Cat in Retirement

"Thing One! Thing Two! Thing Three?! Can it be?"
The Cat in the Hat shouted with glee.
"Last time when I saw your dear mummy,
I thought to myself: She seems a bit chubby.
And to think! I forgot to congratulate hubby!"
Chided the cat, scratching his tummy.

Now many years had passed since the Cat in the Hat
And his Things had crossed the welcome mat
To cause such trouble for Conrad and Sally.
To pass the time he tried to play golf. He tried drinking tea.
He tried many things considered to be leisurely.
He even worked as a cook in a ZuperZee galley!

But mischief was better than playing it safe,
Just ask any person of true Seussy faith.
And so this brings our cat to Mrs. Thing's door.
"Can Thing One and Thing Two please come and play?
Sam-I-am has been busy for a week and a day."
He concluded as Thing Three let out a big snore.

"I'm sorry, but I don't think that they could.
You see, those Things have been grounded for good!
They switched sugar for salt and mustard for honey,
They put jelly-rolls in the toaster to toast,
They put mud-pies in the roaster to roast
Thinking it all was quite fun and quite funny!

So you see, Mr. Cat, they cannot come and play.
Not now, not tomorrow, nor on any fine day.
Go find a hobby that's not loud and not rude.
Maybe playing golf isn't your cup of tea -
Have you thought of reading to the elderly?
Whatever it is that you choose to do,
You cannot play with Thing One or Thing Two."

She closed the door with a whoosh! and a snap!
Right in the face of the stunned Cat in the Hat.
He scooted on off with the tiniest pout
"No Things to play with and nothing to do!
How rude to say that - maybe I'll sue!"
He grumbled as sour as a pike or a trout.

He walked up the beach. He walked through the mall.
He wandered unseeing beneath a huge disco ball.
Then it hit him - he had something to do!
Retirement would not end his merry-making.
He would use his talents for profit-taking!
He'd open a toy store and call it "Thing Who?"

The store was a smash. The toys were a hit.
Where else could you find a Gibberling snit?
And every year on April the First,
The Cat in the Hat would throw a big party
Meant for those with a humor hearty
With big bubbles of candy that floated and burst
And awards for the best prank on April the First.

And so my friends, here the story ends.
The Cat in the Hat has made amends
And thanks you for the profit tally.
Thank you all, from Conrad and Sally.