The day I said goodbye

When I was seventeen, I fell in love with a girl named Aubrey Reynolds, but little did I know that now that I was in love I was only going to lose her...forever.
I remember the day more vividly then any other. I tend to play it back in my mind more often then I'd please. It was the day I said goodbye to Aubrey Reynolds. Or maybe it was what I didn't say.
It was a cold and foggy morning in June, to be exact and I was sitting on my bed, looking over the empty ora of my bedroom. My bookself was cleaned of all my favorite novel's. My desk, cleared of innocent paper's and pens that were harmlessly laying around. My bed was made but it didn't matter, I wouldn't be sleeping in it that night.
I stood and exhaled my forever breath then closed my eyes. Hoping, wishing, wanting...it all to be a bad dream. But, as I opened my eyes...I knew that I would never see that place, again.
"Kristian...Come on." My aunt called up the stairs, her voice obviously weak.
The night before my aunt had cooked me favorite meal, one last time. The four of us sat around the table, wordless as is we had forgotten how to speak. As I sat there I looked over at my Uncle Neil. His head was bowed from sight, and his food sat untouched. I felt bad staring at him, and right as I went to look away he raised his head as if to know what I was thinking at the moment. And for the first time in my life, I saw tear drops flowing from his blue eyes. My Uncle Neil...was crying. By this time my aunt had confessed to her tears as well, and the reality of it all never hit me until I saw them crying. My Uncle Neil...loved me like a son.
I walked down the stairway, a suitcase in one hand and a backpack slung over my shoulder. But I felt like crying as I walked, for on the wall were baby pictures of myself. They bought back memories, some good, other's not so pleasent, but every memory of that place I wanted to cherish as long as I lived. I stopped at the third step from the bottom, for it felt like my feet had been glued to the floor. There on the wall, was my senior picture. A lump grew in my throat as a looked at it, and it wasn't until my uncle cleared his throat that my attention was brought to them.
They were waiting by the front door, Kyle beside my aunt. We had agreed from the night before that I would perfer to walk to the bus stop. I had a lot the think through, and I wanted to be alone.
"Well," I stated quietly, not knowing what to say.
"I packed a lunch for you in case you get hungry." My aunt replied handing my a brown paper sack.
"Thanks." I choaked out.
"If you need anything, Kristian..." My uncle began, showing his lack of self-control.
"Don't...don't hesitate to call."
"I won't." I could barely answer.
Kyle was along side of my aunt, and I glanced down at him. He too had tear drops runnning, making there way down his cheeks. He reached a hand up to wiped them, then looked up at me.
"Kristian..." He began. "I'm gonna...I'm gonna miss you." His words repeated over and over in my mind to the point of redundancy. Kyle, sweet Kyle, was going to miss me. At that moment, I knew I had a heart, becuase I felt it breaking. It had been broken from the beginning, but now it was shattered even more. I never knew saying goodbye to Kyle would hurt that bad. I never knew, that I would indeed never see him again. And I never knew how much I loved him, until that moment.
"Will I ever see you again?" That had been one the questoins he had asked me from the night before. After dinner Uncle Neil and Aunt Beverly went straight to bed. Both of them were over exhausted and both had red swollen eyes. However Kyle and I sat in the living room in silence. The grandfather clock chimed eleven then the room went back into hussness, with only the natural sound of the ticking clock. He saw sitting on the sofa, staring off into space, his eyes totally avoiding me across the room in the rocking chair.
That was when he said it.
"Will I ever see you again." I knew the turth and I debated if I should tell, but the look in his eyes was nothing I could tear down.
"Of course you will." I lied. He turned his eyes from me as if you look at me hurt him in some sort of fasion.
"I'm never going to see you again, will I?" He asked again his eyes not meeting mine.
It was true. I wasn't ever going to see Kyle again. The words stuck out in my mind as I tired to comprehend the reality of it all.
"No." I finally answered, in a whisper.
"Not ever." He asked in a cracked voice.
"Not..." I began fighting for my virtue.
"Not ever." I finally let out in a breath.
He was quiet as he sat there staring at the wall as if there as something of interest on it. That was when I saw tear drops began to slide down his cheeks. Kyle...was in tears.
I will never foget the night, nor anyother element from that day. I will never forget walking down the stairs realizing that I would never do it again. And I will never forget how hard Kyle had cried. I rocked him in the chiar I was sitting in as if he were a small child. His face was buried in my shoulder, and he sobbed and sobbed until he was too exhausted to cry anymore. At four a.m. I carried his limp body to his bed. He sniffed and hicupped like he was gasping for air. I laid him down and through his quilts over him, he was asleep with in a instance. However for me sleep was next to impossible, I sat in his desk chair difting to sleep once in a while, but everytime I closed my eyes I saw...her.
But now he stood before me, and asked me the same questions. His blue eyes caught my own telling me that his heart was broke. I knelt on one knee and took him into my arms for one last hug. Again, he buried his face into my shoulder and cried harder then he had before. He already knew the answer to his question...and so did I.
I released him relunctantly, and stood grabbing for my suitcase.
"It's not fair!" Kyle yelled, running up the stairs while I was in the misted of this. That was when I realized it, like a beam over the head. It wasn't fair! Nothing in my life had been fair. I was leaving becuase I had to, want had absolutly nothing to do with it.
I hugged both my aunt then my uncle for one last time. I looked back at them as I stood in the walkway, and for only a moment everthing seemed to be frozen. Altough I had only been standing there a mintue, the vision of my aunt and uncle watching me with wistful eyes was enough to last a life time.
"Bye." I whispered.
