Dreams for Sale

DREAMS FOR SALE



FOR SALE: WILL MAKE
ANY DREAM COME TRUE.
A F F O R D A B L E
DIAL; 1-800-555-1234

That was it, an entire advertisement hidden in with the others in the Sunday Paper. I don’t recall quite why I was reading the ads that day, maybe for something to do, probably out of boredom. The point is – I read it.
I consider myself a writer, not what most would call an author. I suppose you have to have something published to be called an author, anything really I suppose. Anyways, it seemed I was in what I affectionately term “God’s Gift to the World”; a writer’s block. . I couldn’t even compose a letter about the local weather to my best friend, but I digress. Here was an idea staring me in the face. A stupendous story idea that I could develop into a prize winning novel and gain instant fortune and world acclaim and be….., but again I digress.
Simply, I was going to write a book, not just any book, but a novel, about this down and out two bit writer who sees this advertisement, {no, discovers this advertisement}, answers it, then gets swept away into a dream world; a true existing world of her own fantasies. The novel would contain adventure, romance, peril, an escape from death scene {or two}, a gorgeous hero, a beautiful heroine, everything and anything I could imagine.
But, THAT was the problem. As “God’s Gift to the World” was still upon me, I had this stupendous idea and no leads, except for one. So I dialed… 1-800-555-1234 …and it was BUSY! OK, so I counted to ten and hit the redial just so I could get the following recorded message:
“You should congratulate yourself on passing step one. If you wish to continue and wish to receive information, please contribute $50.00 to your favorite charity and bring the receipt to the time, date, and place indicated.”
There was a few seconds pause, I guess for the caller to get paper and pen so that the required information could be written down. I, of course, was prepared.
“Using the first letter of your last name, bring your receipt to time and place as indicated…. A bring….
I listened off and on as the voice droned on through out the alphabet. I checked occasionally until I heard Q, then R, then I paid attention to…
“S – Come to the Old Campbell building parking lot on Main Street by the front entrance three days from the date of the advertisement. Please arrive at 6:47 in the morning. T…”
I hung up. 6:30 in the morning was to early to be standing in an empty parking lot of a condemned building and to someone flat broke, $50.00 seemed a fortune, but the novel kept reappearing in my thoughts. I rationalized that the money could be an investment. {Well, technically it could.} So…
Monday afternoon I withdrew $50.00 from my already beleaguered checking account and contributed the entire amount to the American Cancer Society, graciously accepting my receipt; acting as if I were being awarded the ‘Nobel Prize for Literature’. I placed the receipt in a plain white envelope marked “Payment for Dream.” I figured I’d get in a little practice on some ideas for ‘the novel’. Well…
Tuesday night I went to bed early, OK, earlier then was my normal time and at…
5:00 am on Wednesday morning when my trusty alarm clock buzzed and buzzed and buzzed, I slammed it off and went right back to sleep. Fifteen minutes there is another obnoxious buzzing sound and more slamming, so one and on and on…. of course in ‘the novel’ I would have already been in the shower and would never have heard the clock go off in the first place. Anyways…
Grabbing on the first clothes I find, an old ragged pair of ripped jeans and wrinkled shirt, off I went vainly trying to stuff the strings of my tennis shoes in as I am also shoving in feet sans socks, all the while thinking I am saving time. I know. I know. And yes, in ‘the novel’ I would have had on a starched skirt and blazer with a ruffled silk shirt and would have looked more stunning then just plain stunned. I would have arrived on time with my dignity in tact, but in reality I hoped no one would see me and I would just arrive on time so at…
6:30, speeding like a demon into the parking lot of the Old Campbell Building, {it is the Campbell Building? Yes!} I jump out of my car after coming to a screeching halt, and race to the front entrance just to find a plain white envelope with a beautifully scripted “S” on the front. Somehow knowing it is for me, I remove the envelope and take out the card from inside and read:
“Congratulations, you have
just passed Step Two.Put
your receipt in the
envelope and keep this
card. Please place the
envelope {and your receipt}
back where the envelope was.
Thank you. Sincerely yours,”

