The Cards

Through the thin veil of darkness of that evening I could see his slim but toned face. His angled jaw clenched in concentration and his ice blue eyes flirting from the cards to me in fascination. He appeared to have a halo wrapping round his meticulously groomed blonde hair due to the security lights shining through the window from a distant place. He was analysing the pack of tarot cards I had brought with me on this history trip.

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The other boys in the room didn’t believe in fate or magicks but HE seemed to. When the others were mocking me when I drew the cards from my freshly unpacked bag they all jeered, but he stood there. Stock still. His pale eyes sparkling with interest.

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Later that week though, after the excitement of the first few days had worn off, they all gathered around and asked me to try and do a reading for each of them. Of course he was the keenest of the lot. His hands shot forward in anticipation and grabbed the cards hungrily from me even before I started to shuffle. He searched the deck with awe and asked about a few of the cards. Eventually he asked me to join him on his top bunk. Where we are now…

He asked me to help him as he was going no-where. His voice calm and relaxed, his eyes pleading for help like a child who cannot do their work. Heat filled my body from top to toe. This is it. I thought. Please let it be it. It was blisteringly hot to me even thought the window was open and the cool night breeze of Berlin was sweeping into our room.

I reached for his hand and took it. The energy surged through me like lightning. Filling my brain with thoughts and feelings I’ve only experienced in dreams. I focused I told him he has to feel the cards energies, I told him to look at them and hold his hand over them and ‘feel’ I moved his hands slowly over the cards in a gentle grip. My eyes darted from the cards to his relaxed face hoping desperately for something.

His eyes moved from the cards and into my own. Yes. He finally understood. His eyes full of something stared into mine. Staring into my very soul. Seeing me and all I am and not who I seem to be.

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Our faces in the broken twilight come together slowly. We close our eyes and tilt our heads slightly. Our lips come together in a gentle kiss and as we move apart I bite his lip playfully.

The others are shocked but I don’t care. To me it’s just ‘Us’.

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I take my hand from his slowly, savouring each last moment of contact until my fingers reached his tips and I broke the electric contact leaving me empty inside again.

Too bad it was just my imagination. A voice says at the back of my mind. I see him now but I also don’t, he’s still here but part of him had gone. It was just the cards he saw. Never me.

He continued to read the cards for the rest of the night, barely noticing me slip away down the ladder from his top bunk to mine below. Not knowing that for the rest of the trip all I could do was think of him and the moment that could have been.