My breath shown in the air as I walked to the front gate. The sky was overcast and rain drops trinkled from above. I looked up to the sky, my eyes closed wishing agian for it to all be a nightmare. As I opened my eyes I found myself looking right at Kyle. He was in my bedroom, and I could see him watching me through the window. I lifted my arm in a wave motion, and he ran his hand over the glass, like he wanted to touch me...one last time. Then, he was gone. The drapes had been closed, because to look at me was like watching part of his life be erased...forever.
I took most of my bottled up anger out on a stone along the sidewalk, and soon I approached the high school. I couldn't believe that just two days earlier I had been in that building. I stood at my locker, for the last time, cleaning it of text books and paper's. As I did this, Aubrey passed me by, wordless. She had heard the news of my leaving, actully everyone had heard.
"Aubrey." I called, but she just kept walking, as if I didn't even exist.
I wanted to say goodbye to her, but that was my only chance. I wanted to say I was sorry, for all the pain I had caused her. I wanted to take her in my arms and kiss her breathlessly, never letting her go. But the vision...of her back turned from me, acting like she hadn't heard me, replays in my mind, each one...more painful then the last.
Aubrey...was hurting. I was hurting. Her heart was broken and mine was shattered beyond compare. Why did it have to happen to me? Why here? Why now? Why Aubrey?
I arrived at my bus stop, but I still had ten mintues to spare. The fog was still thick as I sat down on the bench and placed my suitcase be side me.
I could hear a robin somewhere in the distance, but it's exact location was next to impossible. I rested my head back on the bench still not wanting to believe the truth, so I closed my eye, again, and when I closed my eyes...I saw Aubrey.
She was wearing a purple dress, no, the red one. Yes, her dress was red silk, and the seam line was to her kness. The top was held up by two thin straps upon her shoulders, and they were covered by her naturally wavy black hair. She was smiling at me. Her blue diamond eyes gleaming as well. In her fingers she held a rose to match her dress. It must've been the twin to the one I gave her. She was beautiful. And if it had been possible, I would've stayed on the bench...for the rest of my life. Just looking...at the most beautiful thing in reality.
"Kristian." I thought I heard.
"Kristian." I opened my eyes slowly, now to see it was raining heavier then before.
That voice. I knew it, but everything in me couldn't believe it. I turned around, slowly, ever so slowly, thinking that I was still in a fantasy.
But I wasn't. For there behind me, only a couple of yards, stood Aubrey. Beautiful Aubrey. My...Aubrey.
I stood, for the bench couldn't hold me back, I went to her thinking I could in fact kiss her breathlessly, but I froze in a dead hault.
For the first time since I had known her, I saw tears flowing from her blue eyes. My Aubrey...was crying.
She seemed to give in letting her emotions come crashing down. Her arms wrapped around my neck and she buried her face in my chest.
"Don't go Kristian. Please don't go." She pleaed, her voice muffled in my jacket.
"I have to." I whispered into her hair. She lifted her head and her blue eyes caught my own. A weak smile spread across her lips. Then, she kissed me, gently as if it were a breath of fresh air.
"Then take me with you." She whispered. But I couldn't. She knew it, I knew it.
"I can't." I replied, ever so simply it hurt.
Again she buried her head in my chest and a knew round my tears began to flow.
"Please don't, Aubrey." I begged, lifting her chin.
"Please don't cry. My heart is already shattered." I kissed down her cheeks and over her lips. Kissing the tears away as they fell, but more spilled in place.
"I've lost you forever." She answered weakly.
"No, I promise...I will come back for you." I held her cheeks in my hands and looked into her eyes, my thumbs wiping away the tears. She closed her eye lids at the felt of me.
"I have something for you." I replied. Aubrey looked at me blankly.
"Come with me." I said, leading her over the the bench, and to where my backpack laid. The zipper made its natural sound as I opened it and pulled out my gift.
"Kristian." She stated dumbfounded.
"Your drawings. I can't..."
"PLease." I broke in, wrapping my arms around her.
"Please oh please take it." She looked at the notebook then at me. And again, slowly a weak smile spread across her lips.
As I young boy my father would beat me. He beat me from age three to age six, but at age seven. It didn't hurt anymore, nothing seemed to hurt anymore. But as I stood there holding her, everything seemed as if it had been put on pause. And the only things moving were her and I. Her eyes widen as she looked at my face knowing the story about my childhood. And then I felt it, I felt tears begin to slide down my own cheeks. I hadn't cried in ten years, but tears fell one after the other. I...was crying. Her fingers traced over the outline of my face and lips. Her thumb wiping the drops as they came, and her lips kissing mine.
That was when we heard the bus pull up behind us. She pulled away from me and looked deeply into my eyes.
"Kristian, take me with you." she began.
"I-I-love you."
Her words repeated over and over in my mind. All I wanted to do at that moment was take her into my arms and tell her how much I truly loved her. But to this day I still can't believe what I said to her.
"Go home Aubrey." She froze for a moment, as if she hadn't quite heard me. Then she bowed her head from me, and nodded because she knew I was right.
I felt her eyes on my back as I walked up the to the bus, knowing, but not wanting to leave.
"Here ya are sonny." The driver handed me my receipt as he said this.
I sat down at my spot, and looked out the window, but she was no longer there. I traced my hand over the area where I had held her, as if to remeber her forever. But now she was gone. When I first saw her I was afriad to talk to her. When I talked to her I was afriad to like her. When I liked her I was afriad to love her. And now that I was in love with her I had lost her.
So people remember when there wildest dreams come true. But my dream will never come true. I was in love with Aubrey Reynolds that day. And I'm still in love with her now.
I always knew looking back on the tears would make me laugh, but I never knew looking back on the laughs would make me cry. And if my dream did come true I would take her into arms and truly... never let her go.
So what dream could be as impossible as this. My dream. I would turn back time. Like the hands of a clock turning in the wrong direction, back to the day I said goodbye to Aubrey Reynolds.