Lady Higgins and the Meadow

Lady Higgins & The Meadow


1
January 15, 2002
Dear Mr. Wright,

First of all I would like to express my apologies. I apologize. Allow me to say it again, I apologize. Hopefully your daughter is feeling all right again. The last I heard she was feeling well. How's the hospital? Does it still smell funny? Anyway, I know that you and your wife and son have been pretty angry with me the last week or so. I know your son was especially angry after he pushed my face into the wall of the school with everybody watching. That wasn't very much fun, my nose is still a little sore. Those bricks hurt my face. Of course I shouldn't be saying how bad I feel when your daughter is in the hospital while we speak. I just wanted to apologize I guess, maybe explain a little.
I mean, I would consider myself really good friends with your daughter. She is in my Biology and English classes; I could bring her the homework from school unless she already has somebody doing that for her. It's actually kind of funny how this whole thing started. Because, I mean, some people, not everybody, call me pretty sensitive a lot of the time. I'm not really all that sensitive; I just have a quick temper. Speaking of Biology, I think adrenaline amounts in your body have something to do with having a quick temper. Boy, you learn something about yourself everyday huh? But you see, I was standing outside the school near your daughter the day that she had to be rushed to the hospital. Jenny is a good kid. She's pretty popular too, you might know that already. Anyway, we were all just standing around and your son was walking by with his friends and they saw me standing there with my highlighter and book and all and they were kind of talking with me about it.
I talk with your son quite a lot actually. He's pretty okay. Anyway, they kept messing me up and making me mark the wrong places with my highlighter and everything. Not that I minded, it was just that I was trying to get ready for this history test that I was going to have to take after school. I'm pretty good at history, I study it a lot. So anyway, your son was kind of making me mess up and all and then one of his friends bumped into me really hard (It was an accident) and my book almost fell. Whenever my book falls I have to pick up all the papers that I keep in it. It's quite embarrassing really. So your son grabbed my book right out of my hands before it fell and before I had the chance to thank him he threw it into these bushes and my study papers flew everywhere. I was pretty upset.
Your son was walking away and everything with his friends after he did that. They weren't laughing or anything, just looking really mad for some reason. Let me apologize before I tell you this. I apologize. That is to say, I'm sorry for what I did. Anyway I walked over to Jenny because she was standing at the top of the stairs that lead to that parking lot, you know, the one where parents pick up their kids and all? Well, I just sort of walked over there and called to your son. Then when he turned around, I pushed Jenny down the stairs as hard as I could. He was pretty upset, he was crying and all. I saw Jenny fall, it looked pretty nasty. How's her knee by the way? She'll be able to walk again right? I saw it break, the bone came right out of the skin just like you see when football players break their knees or whatever. Boy was she rolling. It really wasn't a good fall. I meant it more to be like she would fall past the stairs and onto the ground, but she hit darn near every stair, or at least it looked like she did. It was a nasty fall. I apologize.
Anyway, that's what happened. I know you are all pretty sore at me. You sued us for all that money, that wasn't fun. I tried to say hi to your son in the courtroom but he wouldn't look at me. Yeah, so now I'm going to the psychologist and everything. I got lucky that I didn't have to go to jail and such, my dad said we had a good attorney. I feel pretty bad about your daughter; they won't let me go visit her. Like I say, Jenny and I were pretty good friends. Can she still check her email? I'll drop her a line that way maybe. Anyway, I apologize. I just have that whole imbalance of adrenaline and everything and your son made me get all excited and everything and, all of a sudden, your daughter was tumbling down the stairs like a sack of potatoes. Well, I had better go, send my regards to your family sir, and Happy New Year.

