Centered in His Arms

Centered in His Arms
by Magdaleine

I visited my friend Susan in Colorado Springs last February. She has taken an incredible spiritual journey that is still continuing and I was looking forward to spending time with her. I thought we'd spend our two days together talking and we did do lots of that, but she has a very busy schedule and invited me to join her in her activities. They were all Christian related and so I agreed, wondering what God might have in store for me.

The second event she took me to was to her centering prayer class. She had tried to explain it to me and was, I think, a bit nervous that I might misunderstand or not "get" it. But I had already been introduced to the concept by someone else and had been intrigued.

Centering prayer is something that has been practiced by Christians since the fourth century. Considered a form of contemplative prayer (that's not exactly accurate--if I understand correctly, this is a step towards contemplative prayer), it is better known among Catholics than Protestants. However, there has become a movement amongst many Christian denominations towards this form of prayer. The one who perhaps does the most teaching on it is Thomas Keating, a Cistercian who lives in a monastery deep in the Colorado mountains.

The idea, as I understand it, is that instead of coming to God with questions, requests and other agendas, we come to God merely to be in his presence. Those who promote this form of prayer would never suggest that other forms of prayer should not be done. On the contrary. Rather, the simple act of regularly coming into God's presence to enjoy it and nothing more can have a life-changing effect on a person. After one session, I agree. It was one of the most incredible experiences I have had!

The leader was somewhat concerned that I might not be able to handle 40 minutes of absolute stillness and quiet. The class was level four and these ladies had started out slowly months or years ago. I figured that at the very least I could spend the time talking with God and decided that God wanted me there, that he was providing me an opportunity for something that he'd already been talking to me about and that I should try it.

We sat in a circle in a sunlit chapel, the gentle flowing of a waterfall the only sound that entered our senses. A pleasant gong was sounded to begin the first 20 minutes. At the end of the 20 minutes, the gong rang again. We all (about 8 of us) got up from our chairs slowly, walked slowly, silently and meditatively around the outside of the circle of chairs and sat back down again for another 20 minutes.

So what did I do? Well, I decided that if I was to be in God's presence (which we always are anyway, there's nothing we can do to escape from being there), I needed a picture in my head of what that looked like. For over a year, I have been trying to imagine what it would be like to be cuddle in God's lap. I have not been able to do it. Not ever. I have been able to imagine me being on his lap, but viewing the scene from a distance. In fact, at first, when I tried to imagine being with God, the best I could manage was to be sitting at his feet. In times past, it would be in abject grovelling at a mighty and shiny throne. But God's been moving me closer and closer to him and has given me pictures of me with him in a closer and closer way though still not cuddled in his arms.

I think I have had trouble imagining myself cuddled on God's lap because, as I think back, I don't recall EVER being cuddled on anyone's lap--certainly not as a child with either of my parents. And this is perhaps the source of much of the difficulties I've been getting myself into. We all have the need to be cuddled, embraced, wanted. I didn't get it from my parents and I haven't gotten it from my husband so, for the past several decades, I've gone looking, trying to find this thing I've needed so desperately but never had. And, with my active imagination, I have found incomplete ways of filling that need.

Leanne Payne, in "Listening Prayer" and other books, talks about the importance of having a holy imagination. I never really understood what it meant. I know I've had a very unholy imagination, one that has refused to be reigned in. In this time of prayer with Susan and her friends, I experienced something absolutely new. I WAS able to imagine myself sitting on God's lap, my head pressed against his chest and his enormous arms enveloping me. I spent the entire 40 minutes, cuddled up with him like that, gently letting all thoughts but the one phrase, "He loves me," move through and out of my head without dwelling on them. I think I had a smile on my face the whole time.

I have never, ever experienced anything so awesome in my life. It was like I finally knew what it was like to be loved, treasured, valued, wanted, held; like no other arms could give me what he was giving me; like no one else could satisfy me like he was satisfying me; like all my imaginations of the past were filthy rags (as they were) compared with the few minutes I spent in my imagination with God that day. I knew, when it was over, that this was one experience that I would repeat often and I have. Oh! What wonderful bliss! And the awesome thing is that as I experience this time with God, all other experiences and imaginations pale and lose their attractiveness. I can see that as this becomes an integral part of my life that, in a way I've never known before, God will become ALL for me.

See, I've KNOWN that God's love is all I need, that God, in all my needs, is all I need, but I haven't truly believed it because I never really experienced it. It's amazing how we can know things in our heads and believe that they are true and yet not REALLY believe them in a way that makes any difference in the way we act, think, feel.

Our God is so awesome! Who would have guessed that he would give me what I need? Thank you, God.