Journal

Thought this might be good discipline for forcing me to write on a regular basis. And it's a lot cheaper than the therapy which I feel in need of every time I think that maybe I'll never smoke again... My quit date was Friday 1st April (yep, All Fools Day), although I can't bring myself to think that I've actually quit - sounds far too scary and final!


11th April 2005

Have just logged on to "Silk Quit" to check my quit meter. Apparently, since Friday 1st April (my arbitrary date for trying not to smoke) I have avoided smoking 435 cigarettes and have saved myself - at ridiculous UK prices anyway - a grand total of £108. Am less impressed by the supposed amount of my life saved - I mean, what can you really do with that extra 1 day and 12 hours? - but I suppose you've got to start somewhere and hopefully the quality of life might have improved too.

Today was really tough - though not as difficult as last night. It was back to work after the long Easter holiday and, I have to admit, returning to work is never my favourite thing. I also had developed plenty of confidence that I could enjoy myself on holiday without the aid of cigarettes but I really wasn't sure I could handle those back-to-work blues without my usual nicotine crutch.

To my surprise though, I've actually managed. I enjoyed passive smoking as I sat and chatted to a colleague who smokes my old brand but I didn't feel like I wanted to light up. One thing that really surprises me about this technique is that you can still enjoy being around smokers, cigarettes and ashtrays without feeling horribly deprived.

When I start to feel a particularly bad craving starting up, I remind myself that I'm free to start smoking again at any time. That's USUALLY enough to make me feel fine. Just occasionally (and this happened a LOT last night), I lose sight of the fact that I'M choosing not to smoke and this mkes me feel like a rebellious teen. Actually, no - like a tantrum-throwing toddler. When I forget that I actually have a choice about all of this, I want to be completely immature and say, "Fuck it!" and then light up that B&H bad boy.

Right, am going to search other journals or blogs for tales from addicts and ex-addicts. If you read this, please rate/review it!