That was it?! I could not believe it! Of all the low down, absolutely, disgusting, nasty tricks to …then ‘the novel’ flashed through my over wrought mind, so calming my temper and releasing y favorite invective, I left my receipt in the envelope. I replaced the envelope where I found it and yes, I kept the card. I returned to my car and went back home and yes again, just as fast as I had gotten there. I was home by 7:15 and back in my warm bed asleep by 7:20. Then at…
7:45 there is this ringing noise. I turn over and slam the alarm clock down on the nightstand. Still there is this ringing, so I turn over bringing my pillow over my head to drown out the horrid noise and go back to sleep. At…
8:00 the phone rings. {So that’s what that was.}. I stay asleep happy that I solved the mystery of the ringing noise and at …
8:05 the phone rings again and I let it. The at …
8:10 Ring, sleep, ring, roll over and still sleep…
8:15 the phone is going to keep ringing until I...
“Hello?”
“Hello. Is this Lorraine?”
“Yes…”
“Your receipt cleared.”
“Receipt?”
“Yes, congratulations on having passed Step Three. If you would kindly come to 1017 East 5th St just the corner of Pine Dr tonight at 11:47 we can begin your dream. Thank you.”
Click…
“Hello?”
“Hello?!”
Slam!
I defiantly could not get back to sleep even if I wanted to, so with paper and pencil in had I begin to compose chapter one of ‘the novel’, now dubbed the “Great American Novel’. It seemed that ‘God’s Gift to the World’ was lifting.
Lunch was a quiet affair, a light repasse of beanie weenies, followed by a long nap. No one, especially me, knows what the next step is, but I was not going to fall asleep right in the middle of it. It would be embarrassing to trip up and fall. {All right, bad pun!} Anyways…
A small private dinner of my favorite foods, a hot shower, a beautiful dress, perfect hair, perfect nails, exquisite… doubt! What if I had to do…something…. say…physical. Oh well, I stuff my faded jeans, wrinkled shirt, dirty mismatched socks, and tennis shoes in my duffle bad and throw the lot of it into the passenger seat. I still look good and I’m prepared, the perfect compromise. With a stenographer’s notebook in hand, several pens, and my car keys in hand, I am ready to go. So at…
10:30 I leave home. Unsure of the exact location, even if I have lived in this town my entire life and should know every street, I do not wish to arrive late because I get lost as usual, but still manage at….
10:45 to arrive. A few trips around the clock – one hundred and fifty seven to be precise and it is...
11:40 and so I get out.
“Now what? Stand around? Knock on the door? Knock? Good idea!” So I...
Knock… and wait… and knock… and wait…
The door swings open before I can knock again. It seemed I had just entered the “Twilight Zone” complete with music. Hopefully not! That movie scared the bageebees out of me. {Yes, it is a word….} In front of me there is a hallway extending back into the recesses of the house with doors on either side. It was kind of reminiscent of the old comedy movies where the chase is one and everyone goes in and out of doors just not always the same as they went in. Anyways…
With my duffle bad slung over my shoulder, pen and paper in hand, I completely enter the hallway and once I release the handle, the door closes by itself behind me. This is definitely more along the lines of Alfred Hitchcock.
“Now what? Stay Here? Leave? Yes, leave. Second good idea of the night.” I turn around and there is a...
Small white envelope, with a beautifully scripted “S” on the front, attached to the door. Feeling a sense of de je vue, knowing it is for me, I remove the envelope and open it. I take out the card inside, barely managing to catch the key as if falls out. {All right, already, I dropped the key and when I bent down to pick it up I dislodged the duffle bad, which in turn dislodged me and I fell flat on my…}
“Congratulations! You have
passed the final step.Turn
back around and choose your
dream. Your key will fit the
door to your dream and all
your fantasies will come true.
Please replace the card in the
envelope, but retain the key.
After all it is yours. Happy
fortune. Henry”

“Henry? Who’s Henry?! Who cares?” So with the key in my hand I turn around to…
Indecision. “Which door is mine?” But without waiting for an answer, hoping I am right, I walk up to the second door on my left, insert the key, and…
“What if this is the wrong door and I get someone else’s dream? Could it be possible? No! The card said it would fit only my door.” So, turning the key I can hear the tumblers of the lock grating and the doorknob turns freely in my hand. I push the door completely open and enter. There in front of me is…

FOR SALE: WILL MAKE
ANY DREAM COME TRUE
V E R Y AFFORDABLE!!
DIAL: 1-800-555-1234

The very has been added at my request in the hopes of attracting more…

Dreamers.