cher.)

Sonny: Well here we are in Beautiful Baltimore, at the ‘Stories.Com’ Convention.”

Cher: Real thrilling Sonny.

Sonny: Well…look at all the people out there. Isn’t that the Story Master & Mistress? They don’t look too Lively tonight. Ya know he reminds me of a television star. Hummmm, what was his name??? Oh yea, Mr. Ed!

Cher: That wasn’t nice Sonny.

Sonny: Just kidding. Gee, there are more people in this audience than there were last night.

Cher: (She says nothing, looks at the ceiling.)

Sonny: Ahem, gee, there are more people in this audience than there were last night.

Cher: Ok, I give up, where were you last night?

Sonny: (smiling) I performed at the White House.

Cher: (looking at the audience) That’s funny, you don’t even perform at our house……..at least not like The Milkman does.

Sonny: (putting arms around Cher & saying in a sexy voice) I performed pretty well for you last week my little Dingo.

Cher: You Wannabe careful and watch your content rating. We’re not in the right forum.

Sonny: (putting his arms back around Cher) The right forum will always be the forum you’re in my love.

(This leads into the song “I’ve got you Babe”. Song plays the entire length. As a result of Sonny being on the wrong side, when he came to the line about giving Cher the ring on her finger, the hand he lifted was bare.)

After song:

Sonny: If I give you 5 stars for your performance tonight, will you give me 5 stars too?

Cher: First of all, this performance is under one portfolio Sonny, and what your suggesting is not legal. (Then looking down the front of Sonny making it obvious what she’s looking at she says) “5 stars…are you joking? More like one Peanut if you ask me.

Sonny: Oh, by the way, woman, I meant to ask you before, what did you do last night?

Cher: (smiling suggestively) I was working on a movie with Nicholas Cage.

Sonny: Oh brother, you'd better come back down to Earthwoman.

Cher: It must be the lights in here…I suddenly feel warm all over.

[SONNY REACHES DOWN AHD PICKS UP BOTTLE OF WATER AND HANDS IT TO CHER.]

Sonny: Here drink a bottle of Waterbaby.

[Cher takes sip while Assistant start at low volume so we talk over it]

As the music starts to play for ‘The Beat Goes On’

Sonny: Gee we’re good. We’ll have to beat the fans off with a stick.

Cher: And if we don’t get out of here now, It’ll be the fans beating us with a stick.

Sonny & Cher: (arm & arm) Good Night everyone.

[MUSIC GETS LOUDER]

Singing “As the Beat goes on” She exits to the left…he exits to the right.

[CUT OFF MUSIC TWO SECOND AFTER WE DISAPPEAR.]

(As it really happened, the two intrepid performers fled the stage as fast as possible, ducking desserts and boiled potatoes being hurled by the audience.)