Sincerely,
Wilbur J. Burnik

2
I walked into Dr. Blackman's office. His office always smelled pretty funny. I don't like that too much. Dr. Blackman was my psychiatrist for a while. I had to start seeing him after I pushed Jenny Wright down a flight of stairs. I was sorry that I did it, but her brother made me pretty mad. He made me get an F on my history test and I never even got my textbook back. What a jerk. I hate that kid. He never did have very many friends anyway.
Dr. Blackman always gave me the same greeting. Then once he got done with it he would have me sit down on his big stupid couch and he'd look at his big stupid clipboard and write things down that I said with his big stupid pencil. Going to a psychiatrist isn't like it is in the cartoons or movies or anything, you don't lay down on a strange bed-like piece of furniture and talk about your past. Mostly you talk about everything going on in your life right now and your take on the situation. How you feel about things. I always guessed that Dr. Blackman was trying to make it so that I would think twice before I let my temper get the best of me, but I never really noticed any difference in myself after my sessions with Dr. Blackman ended. That's the thing about most psychologists; they just end up screwing with you. Some make a difference for people, sure. But most, they just talk with you and get paid.
"So Wilbur, how was your day at school?" Dr. Blackman adjusted his glasses and scratched his red beard. It made a really loud, annoying sound. I hated it when Dr. Blackman rubbed his beard. He had one heck of a loud beard.
"Fine, nothing happened today really, except for my math test and I should get a C or better grade on it."
"So that's really all that happened? You didn't interact with anybody?"
"I guess you could say that. Except that I asked Jenny Wright's friend in English class today how she was doing. She didn't answer me. I guess everybody's still pretty mad at me about that whole thing."
"Well, I'd expect that for a while Wilbur. You did seriously injure her for almost no reason at all." Dr. Blackman was the only person that ever really called me Wilbur. Most people call me Will. To tell the truth I kind of like Wilbur better for some reason, even though it is kind of an awkward name for a teenager to have nowadays.
"I only pushed Jenny to make Matt feel bad. Can't they understand that?" I knew that they were all mad at me of course. Especially Matt Wright. Boy was that kid sore at me for a while.
"No, I wouldn't expect them to either Wilbur. You really did do a terrible thing to that girl. Sometimes I can't believe that you did it myself. Have you been doing what I've suggested to you at school at all?"
"Well...no actually." What Dr. Blackman wanted me to do was apologize to everybody Jenny was close to. I did write a letter to Mr. Wright, but he hadn't sent any letter back yet or called my house or anything. "It's just that, nobody will talk to me at school anymore really, and some of my teachers have been sort of ignoring me in class lately too. It makes it hard to keep my grades up but I'm doing it."
"Your teachers seem to be angry too? I guess that isn't a surprise. Jenny was an Honor Roll student and pretty popular from what I've gathered."
"Oh yeah, she is popular. Boy is she popular. A good student too. She was a good kid."
"Wilbur, why exactly didn't you get into a fight with Matt instead of pushing his sister down the stairs? You would have saved yourself so much trouble."
That had been a question that everybody had been asking me lately. I didn't mind but I wasn't thrilled about it either. I don't know why I did it really. All I remember was seeing Matt and his short, stupid friends walking away looking all angry, and then I saw Jenny right there and I thought, oh man, that'll piss him off. I'll just go right over there and push her. Some things always seem like a good idea at the time. Actually, it was a good idea. It got the job done, I made Matt really angry and I got back at him. It was the side effects that I hadn't been too happy about. Boy I got Matt good though. It didn't even matter when he embarrassed me in front of everybody by pushing my face into the school wall. I knew I had got him good because he was crying when he was pushing my face. I really hurt him.
"I guess it just seemed like a good idea at the time. You know how it is when you get a good idea, you just have this strangely strong impulse to act it out."
"Well, Wilbur, that's why you're here. To make sure that you don't 'act out' without thinking again."
"Right Dr. Blackman." Dr. Blackman was one of those guys that really had a very bread and butter view on how the world should be. If somebody does something wrong, he wants to fix it. If somebody is sad, he wants to make them happy. If somebody hates him, he wants to make them love him. I could always tell that about him. It seemed like he would always choose what course I should be taking with my life. If I had done everything that Dr. Blackman had told me to do, then I would have still been apologizing for what I did to Jenny, and even worse, for things that I never even did. I try to this day to explain to people why I pushed Jenny down those stupid stairs, but I just can't. I'm not even really sure what my take on the whole situation is. All I know is that I was mad at Matt, I observed my surroundings, came to a strange conclusion after analyzing the information I had, and walked right up to her and did what my impulse told me to. I know I shouldn't have, but the fact is that I just don't feel that bad about it. I know I should, but I just don't. I wrote that letter to Jenny's father and all, made an effort at school to show my regret, did all I could really do (And I'm being sincere), but still it doesn't make up for what I did. It shouldn't either. I'll be the first to admit that I did a horrible thing and I was smart enough to not expect people to give me their forgiveness. Maybe I'm just too literal.

