How?

How can I move on?
You haunt me day and night,
In dreams and in life.

How can I live?
Your shadow falls across me,
A shadow I must surpass or be sucked into,
To life a life of solitude and anger.

How can I avoid you?
You're ashes, should be easy to forget,
And yet I can't.
You haunt my days,
And plague my nights with dreams hard to forget.

How can I be normal?
You made me older than i ever wished to be,
I feel 38 when I'm only 13.
I don't fit in,
You made sure of that.
Some kids look up to me,
Some think I'm odd.

How do you think I feel?
You sat like a queen,
Made me do the chores.
You had your whiskey,
While I did the work,
You never did care.
Now you're gone,
No peace to be made.
Last words said were thrown in your face,
Born form anger and pain.
I had a great plan,
We were to run away,
To where we would be safe,
If only for a while.
You weren't supposed to die,
Yet, you did.

How can I forget?