The end of times by a fevered crone

Granted I have a stuffy head and a slight fever today, and nothing much to do but loll around quietly fighting a cold bug. I've been pestered by a multitude of weird thoughts brought about by surfing the 'net and seeing a multitude of references to the END OF TIMES. I cannot make them leave me be and, never being of the martyr stripe, I'm sharing them with you. It's no fun suffering alone! Most of the end of time articles seem to tell us why, when and who; some even say where, but many leave the how nebulously vague. And in my fevered state I've come up with a few scenarios.


First, I thought, what if God wants us to have heaven here on earth? How would S/he dispose of the bad guys? Just smite them dead? But the stench of all those bodies polluting the earth would shortly ruin it as a heaven.

Maybe, I thought, a mystical portal (or several) would open and the non-saved would be herded through to the hot as you-know-what core. Only, would the extra fuel they provide the core cause it to overheat causing the world to expand and possibly explode? Then where are we? Okay, since God can do anything, they'll just vanish without a trace. but that can't be possible because of the age-old dilemma: God's laws by definition are perfect. If S/he changes any, that means the original was not perfect, which by definition, cannot be. That includes the laws of physics, one of which is "Matter is never destroyed. It only changes form". If S/he just disappears them, they are, in essence, destroyed, gone, vamoosed, which means the physics law is no longer true and S/he screwed up his own law! Impossible.

Some ancients believed the heart was weighed and dog gods ate the ones found wanting in goodness. But that was way before we believed God loved everyone. And if S/he loves everyone, that is not the way to show it, so scratch that.

Perhaps each miserable sinner is given a miraculous insight and has a change of heart from black evil to white goodness. If that's true, then we're all pretty safe.

But of course, that doesn't follow any of the prophecies garnered over centuries by scholars and holy people and visionaries and so on. Someway the evil have to suffer. And the good will go to heaven to be with God. How? My historical readings of various cultures have given me some ideas. But my fever has twisted them just a bit.

For example: In old Asia, warriors as well as holy men shaved their heads, leaving a topknot or near-the-napeknot available so God could pull them up into heaven as they perished.

My mind's eye immediately pictured a gargantuan Hand (can Gargantua be used as an adjective for God?) reaching down from the sky and grabbing fistfuls of hair-knotted men. Then it really got weird. Picture how that would hurt. And then the pressure of being pulled into heaven which is probably on the other side of the universe and would take a very long time, for the humans anyways. Would they implode? And what about the women? Maybe any ponytailed person of either gender would do. My biggest nightmare of that scenario is what if just the skulls with the tails made it? I mean, that's a long haul and a lot of pressure. I don't believe it would be much good for anyone.

Then I recalled hearing many times many years ago (long before any Led Zeppelin people were around) about the golden stairway to heaven. It would have to be awfully long and defy gravity (oops, another physics no-no, at least in earth's atmosphere) and how about surviving outside the atmos...oh, right, aeronautic suits, never mind. But by the time the top stair was reached, how old would the human being be? Maybe the stairway will be modernized into an escalator. Or will people just float up? Perhaps angels will be given the job of carrying everybody. No, not everybody only the saved. What will they wear for identification? Angels know a lot, but they're not all-knowing.

My Dad said this a thousand times if he said it once: "If someone can imagine it, it can happen. Even if it takes a long time." I believe that. Leonardo DaVinci's helicopter is a prime example: it took centuries for it to materialize and work. but it did happen. And wee tiny cameras can now cruise certain systems IN THE BODY. Just a laughable science fiction fable not too long ago.

So anybody and everyone has a chance to come up with their own versions of the End Times. And, as many of today's writers tell us, we must BE PREPARED. Sort of like becoming a Boy Scout (would being a Cub Scout Den Leader count?). Now if my head would just stop pounding, why, with a good sleep I'll be good as ever and ready for some more musings on just about anything.