3
About two months after the whole Jenny Wright incident people were still all in a jumble over the whole thing. Everybody went through periods of shock that I could do such a thing, and confusion as to why I did it. I wasn't really paying attention to any of that anymore. The one thing that I did pay attention to was the story they ran about me on the news. They showed interviews with Mr. Wright saying how angry he was at me, Jenny acting as brave as possible, and Matt acting like a fake and breaking down crying right in the middle of answering a question. I didn't ever see Mrs. Wright be interviewed. I wonder what the deal with that was. They probably had the reporter come in and say, "now we can only have three of you talk so one of you is going to be left out. How about you all play 'Paper Rock Scissors' and best two out of three wins. Oh, well, looks like your face won't be on the local news tonight Mrs. Wright." My face, on the other hand, got ten seconds devoted to it, plus the footage they showed of me at the hearing where the Wright's sued us.
Anyway, it had been about two months after I had done the whole thing and I was sitting in English class taking notes on Shakespeare of all things. Shakespeare is the kind of thing that you would immediately walk into an English class and expect people to be talking about. If you just walked into an English classroom where they were having a discussion about Steinbeck or Faulkner, you would be disappointed. You would say, "Hey! Make with the Shakespeare up there!" So I was taking notes, and the teacher (Mrs. Tarbinger), asked if anyone could name a Shakespearean comedy. That's the kind of question you get asked in English class. I knew of at least a few so I raised my hand. I mean, I was alone in the matter. That is to say, I was the only one raising my hand to answer the stupid question. She looked around like nobody was there, acting stupid and saying something stupid like, "Anyone? Anyone?" She knew damn good and well that I was raising my hand to give the answer. It wasn't like she didn't see me (Even though that was the excuse she gave later on when I complained to the principal). She was acting quite immature really.
After about half a minute of this I just blurted it out. If she didn't want to acknowledge me then I'd force her to. "Midsummer Night's Dream."
Her body, after I said the answer, was actually pretty funny. Her head seized up really tight because her neck muscles sort of froze for some reason that I never figured out. Her head turned slowly around until she was staring me straight in the face. It really was pretty funny, she looked so stupid. "Excuse me, Mr. Burnik, but I don't think that I called on you!"
"Sorry ma'am, but I was raising my hand. Nobody else was answering."
"If I wanted your answer I would have called on you!"
I think that teachers let their minor authority go to their heads sometimes. I guess if I were a teacher it would seem like I would be a pretty important person with a lot of power. In the grand scheme of things though, teachers only hold a very slight amount of power against a bunch of children anyway. Mrs. Tarbinger had been a teacher that really liked Jenny. She had really liked me too, come to think of it. Yeah, that's about right, because Jenny and I had the highest grades in that class. Mrs. Tarbinger was one of those young teachers that seem to me like they could still hold a little bit of that irresponsible youthfulness inside and abuse their authority. Not to make it sound like I'm against authority or anything, it's just that certain things can really get on my nerves.
"Mrs. Tarbinger, I'm sorry but I didn't do anything wro--"
"Please spare me Mr. Burnik. Do as you are told."
I guess it seems to me that I disrespect people in authority not because of the fact that they have authority, but because, sometimes, they are stupid. Something I've learned is that people in authority are never, ever wrong. They will not admit it. That is stupid. I don't care what people tell you in life, that is stupid. How come it's never my turn to be right? Because it doesn't have to be my turn, that's why. I disrespected Mrs. Tarbinger that day not because I have a problem with authority, but because I deserved to defend myself from her stupid harassment.
"Whatever. I wouldn't answer your damn question if you begged." Boy did that get her mad. She sent me out in the hall and yelled at me very loud. Other teachers came outside to see what was going on. Like I said before, I complained to the principal. Mrs. Tarbinger claimed that she hadn't seen me with my hand raised and that I disrupted class and disobeyed and insulted her deliberately. People don't always tell it like it is, no matter who is telling it to you. The principal gave me two weeks of trash duty with the janitors after school. The whole episode also caused Dr. Blackman to go off into another one of his tangents about helping me with my problem with authority.
Although the whole thing was pretty unfair and bad in the end, I got to go into Mrs. Tarbinger's room after school when she had left and I would leave disgusting pieces of trash in her desk drawer. Somehow, she never suspected me. It was really funny everyday during class when she would open up her drawer and find a melted day-old ice cream all over her papers.

4
I had become sick of my situation at school, at home, with Dr. Blackman, seeing Matt Wright everyday, trying to visit with Jenny, just everything. Nobody was taking their suspicious gazes off of me and it was making me go slightly crazy. To be completely honest I hated everyone for a time. Not only was I starting to get depressed at how little I had interacted with anybody over the last few months but I was getting hurt regularly at school. Mostly by Matt because he found that he could get away with assaulting me. It started with the administrators and campus supervisors turning their heads every so often and walking away in the middle of Matt and his friends literally beating me, and at a certain point the administrators would just watch what was going on. I became pretty much terrified of coming to school. My parents would frequently ask about my numerous bruises and cuts, and I would tell them who did it, how, and where. The first week my father called the school just about every night and complained to the school administration. However, soon after the first week, my parents seemed to be losing interest in my daily torture.
The big deal around the school a week before I ran away was that Jenny was going to be coming back to school. To describe the way people reacted once they found out that I had permanently injured Jenny (I had broken her knee so badly that she would never be able to walk again. I actually saw her leg and it is pretty deformed around her knee area because the bone never really healed quite right.) was between disgust and horror. It was around this time that my teachers began assigning me extra homework and telling me that the whole class was doing it. Those were all lies though, I would be the only person that they would assign the work to. Some of this sounds very preposterous, like I'm making it up, but this is absolutely true. That is to say, I'm dead serious about all of this. One of my teachers even told me to get out of his classroom because he didn't want to teach me anymore. I didn't complain to the principal about that like usual because that never worked.
In short, things for me had become terrible. Dr. Blackman began to lose interest in talking to me. Oh sure, he acted like he was interested and everything, but you could tell he wasn't. That was actually okay with me since I had never been interested in anything Dr. Blackman had to say either, so now we were just even with each other. Finally, by the end of about four months of utter rejection from my school, parents, and the Wright's, I finally just ran away. The specifics of my fleeing aren't all that important, but what was important was that I didn't take any clothes, food, toiletries or money. Not that if I had they would have lasted me all that long anyway, but it probably could have done me some good in the beginning.
I lived in the elementary school playground for a week and a half. I just hid during the schooldays in the empty field behind the playground. When I realized that I was hungry I just snuck home when both my parents were at work during the day and took food from the cupboards. Occasionally I took some beverages from the refrigerator but I didn't see the point in it since there were plenty of drinking fountains around the elementary school. I never changed clothes either. By the end of a week and a half my clothes looked terrible.
To this day I am still very angry that my parents did not even come looking for me until a week and a half passed. Even though later on they told me that they knew where I was (My father had caught me home getting food and had followed me back to the school.) and had wanted me to come back of my own accord, it still pissed me off. Once they started sending out the police they found me pretty quick (And why shouldn't they have when they knew where I was.). I was sleeping in the late hours of the afternoon on one of the playground structures. When you watch movies where kids run away, the parents always just say, "we're so happy that you weren't hurt! We were so worried about you!" Then once they realize they have their kid back, they get angry and punish them. Don't believe the movies. My parents skipped the relief stage and teleported straight to the punishment, which included extra chores (Which seemed like kind of a childish punishment to me.) and restriction of anything except school and home for the next seven months. At the end of the first week of my punishment, I had written ten letters to the Wright family asking if I could visit Jenny.

5
Dear Mr. Wright,

Hey there Mr. Wright. It's me again. Why haven't you replied to any of my letters? Are you throwing them away? Oh well, I'll still write it since I have nothing else to do. All my homework is done. I have straight A's right now. Jenny is back in school of course but they moved her out of my English and Biology classes. I sort of miss her. Actually, I miss everybody. Nobody will talk to me. My parents do of course but just in passing really. Yes, it's true; my relationship with my parents is that of a doctor and a patient. Even my psychiatrist Dr. Blackman is done with me. Remember him? I mentioned him in most of my letters to you. Anyway, if you do read this I'll put in the purpose for the letter. I want to visit Jenny. You won't let me. Why? Is she afraid of me? We used to be friends. Oh, by the way, your son Matt is still beating me up regularly at school. Not everyday anymore but at least twice every week. I don't fight back. I don't like Matt. I didn't really like him before, I mean, he was okay and everything, but now I really do hate your son. Your son is violent. I do not like him. Well, hopefully you'll let me come visit Jenny.

Sincerely,
Wilbur J. Burnik

6
When my parents found out that I was sending Mr. Wright letters they extended my punishment to ten months. So after that I pretty much went through a few weeks of my life without a thought at all. I just glided through, doing what was expected of me, not talking to anyone, and overall being a robot. It wasn't until I stopped making any effort that some people started worrying about me, but by now I wasn't really interested in anybody. I had lost interest in everything. I seriously doubted as well that once my punishment was up that I would even go back to life as normal. My parents started to get really worried, especially now that I wouldn't even talk to them unless they asked me a simple question. Teachers started calling on me in class but I wouldn't answer those bastards. School was almost out anyhow and I had done enough work and extra credit to keep my A's until the end of the school year without any maintenance. They started sending me to the school counselors and even tried to get me back in with Dr. Blackman but he wouldn't take me.
Once summer rolled around I just sat at home, not doing anything. I laid in bed or looked out the window. I seldom read or watched TV or listened to music or drew or wrote or exercised or anything. Then, when we were well into July, Mr. Wright wrote me a letter.

7
Wilbur Burnik,

Before I get to the point, I must tell you that you have hurt our family immensely. Not only have you impaired my daughter for life but you have written over forty very sarcastic letters to us, poking fun at my son, my wife, at me, and a few very strange letters that criticized our dishwasher, pet, and ancestors. What is wrong with you? Have you not caused enough trouble, or do you want your life to be worse than it already is? I cannot put into words how troubling and disturbing you are to me.
However, the point of this letter is to address your desire to visit my daughter. While I have had no intentions of letting you ever come near my daughter again, my wife seems to think that there is a need for you to see Jenny. After many hours of debating this, we have come to the conclusion that we will let you see her, but I will be in the room all during your visit. So, if you are allowed to come to our house then you may see Jenny. I want to extend my extreme warning however, that if you do or say anything to further inflict pain on my daughter then I will personally see to it that you are thrown in jail.

Adam Wright

8
I have to say that Mr. Wright's letter to me made me mad and happy at the same time. Although they were the first real words that anybody had really meant for me in a very long period of time, they were angry and vitriolic. However, what really made me excited was getting to see Jenny. I had wanted to see her ever since the middle of the school year and now I would finally see her. Upon asking my parents if I could go they were hesitant, but decided that since Mr. Wright and his family was deeming this appropriate that there must be some sense behind it. Parents always go along with each other. It's kind of weird in an ignorant sort of way.
It was then decided that I would visit Jenny that Tuesday. Monday night I was a nervous wreck. Not just because I was going to be in the Wright's house but also because I had not interacted with anybody in such a long time that I was seriously doubtful of my ability to carry a conversation.
Nonetheless, the next morning my parents drove me to the Wright's house and left, leaving me at the doorstep sweating. I rang the doorbell and waited for the blue door to open. When it did, I saw Mr. Wright for the first time. He was kind of tall and fat with brilliantly blonde hair. His facial features however, were ragged and dusty-looking. "Hello Wilbur," he said, absolute seriousness in his voice.
"Hello," I said. "Thank you for letting me come over."
Instead of saying, "you're welcome", he just motioned for me to come inside. I didn't really pay attention to the house except to say that it was common. Mostly what you would expect to find from a suburban family. Nice furniture with a nice kitchen and big TV in the living room. However, what I did pay attention to was Jenny sitting in her electric wheelchair near the couches of the living room. She really is a pretty girl, too bad I had to go and mess her all up.
As I walked towards her I noticed her deformed leg. For the first time (And only time since) I felt pretty bad about what I had done. Jenny's face was kind of sullen, almost vindictive, but not quite. I sat down on the dark green leather couch nearest to her wheelchair. "Hi," I uttered.
"Hello Will," she said. Her response was quiet and precise.
"I guess I just wanted to come over and see you, maybe talk to you a little bit. I have ever since the uh...well the...accident." When I said that it seemed like the room tensed up a lot. I became very aware of her father standing behind me.
"Will..." She trailed off, her voice kind of low now, like she was on the verge of crying. "Will...why did you do this to me? Look at my leg, they had to do five operations...five..." She was pretty much sobbing now. I felt pretty bad. "Will...I never did anything to you..."
"I know Jenny. Believe me, if I could take back what I did, I would. I don't really remember why I pushed you anymore. It had to do with getting back at your brother. He just made me really mad, and me having a quick temper and all and you were standing there and I thought 'that would make him feel bad', and then everything just sort of exploded into this whole situation."
She was really crying now, and I was deathly nervous that her father would interpret the whole thing like I was hurting her emotionally on purpose. He probably wanted to strangle me but he didn't the whole time I was there. "Will, I don't forgive you. Ever."
When she said that, I thought and said two different things. What I thought was I wonder how much that wheelchair cost them? and what I said was "No, I don't suppose you ever will either, and I can't blame you." I really couldn't either.
So then we sat there talking for another five minutes about nothing really, with her deformed leg and all. Then, by the time I was getting ready to leave because my parents had pulled up out front, all I could think was get me out of here right now. I can't take anymore of Jenny's crying or her deformed leg or her dad's dry face. Get me out of here. Then I left.

9
When I got home, I went up to my room, sat down and realized: I didn't feel bad or depressed anymore. In fact, I felt great. I couldn't explain it but I felt extraordinarily good. I went downstairs and started watching TV, laughing at things.
It has been three years since I pushed Jenny and she had to go around in a wheelchair. Since then I regained my social life, graduated at the head of my class, and never really saw Matt or Jenny again. For all I could care Jenny could live out the rest of her life not walking and I'd be completely indifferent. Let's face it, the world is stupid. The world is the one with the problems with authority and the world is the one with the quick temper. I don't have any faults at all.